Jimmy Biscuits
@jimmybiscuits.bsky.social
If you’re at my house and have to shit go home
West Coast 🇨🇦🇬🇧 that/it
Spit takes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uft5tq2vgy3jxzxojtzpgepr/feed/aaahewkuf32zc
West Coast 🇨🇦🇬🇧 that/it
Spit takes: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uft5tq2vgy3jxzxojtzpgepr/feed/aaahewkuf32zc
Pinned
Jimmy Biscuits
@jimmybiscuits.bsky.social
· Dec 12
Jesus: k, I’m back I guess
Me (a member of the HOA): YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE WATER IN THE PUBLIC POOL WITHOUT—OH GREAT NOW IT’S WINE
Me (a member of the HOA): YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE WATER IN THE PUBLIC POOL WITHOUT—OH GREAT NOW IT’S WINE
It’s no Airbnb but come on lol get serious you guys lmao
September 29, 2025 at 4:47 AM
It’s no Airbnb but come on lol get serious you guys lmao
Even a while since I posted on here because I’m finding it hard to think humourous thoughts in the current world we live in.
Now I’m over on threads shitting all over fascism, rapist, pedophile and racism supporters.
I’ll be back when I think of some funny shit.
Now I’m over on threads shitting all over fascism, rapist, pedophile and racism supporters.
I’ll be back when I think of some funny shit.
August 8, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Even a while since I posted on here because I’m finding it hard to think humourous thoughts in the current world we live in.
Now I’m over on threads shitting all over fascism, rapist, pedophile and racism supporters.
I’ll be back when I think of some funny shit.
Now I’m over on threads shitting all over fascism, rapist, pedophile and racism supporters.
I’ll be back when I think of some funny shit.
Bands, please stop producing warbly music that sounds like you’re underwater.
July 19, 2025 at 1:23 AM
Bands, please stop producing warbly music that sounds like you’re underwater.
Them: I’m not gonna lie bu—
Me: I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIE WHO OPENS A STATEMENT THAT WAY GROW UP
Me: I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIE WHO OPENS A STATEMENT THAT WAY GROW UP
July 14, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Them: I’m not gonna lie bu—
Me: I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIE WHO OPENS A STATEMENT THAT WAY GROW UP
Me: I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LIE WHO OPENS A STATEMENT THAT WAY GROW UP
Real quick but can Coldplay just stfu
July 9, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Real quick but can Coldplay just stfu
Posting this late as fuck because I am eating crow.
I *used* to hate saxophone in rock music
My go-to joke was I hate them, then I would masturbate during the “entirety of Billy Joel’s ‘Just The Way You Are’.”
Well, now I’m listening to a lot more rock music AND I CAN’T KEEP MY HANDS OF MY DICK
I *used* to hate saxophone in rock music
My go-to joke was I hate them, then I would masturbate during the “entirety of Billy Joel’s ‘Just The Way You Are’.”
Well, now I’m listening to a lot more rock music AND I CAN’T KEEP MY HANDS OF MY DICK
July 6, 2025 at 7:17 AM
Posting this late as fuck because I am eating crow.
I *used* to hate saxophone in rock music
My go-to joke was I hate them, then I would masturbate during the “entirety of Billy Joel’s ‘Just The Way You Are’.”
Well, now I’m listening to a lot more rock music AND I CAN’T KEEP MY HANDS OF MY DICK
I *used* to hate saxophone in rock music
My go-to joke was I hate them, then I would masturbate during the “entirety of Billy Joel’s ‘Just The Way You Are’.”
Well, now I’m listening to a lot more rock music AND I CAN’T KEEP MY HANDS OF MY DICK
Reposted by Jimmy Biscuits
Me, after going through all the steps to register a company as a news outlet and be vetted by the White House to appear as a reporter at a press conference:
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
June 30, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Me, after going through all the steps to register a company as a news outlet and be vetted by the White House to appear as a reporter at a press conference:
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
Hey real quick I just wanted to AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank you for your time
Thank you for your time
July 3, 2025 at 7:45 AM
Hey real quick I just wanted to AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank you for your time
Thank you for your time
Me, after going through all the steps to register a company as a news outlet and be vetted by the White House to appear as a reporter at a press conference:
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
June 30, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Me, after going through all the steps to register a company as a news outlet and be vetted by the White House to appear as a reporter at a press conference:
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
“Yes, thank you Mr. President, my question is, what is that smell? Is it you?”
