Jo Usmar
@jousmar.bsky.social
Bestselling non-fiction author (the ‘This Book Will Make You…’ series), editor, ghostwriter and journo (& ex-Cosmo columnist). Had cancer, didn’t love it. jousmar.substack.com
In my latest article, I unpack the whole sorry Andrew–Epstein saga for those who prefer their scandals served succinct, sharp, and laced with spluttering incredulity.
Or perhaps I should call him (as one commenter put it) “The Andrew formerly known as Prince”.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-prince...
Or perhaps I should call him (as one commenter put it) “The Andrew formerly known as Prince”.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-prince...
Jeffrey Epstein, Part Three: The Prince Andrew problem
Virginia Giuffre took on 'Randy Andy' and won. So, now what happens?
jousmar.substack.com
November 3, 2025 at 7:56 AM
In my latest article, I unpack the whole sorry Andrew–Epstein saga for those who prefer their scandals served succinct, sharp, and laced with spluttering incredulity.
Or perhaps I should call him (as one commenter put it) “The Andrew formerly known as Prince”.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-prince...
Or perhaps I should call him (as one commenter put it) “The Andrew formerly known as Prince”.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-prince...
“Before chemo, you’ll need a reversible stoma,” said my oncologist.
“No, thanks.”
“The tumour’s blocking your bowel – it could rupture.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Two days later, I was in surgery.
My new piece on how a weird little bag saved my life:
jousmar.substack.com/p/stoma-or-d...
“No, thanks.”
“The tumour’s blocking your bowel – it could rupture.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Two days later, I was in surgery.
My new piece on how a weird little bag saved my life:
jousmar.substack.com/p/stoma-or-d...
Stoma or death? Ah, one stoma please
How a weird, temporary little bag saved my life.
jousmar.substack.com
October 28, 2025 at 9:55 AM
“Before chemo, you’ll need a reversible stoma,” said my oncologist.
“No, thanks.”
“The tumour’s blocking your bowel – it could rupture.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Two days later, I was in surgery.
My new piece on how a weird little bag saved my life:
jousmar.substack.com/p/stoma-or-d...
“No, thanks.”
“The tumour’s blocking your bowel – it could rupture.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
Two days later, I was in surgery.
My new piece on how a weird little bag saved my life:
jousmar.substack.com/p/stoma-or-d...
Part 2 out now! What you actually need to know about this Jeffrey Epstein horror show – why its catapulted back into the news. Why MAGA is very unhappy. And why “the birthday book” is SO much worse than imagined. I waded through it all so you don’t have to.
jousmar.substack.com/p/jeffrey-ep...
jousmar.substack.com/p/jeffrey-ep...
Part two: Jeffrey Epstein – what you actually need to know
Hold onto your creepy birthday books, folks. Things have escalated.
jousmar.substack.com
September 16, 2025 at 10:24 AM
Part 2 out now! What you actually need to know about this Jeffrey Epstein horror show – why its catapulted back into the news. Why MAGA is very unhappy. And why “the birthday book” is SO much worse than imagined. I waded through it all so you don’t have to.
jousmar.substack.com/p/jeffrey-ep...
jousmar.substack.com/p/jeffrey-ep...
Turns out, sometimes having cancer is hilarious. My new article is on the unexpected lols that come from cancery ridiculousness. Read or listen below. (Fair warning, my audio recording skids off the tracks big time at the start. Enjoy!)
jousmar.substack.com/p/when-havin...
jousmar.substack.com/p/when-havin...
Moments when I found having cancer really funny
Sometimes finding laughs in trauma, fear and stress can be the best medicine. (Along with chemo, obvs.)
jousmar.substack.com
June 12, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Turns out, sometimes having cancer is hilarious. My new article is on the unexpected lols that come from cancery ridiculousness. Read or listen below. (Fair warning, my audio recording skids off the tracks big time at the start. Enjoy!)
jousmar.substack.com/p/when-havin...
jousmar.substack.com/p/when-havin...
Reposted by Jo Usmar
This was just posted by @tbretc.bsky.social on another platform. The Chicago Sun-Times obviously gets ChatGPT to write a ‘summer reads’ feature almost entirely made up of real authors but completely fake books. What are we coming to?
May 20, 2025 at 11:04 AM
This was just posted by @tbretc.bsky.social on another platform. The Chicago Sun-Times obviously gets ChatGPT to write a ‘summer reads’ feature almost entirely made up of real authors but completely fake books. What are we coming to?
I'm am so chill about receiving feedback on my work. I certainly don't make up entire defensive conversations in my head or draft pass-agg emails every time. That would be ridiculous.
