Me out loud when I’ve had one too many drinks with my friends:

Now THIS is how you do a military parade. Just sayin’

I used to work in law enforcement. This is the correct take

If you asked me what my hobbies are you’d think I’m a STAR (I’m an active competitive shooter)

If you went by what I read I’d be a Storch (history/mythology w/ a focus on the period of 2nd Temple Judaism)

If you went by my height…. BAHAHAHA. I’m Kolibri sized (152 cm)

My name is Jäger and I wear a panzer jacket, I should just go by Panzerjäger at this point

Them: “Don’t get too political”
Me: “Okay”
Also me after 1 drink (I’m a lightweight af):

As someone who has actually worked a STAR job, I can guarantee you these ladies are likely given HELLA leeway in terms of persona deg. You do not do this job without it fucking you up in some kind of way (often times the worst ways)

Fun fact: of the 3 Protektors listed on the range scoreboard in S-23, only Jäger would qualify for a civilian concealed carry permit in my state (US). There is a live fire portion of the qualification exam and you have to score 75% of your shots to earn your CCW

I LIVE MOTHERFUCKERS

the "esc" key on a keyboard is a holdover from early-'90s personal computers. on some models it would dispense a can of escargot out of one of the unused drive bays. they put it in the corner so you wouldn't press it by accident because you only got three of them. i pushed it once and got grounded

I forgot I was on this website. I love free speech. I’m going to be so unhinged on here, so if you get weirded out, the unfollow/block button is right there. Cheese