John Branning
@johnbranningfunny.bsky.social
Writer of alleged humor, and also certified light verse.
"Profit is sweet, even if it comes from deception." ~ Sophocles
Just a reminder that my Substack is free, and will remain that way until I can deceive you into paying for it.
Just a reminder that my Substack is free, and will remain that way until I can deceive you into paying for it.
The You Won't Profit From This Edition
One Week 'til Christmas, 2025
open.substack.com
December 18, 2025 at 9:09 PM
"Profit is sweet, even if it comes from deception." ~ Sophocles
Just a reminder that my Substack is free, and will remain that way until I can deceive you into paying for it.
Just a reminder that my Substack is free, and will remain that way until I can deceive you into paying for it.
Whether you're ready or not, here comes another edition of my Substack. I had to brave the elements (quite literally, although not so dramatically) to pull this one together. Link pictured below.
The Take This Snow and Shovel It Edition
Gettin' goin' with December, 2025
johnbranning.substack.com
December 10, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Whether you're ready or not, here comes another edition of my Substack. I had to brave the elements (quite literally, although not so dramatically) to pull this one together. Link pictured below.
Much as the remnants of our turkey carcass have been transformed into stock, so have the remnants of my thoughts and experiences of this past week been transformed into the latest edition of my Substack -- link found below. My apologies for this exquisitely painful attempt at metaphor.
The (Micro)Wave Goodbye Edition
Coming Down Off Thanksgiving, 2025
open.substack.com
November 30, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Much as the remnants of our turkey carcass have been transformed into stock, so have the remnants of my thoughts and experiences of this past week been transformed into the latest edition of my Substack -- link found below. My apologies for this exquisitely painful attempt at metaphor.
Next, the WaPo editorial board will opine on low-flow toilets and the Obama-Biden war on water pressure.
November 25, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Next, the WaPo editorial board will opine on low-flow toilets and the Obama-Biden war on water pressure.
Take a breather and read all about my potential sleep apnea diagnosis -- along with some politically-themed light verse that will take your breath away -- in the latest edition of my Substack. #Trump #Ukraine #sedition #sleepapnea #MTG #politics
The Breaking S-news Edition
As Thanksgiving Looms, 2025
open.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Here's a link to the latest edition of my Substack -- it is free, and therefore only slightly overpriced. #humor #Trump #Epstein
The Let's Stay Focused Edition
November 15, 2025
open.substack.com
November 15, 2025 at 8:57 PM
As threatened... er, promised -- here's a new edition of my Substack, following closely on the heels of my last edition. Read and enjoy!
The Not-at-Home-on-the-Range Edition
Early November, 2026
johnbranning.substack.com
November 3, 2025 at 8:50 PM
As threatened... er, promised -- here's a new edition of my Substack, following closely on the heels of my last edition. Read and enjoy!
A link to my new but not necessarily improved Substack can be found as pictured below. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
The Meme and My Shadow Edition
Strolling down the avenue of various trials and tribulations in late Oct. 2026
open.substack.com
October 24, 2025 at 9:44 PM
A link to my new but not necessarily improved Substack can be found as pictured below. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
I am your President, DJT –
you should not dare make fun of me,
or criticize the things I do...
[speaking of criticism: you're more than welcome to offer yours in response to the post linked below]
you should not dare make fun of me,
or criticize the things I do...
[speaking of criticism: you're more than welcome to offer yours in response to the post linked below]
Left Speechless
“Free speech is the counterweight–it is the check on government control.” ~ Brendan Carr (who just got Jimmy Kimmel knocked off TV)
trumpinverse.com
September 18, 2025 at 1:52 PM
I am your President, DJT –
you should not dare make fun of me,
or criticize the things I do...
[speaking of criticism: you're more than welcome to offer yours in response to the post linked below]
you should not dare make fun of me,
or criticize the things I do...
[speaking of criticism: you're more than welcome to offer yours in response to the post linked below]
I’ve stopped all crime in Washington – that is, if you agree
that when a husband smacks his wife around, it’s not a felony.
As long as it’s a little fight, and takes place in a dwelling...
[no need to get punchy -- just poke the link pictured below to read the rest of this post]
that when a husband smacks his wife around, it’s not a felony.
As long as it’s a little fight, and takes place in a dwelling...
[no need to get punchy -- just poke the link pictured below to read the rest of this post]
Taking A Hit
“Violence does not need to be used very often; it merely needs to be convincing when it is used.” ~ Judith Lewis Herman
trumpinverse.com
September 9, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I’ve stopped all crime in Washington – that is, if you agree
that when a husband smacks his wife around, it’s not a felony.
As long as it’s a little fight, and takes place in a dwelling...
