@jemzen.bsky.social
Reposted
Reposted
An escalator can never break down, it can only become stairs… sorry for the convenience
- Mitch Hedberg
- Mitch Hedberg
September 23, 2025 at 10:20 PM
An escalator can never break down, it can only become stairs… sorry for the convenience
- Mitch Hedberg
- Mitch Hedberg
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Show the frat bro picture, not the old folks.
The bros bought into TPUSA fantasies of women chained to the bed while the bros did whatever they wanted because they felt sad and inferior after being ignored or hounded by their shrew fathers.
The bros bought into TPUSA fantasies of women chained to the bed while the bros did whatever they wanted because they felt sad and inferior after being ignored or hounded by their shrew fathers.
September 23, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Show the frat bro picture, not the old folks.
The bros bought into TPUSA fantasies of women chained to the bed while the bros did whatever they wanted because they felt sad and inferior after being ignored or hounded by their shrew fathers.
The bros bought into TPUSA fantasies of women chained to the bed while the bros did whatever they wanted because they felt sad and inferior after being ignored or hounded by their shrew fathers.
Reposted
"Why don't Scuba Divers get good Grades at School?"
"Because they are always below C Level."
"Because they are always below C Level."
September 23, 2025 at 6:18 AM
"Why don't Scuba Divers get good Grades at School?"
"Because they are always below C Level."
"Because they are always below C Level."
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"What do you call an Alligator in a Vest?"
"An Investigator."
"An Investigator."
September 23, 2025 at 7:58 AM
"What do you call an Alligator in a Vest?"
"An Investigator."
"An Investigator."
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Tried to get my real ID. I had my license, my SS card and my birth certificate.
I was not allowed to get my real ID because my birth name is different than my married name. Now I have to go dig up a marriage certificate. You know who wouldn’t have to do this? A man.
Never change your last name.
I was not allowed to get my real ID because my birth name is different than my married name. Now I have to go dig up a marriage certificate. You know who wouldn’t have to do this? A man.
Never change your last name.
September 22, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Tried to get my real ID. I had my license, my SS card and my birth certificate.
I was not allowed to get my real ID because my birth name is different than my married name. Now I have to go dig up a marriage certificate. You know who wouldn’t have to do this? A man.
Never change your last name.
I was not allowed to get my real ID because my birth name is different than my married name. Now I have to go dig up a marriage certificate. You know who wouldn’t have to do this? A man.
Never change your last name.
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"Why did the Lifeguards kick the elephants off the Beach?"
"They kept dropping their trunks."
"They kept dropping their trunks."
September 22, 2025 at 6:32 AM
"Why did the Lifeguards kick the elephants off the Beach?"
"They kept dropping their trunks."
"They kept dropping their trunks."
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Red states always find the budget when it’s to silence voices…
September 21, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Red states always find the budget when it’s to silence voices…
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Reposted
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I accused my wife of putting glue all over my rifles.
She denies it; but, I'm sticking to my guns.
She denies it; but, I'm sticking to my guns.
a man wearing glasses is holding a shotgun in front of a blue wall
ALT: a man wearing glasses is holding a shotgun in front of a blue wall
media.tenor.com
September 20, 2025 at 2:21 PM
I accused my wife of putting glue all over my rifles.
She denies it; but, I'm sticking to my guns.
She denies it; but, I'm sticking to my guns.
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Or, it can follow Pete Buttigieg’s suggestion and increase SCOTUS to 15; five chosen by Democrats, five by Republicans and those ten justices choose the last five.
September 18, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Or, it can follow Pete Buttigieg’s suggestion and increase SCOTUS to 15; five chosen by Democrats, five by Republicans and those ten justices choose the last five.
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There was a sign at the Drug Rehab Clinic that said: "Keep Off The Grass."
March 17, 2025 at 10:16 PM
There was a sign at the Drug Rehab Clinic that said: "Keep Off The Grass."
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The Queen of The Nile was said to always show a bit of leg . . . but Nevertiti.
March 26, 2025 at 12:51 AM
The Queen of The Nile was said to always show a bit of leg . . . but Nevertiti.
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How is a golf ball different from a Tesla?
I can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
I can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
March 26, 2025 at 4:53 AM
How is a golf ball different from a Tesla?
I can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
I can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
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I rang gamblers anonymous and the guy answered saying ten to one you can't guess who this is.
April 3, 2025 at 7:50 AM
I rang gamblers anonymous and the guy answered saying ten to one you can't guess who this is.
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Never go bedroom shopping while drunk.
It can lead to one nightstand.
It can lead to one nightstand.
April 14, 2025 at 5:04 AM
Never go bedroom shopping while drunk.
It can lead to one nightstand.
It can lead to one nightstand.
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"Why is it so cheap to throw a Party at a Haunted House?"
"Because the ghosts bring all the 'Boos'."
"Because the ghosts bring all the 'Boos'."
April 24, 2025 at 1:41 AM
"Why is it so cheap to throw a Party at a Haunted House?"
"Because the ghosts bring all the 'Boos'."
"Because the ghosts bring all the 'Boos'."
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"Of all the inventions of the past one hundred years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable."
April 24, 2025 at 8:14 AM
"Of all the inventions of the past one hundred years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable."
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"What do you call a Royal Marine who can read and write?"
"Sir."
"Sir."
April 25, 2025 at 6:06 AM
"What do you call a Royal Marine who can read and write?"
"Sir."
"Sir."
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"My friend asked why I would not tell him my Military Rank."
"I told him it was Private."
"I told him it was Private."
April 25, 2025 at 7:05 AM
"My friend asked why I would not tell him my Military Rank."
"I told him it was Private."
"I told him it was Private."
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"What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp?"
"A Police Officer."
"A Police Officer."
April 25, 2025 at 7:36 AM
"What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp?"
"A Police Officer."
"A Police Officer."
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"A fine is a tax for doing wrong . . . a tax is a fine for doing well."
April 27, 2025 at 3:22 AM
"A fine is a tax for doing wrong . . . a tax is a fine for doing well."
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"I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen too many of them get elected."
April 27, 2025 at 3:25 AM
"I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen too many of them get elected."