All the stuff that goes through your mind when receiving feedback on your work
The creative ego is a fragile thing.
open.substack.com
May 17, 2025 at 10:47 AM
I'm am so chill about receiving feedback on my work. I certainly don't make up entire defensive conversations in my head or draft pass-agg emails every time. That would be ridiculous.
Chuffed to be asked to contribute to a brilliant Substack last week about memories from the birth room. My story is about giving birth in a country when you don't speak the language...and you also have cancer. What a joyride.
charlottemg.substack.com/p/stories-fr...
charlottemg.substack.com/p/stories-fr...
Memories From The Birth Room
Three exclusive stories, shared by three brilliant women ♡
charlottemg.substack.com
May 13, 2025 at 7:22 AM
Chuffed to be asked to contribute to a brilliant Substack last week about memories from the birth room. My story is about giving birth in a country when you don't speak the language...and you also have cancer. What a joyride.
charlottemg.substack.com/p/stories-fr...
charlottemg.substack.com/p/stories-fr...
What does my obsession with serial killers say about me? "I can’t even imagine trying to work out how many hours I’ve dedicated to investigating serial killers. It probably equates to about half of my life – and I'm okay with that." My new piece is out now:
jousmar.substack.com/p/fascinated...
jousmar.substack.com/p/fascinated...
What does my fascination with serial killers say about me?
Yes, I’m one of those women – and I’m okay with it.
jousmar.substack.com
May 3, 2025 at 10:05 AM
What does my obsession with serial killers say about me? "I can’t even imagine trying to work out how many hours I’ve dedicated to investigating serial killers. It probably equates to about half of my life – and I'm okay with that." My new piece is out now:
jousmar.substack.com/p/fascinated...
jousmar.substack.com/p/fascinated...
My new piece is about not recognising myself in the mirror, post-baby, post-cancer, post-turning 40. I find myself thinking, “Who the hell is that?” I want to adore my body. It kept my baby alive while fighting a tumour. It’s half my mum, half my dad. How can I be both grateful & disappointed?
Coming to terms with looking different
I can’t find the mental image I hold of myself in the mirror.
jousmar.substack.com
April 25, 2025 at 7:40 AM
My new piece is about not recognising myself in the mirror, post-baby, post-cancer, post-turning 40. I find myself thinking, “Who the hell is that?” I want to adore my body. It kept my baby alive while fighting a tumour. It’s half my mum, half my dad. How can I be both grateful & disappointed?
The space farce! My new article! About how our scorn should be directed at Jeff Bezos, not Katy Perry (who’s an easy mark): “A rich man paid for this diverse group of women to go into space while simultaneously undermining their role in the field’s future.”
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-space-...
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-space-...
The space farce
Save most of your scorn for Jeff Bezos, not Katy Perry.
jousmar.substack.com
April 20, 2025 at 6:40 AM
The space farce! My new article! About how our scorn should be directed at Jeff Bezos, not Katy Perry (who’s an easy mark): “A rich man paid for this diverse group of women to go into space while simultaneously undermining their role in the field’s future.”
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-space-...
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-space-...
“If a reliable office job is a smooth-running SUV, then freelancing is a honking, spluttering clown car careening down the street with its bumper hanging off.”
My new article is on the mayhem & magic of freelancing - especially after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-agony-...
My new article is on the mayhem & magic of freelancing - especially after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-agony-...
The agony and the ecstasy of freelancing
And how weird it is returning to work after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com
April 6, 2025 at 11:11 AM
“If a reliable office job is a smooth-running SUV, then freelancing is a honking, spluttering clown car careening down the street with its bumper hanging off.”
My new article is on the mayhem & magic of freelancing - especially after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-agony-...
My new article is on the mayhem & magic of freelancing - especially after a massive life event.
jousmar.substack.com/p/the-agony-...
My new piece offers a sneak peek into the diary of a top US security official:
“Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect.
💪🇺🇸💸🏈🔥🍆”
jousmar.substack.com/p/diary-of-a...
“Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect.
💪🇺🇸💸🏈🔥🍆”
jousmar.substack.com/p/diary-of-a...
The diary of a top US security official
👊🇺🇸🔥
jousmar.substack.com
March 29, 2025 at 6:43 AM
My new piece offers a sneak peek into the diary of a top US security official:
“Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect.
💪🇺🇸💸🏈🔥🍆”
jousmar.substack.com/p/diary-of-a...
“Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect. Deny. Defend. Deflect.
💪🇺🇸💸🏈🔥🍆”
jousmar.substack.com/p/diary-of-a...