[no need to get punchy -- just poke the link pictured below to read the rest of this post]
that when a husband smacks his wife around, it’s not a felony.
As long as it’s a little fight, and takes place in a dwelling...
[no need to get punchy -- just poke the link pictured below to read the rest of this post]
My favorite dance? The Hokey-Pokey.
Most comedians are jokey.
Japanese love karaoke...
[if you love the smell of light verse in the morning, click on the link below and inhale deeply]
trumpinverse.com/2025/09/07/t...
Most comedians are jokey.
Japanese love karaoke...
[if you love the smell of light verse in the morning, click on the link below and inhale deeply]
trumpinverse.com/2025/09/07/t...
September 7, 2025 at 2:35 PM
My favorite dance? The Hokey-Pokey.
Most comedians are jokey.
Japanese love karaoke...
[if you love the smell of light verse in the morning, click on the link below and inhale deeply]
trumpinverse.com/2025/09/07/t...
Most comedians are jokey.
Japanese love karaoke...
[if you love the smell of light verse in the morning, click on the link below and inhale deeply]
trumpinverse.com/2025/09/07/t...
In the midst of Putin sending drones,
an action that no one condones,
I thought that I would be remiss...
[picture what you think comes next, and then click on the link pictured below to see if you were right!]
an action that no one condones,
I thought that I would be remiss...
[picture what you think comes next, and then click on the link pictured below to see if you were right!]
Picture Perfect
“Look at this photograph / Every time I do, it makes me laugh” ~ Nickelback
trumpinverse.com
September 4, 2025 at 3:08 PM
In the midst of Putin sending drones,
an action that no one condones,
I thought that I would be remiss...
[picture what you think comes next, and then click on the link pictured below to see if you were right!]
an action that no one condones,
I thought that I would be remiss...
[picture what you think comes next, and then click on the link pictured below to see if you were right!]
I laid out a long, red carpet, and exchanged a hearty handshake –
not some wussy one, but robust – like the kind a real man makes.
Vlad was welcomed to our country, even though accused of war crimes...
[i'd be honored if you'd stroll through the rest of this verse, as found in the link below] #Trump
not some wussy one, but robust – like the kind a real man makes.
Vlad was welcomed to our country, even though accused of war crimes...
[i'd be honored if you'd stroll through the rest of this verse, as found in the link below] #Trump
Carpet Diem
“I see myself within your eyes / And that’s all I need to show me why / Everything I do always takes me home to you / Ever and ever” ~ “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend'…
trumpinverse.com
August 19, 2025 at 3:10 PM
I laid out a long, red carpet, and exchanged a hearty handshake –
not some wussy one, but robust – like the kind a real man makes.
Vlad was welcomed to our country, even though accused of war crimes...
[i'd be honored if you'd stroll through the rest of this verse, as found in the link below] #Trump
not some wussy one, but robust – like the kind a real man makes.
Vlad was welcomed to our country, even though accused of war crimes...
[i'd be honored if you'd stroll through the rest of this verse, as found in the link below] #Trump
Watch her lips move like a machine gun,
with those lies spit out rat-a-tat.
There’s a better brain? I’ve never seen one...
[press on to the link pictured below to read more of this post]
with those lies spit out rat-a-tat.
There’s a better brain? I’ve never seen one...
[press on to the link pictured below to read more of this post]
Leavitt-ation
“A free press is one where it’s okay to state the conclusion you’re led to by the evidence.” ~ David Carr
trumpinverse.com
August 3, 2025 at 12:05 PM
Watch her lips move like a machine gun,
with those lies spit out rat-a-tat.
There’s a better brain? I’ve never seen one...
[press on to the link pictured below to read more of this post]
with those lies spit out rat-a-tat.
There’s a better brain? I’ve never seen one...
[press on to the link pictured below to read more of this post]
My skin is thin. How thin is it?
The slightest slight – I’ll lose my shit.
You ridicule me on TV?...
[if you have any interest in the rest of the skinny on this topic, please click on the link pictured below]
The slightest slight – I’ll lose my shit.
You ridicule me on TV?...
[if you have any interest in the rest of the skinny on this topic, please click on the link pictured below]
Scot Under the Collar
Trump’s typical response: “I’m rubber, and you’re glue.” Guess that’s why we’re stuck with him.
trumpinverse.com
July 27, 2025 at 3:59 PM
My skin is thin. How thin is it?
The slightest slight – I’ll lose my shit.
You ridicule me on TV?...
[if you have any interest in the rest of the skinny on this topic, please click on the link pictured below]
The slightest slight – I’ll lose my shit.
You ridicule me on TV?...
