Joshua Berwald
@joshuaberwald.bsky.social
I play loud music at parties. I piss off bigots. I have cute kids. A mixture of kindness and sarcasm.
Jesus, meeting my daughter by a well.
Her: Give me some water.
Jesus: Go, fetch your water bottle and come back.
Her: I have no water bottle.
Jesus: You are right when you say you have no water bottle. The fact is, you have had five water bottles, and the water bottle you have now is not yours.
Her: Give me some water.
Jesus: Go, fetch your water bottle and come back.
Her: I have no water bottle.
Jesus: You are right when you say you have no water bottle. The fact is, you have had five water bottles, and the water bottle you have now is not yours.
March 9, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Jesus, meeting my daughter by a well.
Her: Give me some water.
Jesus: Go, fetch your water bottle and come back.
Her: I have no water bottle.
Jesus: You are right when you say you have no water bottle. The fact is, you have had five water bottles, and the water bottle you have now is not yours.
Her: Give me some water.
Jesus: Go, fetch your water bottle and come back.
Her: I have no water bottle.
Jesus: You are right when you say you have no water bottle. The fact is, you have had five water bottles, and the water bottle you have now is not yours.
For Pippin’s birthday his auntie Jillian got him a portrait of him as president.
I can’t tell you how much I wish this were a real picture. We’d all have unlimited acress to all the cheese we want and no one would ever have to leave their puppies alone at home to work (or whatever hoomans do).
I can’t tell you how much I wish this were a real picture. We’d all have unlimited acress to all the cheese we want and no one would ever have to leave their puppies alone at home to work (or whatever hoomans do).
February 1, 2025 at 5:01 AM
For Pippin’s birthday his auntie Jillian got him a portrait of him as president.
I can’t tell you how much I wish this were a real picture. We’d all have unlimited acress to all the cheese we want and no one would ever have to leave their puppies alone at home to work (or whatever hoomans do).
I can’t tell you how much I wish this were a real picture. We’d all have unlimited acress to all the cheese we want and no one would ever have to leave their puppies alone at home to work (or whatever hoomans do).
Pippin watching me cleaning instead of snuggling him.
January 27, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Pippin watching me cleaning instead of snuggling him.
Oh fuuuuuuuck you Facebook.
January 20, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Oh fuuuuuuuck you Facebook.
Parenting, year one: “We’re going to feed them only high-quality Whole Foods and not give them sugar for a year.
Parenting, year nine:
Parenting, year nine:
January 19, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Parenting, year one: “We’re going to feed them only high-quality Whole Foods and not give them sugar for a year.
Parenting, year nine:
Parenting, year nine:
Here’s our first good look at the twins! And yes, in case you missed it, baby number five decided to bring a plus one! Due sometime between the end of April and the end of May (twin due dates are even more unpredictable than single babies, evidently). I’m rooting for May 4th.
January 8, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Here’s our first good look at the twins! And yes, in case you missed it, baby number five decided to bring a plus one! Due sometime between the end of April and the end of May (twin due dates are even more unpredictable than single babies, evidently). I’m rooting for May 4th.
My friend’s doggo Loki has been diagnosed with cancer as a shitty Halloween surprise. If you’ve got a few bucks to spare to help cover some of the upcoming costs, the Pumpkin King would surely smile upon you.
(Please share!)
t.co/z7jEx6OvQB
(Please share!)
t.co/z7jEx6OvQB
October 31, 2023 at 6:40 PM
My friend’s doggo Loki has been diagnosed with cancer as a shitty Halloween surprise. If you’ve got a few bucks to spare to help cover some of the upcoming costs, the Pumpkin King would surely smile upon you.
(Please share!)
t.co/z7jEx6OvQB
(Please share!)
t.co/z7jEx6OvQB
According to Eleos, the phrase is “Sugar Treat!”
When I told him it was Trick or Treat he looked at me as if I were the most foolish man alive.
“Why would they trick me? I want a sugar treat!”
When I told him it was Trick or Treat he looked at me as if I were the most foolish man alive.
“Why would they trick me? I want a sugar treat!”
October 31, 2023 at 2:16 PM
According to Eleos, the phrase is “Sugar Treat!”
When I told him it was Trick or Treat he looked at me as if I were the most foolish man alive.
“Why would they trick me? I want a sugar treat!”
When I told him it was Trick or Treat he looked at me as if I were the most foolish man alive.
“Why would they trick me? I want a sugar treat!”
Disco sounds are making a come back in modern music- but let’s not forget who brought it back FIRST.
October 12, 2023 at 5:26 PM
Disco sounds are making a come back in modern music- but let’s not forget who brought it back FIRST.
My nickname from college somehow ended up on my Starbucks order.
September 22, 2023 at 4:42 PM
My nickname from college somehow ended up on my Starbucks order.
Look, I know what they’re going for.
But, that’s NOT how I read it.
But, that’s NOT how I read it.
September 21, 2023 at 9:27 PM
Look, I know what they’re going for.
But, that’s NOT how I read it.
But, that’s NOT how I read it.
The newest in wedding DJ fashions.
September 20, 2023 at 12:29 AM
The newest in wedding DJ fashions.
Top: Kelilah walking Xenia to her first dance class 3 years ago.
Bottom: Kelilah walking Xenia to the bus on her first day of school last week.
Bottom: Kelilah walking Xenia to the bus on her first day of school last week.
September 13, 2023 at 1:49 PM
Top: Kelilah walking Xenia to her first dance class 3 years ago.
Bottom: Kelilah walking Xenia to the bus on her first day of school last week.
Bottom: Kelilah walking Xenia to the bus on her first day of school last week.
I’m so mad this blazer only comes as big as L/XL
First of all: WTF is L/XL? Those are two different sizes!
Secondly: Big guys wanna dress spooky too. 😭😭
First of all: WTF is L/XL? Those are two different sizes!
Secondly: Big guys wanna dress spooky too. 😭😭
August 21, 2023 at 3:42 PM
I’m so mad this blazer only comes as big as L/XL
First of all: WTF is L/XL? Those are two different sizes!
Secondly: Big guys wanna dress spooky too. 😭😭
First of all: WTF is L/XL? Those are two different sizes!
Secondly: Big guys wanna dress spooky too. 😭😭
I left a huge glob of sunscreen on my face by accident this morning. When I looked in the mirror, I was sweating white.
I’m proud (?) to say my first instinct wasn’t, “I put too much sunscreen on!” But instead was, “Oh, crap, am I Bishop??”
I’m proud (?) to say my first instinct wasn’t, “I put too much sunscreen on!” But instead was, “Oh, crap, am I Bishop??”
August 12, 2023 at 6:36 PM
I left a huge glob of sunscreen on my face by accident this morning. When I looked in the mirror, I was sweating white.
I’m proud (?) to say my first instinct wasn’t, “I put too much sunscreen on!” But instead was, “Oh, crap, am I Bishop??”
I’m proud (?) to say my first instinct wasn’t, “I put too much sunscreen on!” But instead was, “Oh, crap, am I Bishop??”
If you haven’t yet listened to this Joni Mitchell live album yet, do yourself a favor and give it a spin.
And check out the backstory… if you wanna ugly cry.
And check out the backstory… if you wanna ugly cry.
August 11, 2023 at 4:27 PM
If you haven’t yet listened to this Joni Mitchell live album yet, do yourself a favor and give it a spin.
And check out the backstory… if you wanna ugly cry.
And check out the backstory… if you wanna ugly cry.