Joey Headset
@joeyheadset.bsky.social
I am no longer on speaking terms with Phil Collins.
He knows why.
He knows why.
My (heavily redacted) prediction of how this season of Pluribus is going to end.
December 11, 2025 at 7:16 PM
My (heavily redacted) prediction of how this season of Pluribus is going to end.
Grandma Got Run Over By Some Douchebag in a Cybertruck.
December 11, 2025 at 1:06 AM
Grandma Got Run Over By Some Douchebag in a Cybertruck.
The algorithm just served me an ad for a product called "Better Than Gravy" and I just don't know any more :(
December 5, 2025 at 7:59 PM
The algorithm just served me an ad for a product called "Better Than Gravy" and I just don't know any more :(
At first, I thought this 'gravy enema' was a terrible idea. But now that I've tried it, I can say with some degree of confidence that it was, in every imaginable way, a terrible idea. :(
November 28, 2025 at 4:08 AM
At first, I thought this 'gravy enema' was a terrible idea. But now that I've tried it, I can say with some degree of confidence that it was, in every imaginable way, a terrible idea. :(
"Finnegans Wake? More like Finnegans WOKE lol, amirite!?"
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
November 25, 2025 at 10:47 PM
"Finnegans Wake? More like Finnegans WOKE lol, amirite!?"
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
“McRibbed… for *her* pleasure.”
November 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM
“McRibbed… for *her* pleasure.”
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
November 13, 2025 at 1:53 AM
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
A bargain at twice the price.
November 4, 2025 at 7:50 PM
A bargain at twice the price.
I'm trying to remember the name of a movie from the early 80s. As I recall, the film starred Richard Gere and Barbra Streisand. I thought I knew the movie's title, but nothing comes up on Google when I search for "An Officer and a Yentl Man".
November 4, 2025 at 6:02 PM
I'm trying to remember the name of a movie from the early 80s. As I recall, the film starred Richard Gere and Barbra Streisand. I thought I knew the movie's title, but nothing comes up on Google when I search for "An Officer and a Yentl Man".
I really thought people would enjoy a culinary experience that combines classic Chinese pasta with hearty German cuisine. However, Rabbi Schulman threatened to have me murdered by a 'squad of mohel assassins' if I didn't immediately shut down my food truck "Lo Mein Kampf" :(
October 31, 2025 at 6:52 PM
I really thought people would enjoy a culinary experience that combines classic Chinese pasta with hearty German cuisine. However, Rabbi Schulman threatened to have me murdered by a 'squad of mohel assassins' if I didn't immediately shut down my food truck "Lo Mein Kampf" :(
When archeologists are looking for romance, do they post their profile on carbon dating apps?
October 27, 2025 at 10:08 PM
When archeologists are looking for romance, do they post their profile on carbon dating apps?
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person at this ayahuasca retreat who really *gets* it :(
October 22, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person at this ayahuasca retreat who really *gets* it :(
"Abandon all MOOOOO, ye who enter here."
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
Google Search
www.google.com
October 17, 2025 at 1:24 AM
"Abandon all MOOOOO, ye who enter here."
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
If somebody has a job interview at a company that sells goth themed apparel, should they ‘dress to depress’?
October 15, 2025 at 11:33 PM
If somebody has a job interview at a company that sells goth themed apparel, should they ‘dress to depress’?
Many people believe the Never Ending Pasta Bowl was invented by the Olive Garden. However, the first limitless pasta jug was actually invented by a 17th century spiritualist named Paston Smithley. Upon announcing his invention to the public, he was quickly accused of witchcraft and executed.
October 8, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Many people believe the Never Ending Pasta Bowl was invented by the Olive Garden. However, the first limitless pasta jug was actually invented by a 17th century spiritualist named Paston Smithley. Upon announcing his invention to the public, he was quickly accused of witchcraft and executed.
I'm not angry that Etsy sells a shirt that says 'registered flex offender'.
I'm angry that Etsy sells *dozens* of shirts that say 'registered flex offender' :(
I'm angry that Etsy sells *dozens* of shirts that say 'registered flex offender' :(
August 23, 2025 at 8:49 PM
I'm not angry that Etsy sells a shirt that says 'registered flex offender'.
I'm angry that Etsy sells *dozens* of shirts that say 'registered flex offender' :(
I'm angry that Etsy sells *dozens* of shirts that say 'registered flex offender' :(
"WELL GUESS WHAT I'M ACTUALLY MORE OF A QDOBA GUY!!!"
—thing I yell every time I get violently expelled from a Chipotle restaurant.
—thing I yell every time I get violently expelled from a Chipotle restaurant.
August 23, 2025 at 7:24 PM
"WELL GUESS WHAT I'M ACTUALLY MORE OF A QDOBA GUY!!!"
—thing I yell every time I get violently expelled from a Chipotle restaurant.
—thing I yell every time I get violently expelled from a Chipotle restaurant.
"I'm looking for an investment that provides regular dividends and also makes everyone in my family feel like they're disappointing me."
"So... you're looking for passive aggressive income."
"Sure. I mean, I would have chosen a different way to describe it, but that's fine."
"So... you're looking for passive aggressive income."
"Sure. I mean, I would have chosen a different way to describe it, but that's fine."
August 21, 2025 at 9:12 PM
"I'm looking for an investment that provides regular dividends and also makes everyone in my family feel like they're disappointing me."
"So... you're looking for passive aggressive income."
"Sure. I mean, I would have chosen a different way to describe it, but that's fine."
"So... you're looking for passive aggressive income."
"Sure. I mean, I would have chosen a different way to describe it, but that's fine."
"Mocaps before hocaps!"
—Andy Serkis
—Andy Serkis
August 11, 2025 at 11:48 PM
"Mocaps before hocaps!"
—Andy Serkis
—Andy Serkis
I always wondered what Billy Corgan meant when he sang about "vampire scented rain". Raises a lot of questions. What do vampires smell like? Under what circumstances does rain take on a vampiric odor?
August 11, 2025 at 12:29 AM
I always wondered what Billy Corgan meant when he sang about "vampire scented rain". Raises a lot of questions. What do vampires smell like? Under what circumstances does rain take on a vampiric odor?
Just left CVS. Really discouraged to discover that Pumpkin Spice flavored dental dams are a 'seasonal item' :(
August 9, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Just left CVS. Really discouraged to discover that Pumpkin Spice flavored dental dams are a 'seasonal item' :(
I'm not sure where to begin.
August 5, 2025 at 3:05 AM
I'm not sure where to begin.
Does anybody know a pilates instructor who enjoys 90s dancehall/rap music? Specifically, I'm looking for one that *won't* throw me out of the facility for singing Snow's 'Informer', but replacing the title word with 'Reformer!'.
August 3, 2025 at 9:50 PM
Does anybody know a pilates instructor who enjoys 90s dancehall/rap music? Specifically, I'm looking for one that *won't* throw me out of the facility for singing Snow's 'Informer', but replacing the title word with 'Reformer!'.
I feel like Minions themed erotic content shouldn't pop up on your computer unless you're actively searching for it.
July 27, 2025 at 8:48 PM
I feel like Minions themed erotic content shouldn't pop up on your computer unless you're actively searching for it.