It’s March 31, 2025.

In Humpty Dumpty

The king’s horses

Is his cavalry

HIS. CAVALRY.

Thank you. Goodnight.

Not many people know this, but being an orphan by age 45 is nice. When your parents are already dead you'll never have to watch them get old and need you to care for them.

I've never felt more intense pangs of jealously and envy than I do at this moment for the person who will pull the lever to drop the floor for Stephen Miller. I know that's the eventual end for fascist thugs who do not choose the coward's escape. Oh, how I wish it could be me.

We the People need to go to Washington, yank them out of their comfy cozy offices, and tell them that this is decision day: resign and be replaced by men and women willing to do the jobs they won’t and the fights they’ve fled from. They can live out retirement in disgrace. No other options.

If you're looking at the animated guy on the right and reading him as a "white tourist", I'm extremely sorry, that's a you problem. He is animated with no visual racial signifiers. He's bald, his face is round, he has dark sunglasses. His character's point is for a running gag, and that's all.

THEIR PLAN!

Step 1: Lie, cheat, steal the election
Step 2: Ally with Russia
Step 3: Break the economy, create massive unemployment
(we're here, btw)
Step 4: Drive people out onto the streets in protest
Step 5: Declare martial law and proceed with mass arrests
Step 6: Stay in power indefinitely

One thing I dislike about the entire internet is you can’t get cool points for obscure knowledge because you can’t prove you didn’t google it. So if someone mentions Mercyhurst College in Erie, PA, you can’t just say “that’s actually the college they went to in the film “That Thing You Do!” Lame.

These are 10 days apart. When I shave I take a good 10 years off my face

I’m making a test run of telling this news here, with a smaller audience: I’m officially announcing my celibacy. I’m 45, I’ve been divorced for three years, I thought maybe it would come back around. Thing is, I don’t want it to. I’m happy to be a solo act for the rest of my life.

Can’t believe it’s been three years since I announced my divorce to my friends and family. Still feels like yesterday.

So you’re telling me Pottersville, with its gambling and titty shows, still has a public library?

Not all the time but some of the time I miss delivering for Amazon. Just driving my van all over Delaware, radio pumping out tunes, just me and the road. I wouldn’t want to do it all the time, but if I could do it for a week here and there, that would be fun.

Sometimes I look like the left. Sometimes the middle. Sometimes the right. I’m a chameleon!