Man I am like SO glad there is a channel dedicated to 24 hour sports* even when there is zero sports.*
*news
*news
June 19, 2025 at 6:32 AM
Man I am like SO glad there is a channel dedicated to 24 hour sports* even when there is zero sports.*
*news
*news
Y’all gotta watch Mobland. It’s brill.
June 17, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Y’all gotta watch Mobland. It’s brill.
Instagram feeding me a “you might know” featuring a toothless dude holding up a fish and a dreamcatcher like OKAY THEN LOL NOOOO
June 15, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Instagram feeding me a “you might know” featuring a toothless dude holding up a fish and a dreamcatcher like OKAY THEN LOL NOOOO
Those Charmin bears need to calm the fuck down.
June 10, 2025 at 6:47 AM
Those Charmin bears need to calm the fuck down.
I’m the guy who slows my gait so you don’t have to hold the elevator door.
See also: pretending to drop my keys
See also: pretending to drop my keys
June 3, 2025 at 4:51 AM
I’m the guy who slows my gait so you don’t have to hold the elevator door.
See also: pretending to drop my keys
See also: pretending to drop my keys
HOCKEY RANT
How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand?
You’re on broadcast TV ffs.
How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand?
You’re on broadcast TV ffs.
May 19, 2025 at 6:55 AM
HOCKEY RANT
How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand?
You’re on broadcast TV ffs.
How have the majority of NHL commentators who buy expensive suits NOT been informed that you undo the jacket when you sit, and do it up again when you stand?
You’re on broadcast TV ffs.
I just bought this thing on Amazon that sniffs your balls for you… and guys, I am embarrassed wow
May 19, 2025 at 3:17 AM
I just bought this thing on Amazon that sniffs your balls for you… and guys, I am embarrassed wow
Re: Kars 4 Kids Ads
1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous.
2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip.
3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh
1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous.
2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip.
3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh
May 19, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Re: Kars 4 Kids Ads
1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous.
2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip.
3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh
1) That drummer doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ridiculous.
2) Exactly zero mics. Get a grip.
3) None of them are even old enough to drive smh
It’s like NO one on this app gives a blue fuck that it’s GMC Truck Month smh
May 19, 2025 at 12:06 AM
It’s like NO one on this app gives a blue fuck that it’s GMC Truck Month smh
Reposted by Jimmy Biscuits
If you love Star Wars so much, why don't you name your baby *Chewbacca sound*
May 16, 2025 at 1:34 PM
If you love Star Wars so much, why don't you name your baby *Chewbacca sound*
Hi lol
Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”?
I feel like some of you have forgotten.
Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”?
I feel like some of you have forgotten.
May 17, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Hi lol
Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”?
I feel like some of you have forgotten.
Okay so can everyone please remember on March 2, 2024 the NYT Crossword called Elmo a “monster”?
I feel like some of you have forgotten.
Thought I’d pop in and let you guys know that I am single-handedly keeping the cinnamon raisin bagel industry alive
1/2
1/2
May 8, 2025 at 10:41 AM
Thought I’d pop in and let you guys know that I am single-handedly keeping the cinnamon raisin bagel industry alive
1/2
1/2
My dad has passed and now that I’m at the house it’s crazy like WTF ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THIS SHIT MANNNNN
April 25, 2025 at 4:44 AM
My dad has passed and now that I’m at the house it’s crazy like WTF ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL THIS SHIT MANNNNN
Hey everyone!
I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads.
Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS.
Anyway, fuck JKFouling.
Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.
I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads.
Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS.
Anyway, fuck JKFouling.
Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.
April 25, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Hey everyone!
I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads.
Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS.
Anyway, fuck JKFouling.
Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.
I was like super busy trying to get banned from Threads.
Took a minute but I achieved succsYESSSSS.
Anyway, fuck JKFouling.
Instead, hail Pablo Picassohhh—shit I mean Pedro Pascal.
Know what guys I’m serious the number one reason Seinfeld is and was an abject and objective failure is because of that unrealistic breakfast cereal shelf I swear to god who are you fooling lol fuck off Jer
April 21, 2025 at 12:49 PM
Know what guys I’m serious the number one reason Seinfeld is and was an abject and objective failure is because of that unrealistic breakfast cereal shelf I swear to god who are you fooling lol fuck off Jer
The surly well-dressed teens laughed, and honestly that felt worse than the nails through my hands and feet.
April 19, 2025 at 3:28 AM
The surly well-dressed teens laughed, and honestly that felt worse than the nails through my hands and feet.