Why we did? We were both disabled. I have cp since birth. He lost a leg while 'protecting me & our country'(read: killed innocent). He hoped I would take care of him, hoped I'll carry his child, while I barely can take care of myself & clean my room. Such delusions made me feel despair.

All because of what? Because I rejected him. Kindly, of course. I was only 17, he was 23 or around so. It already made me uncomfortable in viewing him more than my friend/older brother. I tried to explain, he wouldn't listen. He thought it's normal. He thought we needed each other.

That was terrible. Horrible, actually. Every morning I was being met with a barrage of rage spam of him cursing me for betraying him, my family, my country, all because I refused to support his views on violence, war crimes, war in general, etc. Found out horrible things about him.

Did I ever mention I wanted to find someone? No. Does she still tries to worm it in my head? Yes. She saw what happened when I tried to befriend a local man. He chose violence in another country(SVO/SMO), then tried to feed it to me as something normal. Had to deal with cyberstalking then.

My mom knows I'm not comfortable working among other people, that's why I refuse following my major and working as a teacher. I implied that I'm gonna switch to IT soon. Then she told me she doesn't want me to be locked in with a computer, because I won't find anyone if I do.

Plans after graduating with besties:

- Make a lot of money (somehow)
- Buy a house ranch in the middle of somewhere unknown so no one could get to us & move in with them
- Live happy with 2 dogs, 3 cats, 5 horses, chickens & other animals. :)

Im posting it here because I don't want to tell mom about this. This is so foolish. I don't wanna make her worry about nothing.

I can't remember if there was any time my morning was silent. They're either like this or bragging about politics, death threatening anyone the Big Brother points at. Aren't you tired? Because I surely am.

That's sort of a trauma, I think. I'm hearing those disgusting coos for seven years straight every morning in my house with different grandchildren everytime. Could you please just shut up? I wanna come out of my room without being met by this nonsense.

Murder House, Coven & Freak Show.

Judy Judy bo budy banana fana fo fudy fee fi mo mudy. 👾