If you ever feel insecure at work or out of your depth, just remind yourself that hey, at least you haven’t revealed state secrets, war plans, and called Europe “PATHETIC” in a group chat that accidentally included a top US journalist. You’re doing fine! 💪🙌
March 25, 2025 at 6:18 AM
If you ever feel insecure at work or out of your depth, just remind yourself that hey, at least you haven’t revealed state secrets, war plans, and called Europe “PATHETIC” in a group chat that accidentally included a top US journalist. You’re doing fine! 💪🙌
I am obsessed with this Hegseth Signal story. It’s terrifying, yes, but also just sooooooooo embarrassing. Imagine sending emojis in a chat about war. Emojis! 🫠 And calling Europe “PATHETIC” in angry capitals. My stomach is eating itself with cringe.
March 25, 2025 at 6:15 AM
I am obsessed with this Hegseth Signal story. It’s terrifying, yes, but also just sooooooooo embarrassing. Imagine sending emojis in a chat about war. Emojis! 🫠 And calling Europe “PATHETIC” in angry capitals. My stomach is eating itself with cringe.
Reposted by Jo Usmar
Pete Hegseth today
March 24, 2025 at 6:20 PM
Pete Hegseth today
Reposted by Jo Usmar
Aw, shit. My bad, guys. I thought "VP" in the Signal chat was Vice President, but it was Vladimir Putin.
March 24, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Aw, shit. My bad, guys. I thought "VP" in the Signal chat was Vice President, but it was Vladimir Putin.
Reposted by Jo Usmar
Goldberg in the Signal chat like
March 24, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Goldberg in the Signal chat like
Reposted by Jo Usmar
Dear Americans, the level of batshittery the rest of the world can take without having a collective heart attack has been reached. Please try to rein it in, yeah? You’re too big to be behaving this badly. Ta, your pals over in Europe.
March 1, 2025 at 9:27 AM
Dear Americans, the level of batshittery the rest of the world can take without having a collective heart attack has been reached. Please try to rein it in, yeah? You’re too big to be behaving this badly. Ta, your pals over in Europe.
Reposted by Jo Usmar
literally every time I talk to friends
March 1, 2025 at 6:15 AM
literally every time I talk to friends
Reposted by Jo Usmar
Your dignity honors the bravery of the Ukrainian people.
Be strong, be brave, be fearless.
You are never alone, dear President Zelenskyy.
We will continue working with you for a just and lasting peace.
Be strong, be brave, be fearless.
You are never alone, dear President Zelenskyy.
We will continue working with you for a just and lasting peace.
February 28, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Your dignity honors the bravery of the Ukrainian people.
Be strong, be brave, be fearless.
You are never alone, dear President Zelenskyy.
We will continue working with you for a just and lasting peace.
Be strong, be brave, be fearless.
You are never alone, dear President Zelenskyy.
We will continue working with you for a just and lasting peace.
Having a child is realising that loads of oldie worldie-sounding illnesses exist. Hello, hand, foot and mouth disease!
March 1, 2025 at 8:08 AM
Having a child is realising that loads of oldie worldie-sounding illnesses exist. Hello, hand, foot and mouth disease!
My latest piece is a convo I had with a friend about how she feels like a failure in love. “How can it be a failure to want to seek love? What is love but consistent, relentless hope?”
jousmar.substack.com/p/failure-at...
jousmar.substack.com/p/failure-at...
“I feel like a failure at love”
A conversation about bruised hearts.
jousmar.substack.com
March 1, 2025 at 7:41 AM
My latest piece is a convo I had with a friend about how she feels like a failure in love. “How can it be a failure to want to seek love? What is love but consistent, relentless hope?”
jousmar.substack.com/p/failure-at...
jousmar.substack.com/p/failure-at...
Have any other cancer survivors found the whole aftermath-period incredibly weird and hard to deal with – almost more so (well, in a different way), than being smack-bang in the middle of the shitstorm?
#cancer #cancersucks #coloncancer #cancerawareness
#cancer #cancersucks #coloncancer #cancerawareness
February 21, 2025 at 2:21 PM
Have any other cancer survivors found the whole aftermath-period incredibly weird and hard to deal with – almost more so (well, in a different way), than being smack-bang in the middle of the shitstorm?
#cancer #cancersucks #coloncancer #cancerawareness
#cancer #cancersucks #coloncancer #cancerawareness
My love letter to cities: pump that filth, beauty, mess and magic into my veins.
jousmar.substack.com/p/a-love-let...
jousmar.substack.com/p/a-love-let...
A love letter to cities
Pump the filth, the beauty, the mess and the magic into my veins.
jousmar.substack.com
February 21, 2025 at 12:39 PM
My love letter to cities: pump that filth, beauty, mess and magic into my veins.
jousmar.substack.com/p/a-love-let...
jousmar.substack.com/p/a-love-let...