If you don’t like cranberry sauce GROW UP. GET A JOB

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A family is only as strong as its kitchen scissors

Pick up line: please

Is there a scientific explanation as to why everything tastes better through a straw

Nightmares from my youth: demons, ghosts, the girl from the ring

Nightmares as an adult: trying to make sticky toffee pudding but I keep forgetting the dates over and over again and I wake up in a cold sweat

Just realized my name is partially Dan

No I’m not going to just throw away my leftovers. I’m going to give them a proper burial by keeping them in my fridge for 3 weeks until they start to mold

My ideal date, you ask? We go to the nearest zoo and set all the animals free

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