[if you have any interest in the rest of the skinny on this topic, please click on the link pictured below]
They say the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has become "toothless" under the current administration -- fortunately, I am possessed of the dental fortitude to take on these issues all by myself.
Bar None - John Branning
Here's something to chew on.
johnbranning.com
July 16, 2025 at 11:48 AM
They say the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau has become "toothless" under the current administration -- fortunately, I am possessed of the dental fortitude to take on these issues all by myself.
The Epstein Files have caused a schism;
MAGA’s full of criticism.
Bondi, Kash Patel, Bongino...
[don't file this under "to be read" -- read the rest of it right now by clicking on the link pictured below]
MAGA’s full of criticism.
Bondi, Kash Patel, Bongino...
[don't file this under "to be read" -- read the rest of it right now by clicking on the link pictured below]
List-less
Three-ring binders lead to three-ring circus.
trumpinverse.com
July 13, 2025 at 11:06 AM
The Epstein Files have caused a schism;
MAGA’s full of criticism.
Bondi, Kash Patel, Bongino...
[don't file this under "to be read" -- read the rest of it right now by clicking on the link pictured below]
MAGA’s full of criticism.
Bondi, Kash Patel, Bongino...
[don't file this under "to be read" -- read the rest of it right now by clicking on the link pictured below]
I sent a bunch of letters to address this tariff feud.
Within them, there were errors; they contained a multitude:
the use of random Capitals, and one rogue honorific...
[by now, you should be checking by wrote... er, by rote for the link below to the rest of these verses]
Within them, there were errors; they contained a multitude:
the use of random Capitals, and one rogue honorific...
[by now, you should be checking by wrote... er, by rote for the link below to the rest of these verses]
Written Off
“The Moving Middle Finger writes; and having writ, Moves on…”
trumpinverse.com
July 8, 2025 at 2:37 PM
I sent a bunch of letters to address this tariff feud.
Within them, there were errors; they contained a multitude:
the use of random Capitals, and one rogue honorific...
[by now, you should be checking by wrote... er, by rote for the link below to the rest of these verses]
Within them, there were errors; they contained a multitude:
the use of random Capitals, and one rogue honorific...
[by now, you should be checking by wrote... er, by rote for the link below to the rest of these verses]
I don’t know what a “shylock” is, because I’ve never read a book.
My teachers used to offer them to me: “Here, Donny – take a look…”
They told me Shakespeare wrote some plays, their language crafted with precision...
[you'll see the rest of this verse anon by clicking on the link pictured below]
My teachers used to offer them to me: “Here, Donny – take a look…”
They told me Shakespeare wrote some plays, their language crafted with precision...
[you'll see the rest of this verse anon by clicking on the link pictured below]
How Like a Fawning (Re)publican
“If I am (allegedly) shot in the ear, do I not bleed?”
trumpinverse.com
July 5, 2025 at 9:25 PM
I don’t know what a “shylock” is, because I’ve never read a book.
My teachers used to offer them to me: “Here, Donny – take a look…”
They told me Shakespeare wrote some plays, their language crafted with precision...
[you'll see the rest of this verse anon by clicking on the link pictured below]
My teachers used to offer them to me: “Here, Donny – take a look…”
They told me Shakespeare wrote some plays, their language crafted with precision...
[you'll see the rest of this verse anon by clicking on the link pictured below]
“Ah, the smell of it!” – the tagline used for Calvin Klein’s Obsession;
it sure made him lots of money. So – I now will sell perfume.
It’s my latest money-grubbing grift and ethical transgression...
[you can sniff out the rest of this one by clicking on the link pictured below]
it sure made him lots of money. So – I now will sell perfume.
It’s my latest money-grubbing grift and ethical transgression...
[you can sniff out the rest of this one by clicking on the link pictured below]
Doesn’t Pass the Smell Test
A ruse by any other name would still stink.
trumpinverse.com
July 1, 2025 at 2:03 PM
“Ah, the smell of it!” – the tagline used for Calvin Klein’s Obsession;
it sure made him lots of money. So – I now will sell perfume.
It’s my latest money-grubbing grift and ethical transgression...
[you can sniff out the rest of this one by clicking on the link pictured below]
it sure made him lots of money. So – I now will sell perfume.
It’s my latest money-grubbing grift and ethical transgression...
[you can sniff out the rest of this one by clicking on the link pictured below]
I used the word “OBLITERATE”
to prove that I am liter-ate.
Its meaning? Clear and absolute...
[there's nothing crater...er, I mean greater than the rest of this verse, found by clicking on the link pictured below]
to prove that I am liter-ate.
Its meaning? Clear and absolute...
