Jon Monie
@jonmonie.bsky.social
Berk in progress.
Agent: Keddie Scott Associates
https://app.spotlight.com/1015-9052-4604
www.jonmonie.co.uk
Agent: Keddie Scott Associates
https://app.spotlight.com/1015-9052-4604
www.jonmonie.co.uk
Last night I asked my husband what tv programmes he was subjected to by his parents, at home back in the 80s. He said, and I quote, "I sat through every episode of Kenco."
November 17, 2025 at 11:12 AM
Last night I asked my husband what tv programmes he was subjected to by his parents, at home back in the 80s. He said, and I quote, "I sat through every episode of Kenco."
Saw a muscle-bound builder cry his eyes out after he dropped his Rolex into a cement mixer. That was a hard watch.
November 15, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Saw a muscle-bound builder cry his eyes out after he dropped his Rolex into a cement mixer. That was a hard watch.
Damn. No acting partnership set the screen ablaze quite like Redford and Newman.
Forever the Sundance Kid.
Forever the Sundance Kid.
September 16, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Damn. No acting partnership set the screen ablaze quite like Redford and Newman.
Forever the Sundance Kid.
Forever the Sundance Kid.
My village scarecrow trail has outdone itself this year. With a theme of 'Famous Duos', this stunning depiction of PJ & Duncan will scar local children for years. Bravo!
August 24, 2025 at 11:54 AM
My village scarecrow trail has outdone itself this year. With a theme of 'Famous Duos', this stunning depiction of PJ & Duncan will scar local children for years. Bravo!
Just had a near death experience on the M4.
I drove past Slough.
I drove past Slough.
August 24, 2025 at 11:45 AM
Just had a near death experience on the M4.
I drove past Slough.
I drove past Slough.
[Morecambe & Wise, lying in bed, watching a documentary about a drug dealer addicted to Häagen-Dazs]
Eric: He's not going to sell much speed going at that ice cream, is he?
Eric: He's not going to sell much speed going at that ice cream, is he?
August 22, 2025 at 8:32 AM
[Morecambe & Wise, lying in bed, watching a documentary about a drug dealer addicted to Häagen-Dazs]
Eric: He's not going to sell much speed going at that ice cream, is he?
Eric: He's not going to sell much speed going at that ice cream, is he?
Wool!
Huh!
What is it good for?
Absolutely knitting
Say it again
Huh!
What is it good for?
Absolutely knitting
Say it again
August 21, 2025 at 4:32 PM
Wool!
Huh!
What is it good for?
Absolutely knitting
Say it again
Huh!
What is it good for?
Absolutely knitting
Say it again
Not long back from a 5 mile run. Man, that was one persistent wasp.
August 21, 2025 at 9:23 AM
Not long back from a 5 mile run. Man, that was one persistent wasp.
Make it a fiver and I'll come and do the washing-up.
August 17, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Make it a fiver and I'll come and do the washing-up.
I've just verified my age with a word-perfect rendition of the monologue from The A-Team's opening credits.
July 25, 2025 at 9:10 AM
I've just verified my age with a word-perfect rendition of the monologue from The A-Team's opening credits.
I'm delighted the Lionesses won and I'm saddened by the passing of Ozzy Osbourne - but there is something very wrong in our society when the national news leads with a football story first, the passing of a musician second, and the deliberate starvation of innocent children third.
July 23, 2025 at 12:10 AM
I'm delighted the Lionesses won and I'm saddened by the passing of Ozzy Osbourne - but there is something very wrong in our society when the national news leads with a football story first, the passing of a musician second, and the deliberate starvation of innocent children third.
Betty Swallocks, Ricky Sting.
Ricky Sting, Betty Swallocks.
🤝
Ricky Sting, Betty Swallocks.
🤝
July 11, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Betty Swallocks, Ricky Sting.
Ricky Sting, Betty Swallocks.
🤝
Ricky Sting, Betty Swallocks.
🤝
Brilliant start to the day; found a leaflet for a strip club and got off to a flyer.
July 9, 2025 at 10:43 AM
Brilliant start to the day; found a leaflet for a strip club and got off to a flyer.
