I'm so glad you found belonging <3 The more I learn about human development through the lens of adoption, the more I see that I **couldn't** know what I didn't know. It can feel unbelievably heavy to integrate info about ourselves that the vast majority of people learn before they have memory of it.

It's ostensibly to protect the privacy of biological mothers, but it's really for the comfort of adoptive parents and to prop up an extremely flawed industry.

I'm actually fortunate to have been born in Colorado, because I grew up in TX where a court order is still required to unseal a file.

Even cars come with a Carfax to show a vehicle's history, and we get recall notifications when a problem is identified by someone else with the same model. No one is a blank slate, but adoptees are treated like one.

I opened my envelope in a closet, still feeling like I was doing something illicit.

And not only am I having to jump through fiery hoops for this information about my closest genetic relationships, I am doing this while reconciling with the fact that I will never have a chance to meet these people.

There is grief in every direction for adopted people.

To be clear, the biological relationship is not disputed by the state. Just the legal one.

Because the way adoption is conducted in this country, it is a complete legal severance of relationship.

The only reason I now have this document is because she died 25 years ago, permitting release “for genealogical purposes.”

I will be doing the same this year for a biological aunt that died before 40.

Two very close relatives died early, and I am not legally entitled to know cause.

This document was necessary to create a family tree that I used to acquire the death certificate for my biological grandmother, who died relatively early at 59, because I am still not legally entitled to a medical history.