[there's nothing crater...er, I mean greater than the rest of this verse, found by clicking on the link pictured below]
Boom Harangue
Besides a mention of the bunker buster, there’s also an f-bomb in this post. Just following Trump’s example…
trumpinverse.com
June 27, 2025 at 6:48 PM
I used the word “OBLITERATE”
to prove that I am liter-ate.
Its meaning? Clear and absolute...
[there's nothing crater...er, I mean greater than the rest of this verse, found by clicking on the link pictured below]
to prove that I am liter-ate.
Its meaning? Clear and absolute...
[there's nothing crater...er, I mean greater than the rest of this verse, found by clicking on the link pictured below]
I do a lot, but never get the credit.
I say that it’s OK, but still it burns.
With all I’ve done… how quickly they forget it...
(give yourself credit for good taste if you continue to read this post by clicking on the link below)
I say that it’s OK, but still it burns.
With all I’ve done… how quickly they forget it...
(give yourself credit for good taste if you continue to read this post by clicking on the link below)
Credit Risky
“No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it.” ~ Andrew Carnegie (a real billionaire)
trumpinverse.com
June 17, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I do a lot, but never get the credit.
I say that it’s OK, but still it burns.
With all I’ve done… how quickly they forget it...
(give yourself credit for good taste if you continue to read this post by clicking on the link below)
I say that it’s OK, but still it burns.
With all I’ve done… how quickly they forget it...
(give yourself credit for good taste if you continue to read this post by clicking on the link below)
I had a bunch of soldiers march, to celebrate the Army.
‘Twas its birthday (also mine) in a most fortunate confluence
of events. I made it clear that if you threaten us with harm, we...
(troop on down to the link below to read the rest of this post)
‘Twas its birthday (also mine) in a most fortunate confluence
of events. I made it clear that if you threaten us with harm, we...
(troop on down to the link below to read the rest of this post)
March for a Wouldn’t Soldier
There were many more attending Boot-Him-Out Camp than there were attending his parade.
trumpinverse.com
June 15, 2025 at 4:53 PM
I had a bunch of soldiers march, to celebrate the Army.
‘Twas its birthday (also mine) in a most fortunate confluence
of events. I made it clear that if you threaten us with harm, we...
(troop on down to the link below to read the rest of this post)
‘Twas its birthday (also mine) in a most fortunate confluence
of events. I made it clear that if you threaten us with harm, we...
(troop on down to the link below to read the rest of this post)
The Navy has an oiler ship that’s named for Harvey Milk.
He served in the Korean War; discharged for being gay.
He fought for civil rights, along with others of his ilk...
(to read more about the *pride* Pete Hegseth has for our nation's fleet, click on the link pictured below)
He served in the Korean War; discharged for being gay.
He fought for civil rights, along with others of his ilk...
(to read more about the *pride* Pete Hegseth has for our nation's fleet, click on the link pictured below)
Sunken Pride
To the U.S. Navy’s core values of “Honor, Courage, and Commitment” — we can now add the caveat “… Unless You’re Committed to Social Justice”
trumpinverse.com
June 4, 2025 at 3:46 PM
The Navy has an oiler ship that’s named for Harvey Milk.
He served in the Korean War; discharged for being gay.
He fought for civil rights, along with others of his ilk...
(to read more about the *pride* Pete Hegseth has for our nation's fleet, click on the link pictured below)
He served in the Korean War; discharged for being gay.
He fought for civil rights, along with others of his ilk...
(to read more about the *pride* Pete Hegseth has for our nation's fleet, click on the link pictured below)
[Sen. Joni Ernst (and most of her GOP colleagues)]
People are going to die – that’s a fact.
So let’s not sugar-coat it or overreact.
Your death is a certainty; likewise, your taxes...
(and while it's not inevitable, I hope you'll read the rest of this by clicking on the link pictured here)
People are going to die – that’s a fact.
So let’s not sugar-coat it or overreact.
Your death is a certainty; likewise, your taxes...
(and while it's not inevitable, I hope you'll read the rest of this by clicking on the link pictured here)
Dead On Arrival
Neither death nor Joni Ernst should be proud of this sentiment.
trumpinverse.com
May 31, 2025 at 1:46 PM
[Sen. Joni Ernst (and most of her GOP colleagues)]
People are going to die – that’s a fact.
So let’s not sugar-coat it or overreact.
Your death is a certainty; likewise, your taxes...
(and while it's not inevitable, I hope you'll read the rest of this by clicking on the link pictured here)
People are going to die – that’s a fact.
So let’s not sugar-coat it or overreact.
Your death is a certainty; likewise, your taxes...
(and while it's not inevitable, I hope you'll read the rest of this by clicking on the link pictured here)