Scenes From A British Restaurant
(with sincere apologies to Billy Joel)
Linda and Trevor they were not very clever
But the king and the queen of the fete
Driving at speed in a Ford Capri with a personalised plate
Nobody dressed quite as skimpy
Or was more of a shit at the local Wimpy
(with sincere apologies to Billy Joel)
Linda and Trevor they were not very clever
But the king and the queen of the fete
Driving at speed in a Ford Capri with a personalised plate
Nobody dressed quite as skimpy
Or was more of a shit at the local Wimpy
July 6, 2025 at 9:38 AM
Scenes From A British Restaurant
(with sincere apologies to Billy Joel)
Linda and Trevor they were not very clever
But the king and the queen of the fete
Driving at speed in a Ford Capri with a personalised plate
Nobody dressed quite as skimpy
Or was more of a shit at the local Wimpy
(with sincere apologies to Billy Joel)
Linda and Trevor they were not very clever
But the king and the queen of the fete
Driving at speed in a Ford Capri with a personalised plate
Nobody dressed quite as skimpy
Or was more of a shit at the local Wimpy
"She got the four of diamonds on the soles of her shoes"
May 31, 2025 at 10:45 AM
"She got the four of diamonds on the soles of her shoes"
Impossible to recommend and applaud 'The Assembly' enough. Life-affirming tv with an abundance of authenticity and humanity. Best thing on the box in a long, long time. 👏👏👏
#theassembly #itv
#theassembly #itv
May 11, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Impossible to recommend and applaud 'The Assembly' enough. Life-affirming tv with an abundance of authenticity and humanity. Best thing on the box in a long, long time. 👏👏👏
#theassembly #itv
#theassembly #itv
TV idea: VIRGO
Virgo is an unconventional homicide detective from Lancashire played by John Virgo. Grumpy face/heart of gold, this guy doesn’t follow the Miss rules. Has a terrier called Dennis. Catchphrases:
"Where's the murder weapon going?" & "Is there any DNA?" "There's *always* DNA."
#Snooker
Virgo is an unconventional homicide detective from Lancashire played by John Virgo. Grumpy face/heart of gold, this guy doesn’t follow the Miss rules. Has a terrier called Dennis. Catchphrases:
"Where's the murder weapon going?" & "Is there any DNA?" "There's *always* DNA."
#Snooker
May 4, 2025 at 6:47 PM
TV idea: VIRGO
Virgo is an unconventional homicide detective from Lancashire played by John Virgo. Grumpy face/heart of gold, this guy doesn’t follow the Miss rules. Has a terrier called Dennis. Catchphrases:
"Where's the murder weapon going?" & "Is there any DNA?" "There's *always* DNA."
#Snooker
Virgo is an unconventional homicide detective from Lancashire played by John Virgo. Grumpy face/heart of gold, this guy doesn’t follow the Miss rules. Has a terrier called Dennis. Catchphrases:
"Where's the murder weapon going?" & "Is there any DNA?" "There's *always* DNA."
#Snooker
Reposted by Jon Monie
In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
April 9, 2025 at 1:04 PM
In these challenging times someone might need one of them:
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
Childline: 0800 1111
Samaritans: 116 123
Domestic Violence Hotline: 0808 2000 247
Mind: 0300 123 3393
Age UK: 0800 169 6565
Alcoholics Anonymous : 0800 9177 650
Cruse Bereavement Care: 0808 808 1677
MH text support: 85258
My parents went to a 1980s convention and all I got was this blousy t-shirt.
April 15, 2025 at 11:00 AM
My parents went to a 1980s convention and all I got was this blousy t-shirt.
So, farewell then WH Smith - home of my first Saturday job on the typically random 'Records and Pens' counter. The day a customer demanded, "How long does an ink cartridge last?" remains a particular highlight.
March 28, 2025 at 10:36 AM
So, farewell then WH Smith - home of my first Saturday job on the typically random 'Records and Pens' counter. The day a customer demanded, "How long does an ink cartridge last?" remains a particular highlight.
I drove all night
To get to Bude
To get to Bude
March 7, 2025 at 9:55 AM
I drove all night
To get to Bude
To get to Bude
Oh man. Gene Hackman. As complete a screen actor as there's ever been. Everyman or President, he brought truth, weight, and humanity to each role; you couldn't take your eyes off him. A giant.
February 27, 2025 at 10:01 AM
Oh man. Gene Hackman. As complete a screen actor as there's ever been. Everyman or President, he brought truth, weight, and humanity to each role; you couldn't take your eyes off him. A giant.
Apparently, I've too much iron in my blood. I say this with a heavy heart.
February 24, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Apparently, I've too much iron in my blood. I say this with a heavy heart.
Some people have, say, twenty countries they want to visit before they die. I can't even think of twenty friends I'd like to see before I pop off.
(This is a joke. I've scraped together a list of twenty-one, three of which are dogs.)
(This is a joke. I've scraped together a list of twenty-one, three of which are dogs.)
February 7, 2025 at 10:23 AM
Some people have, say, twenty countries they want to visit before they die. I can't even think of twenty friends I'd like to see before I pop off.
(This is a joke. I've scraped together a list of twenty-one, three of which are dogs.)
(This is a joke. I've scraped together a list of twenty-one, three of which are dogs.)
