Either is fine.

At the moment my substar/ ptreon in my bio. But I can understand if people don't have the money in these times. And I'm not really do much to deserve it.

Thank you so much, really.

I don't know, I'm just really embarrassed and hungry and everything is just wrong.

And I cant talk about why, because of the trouble it would put me in. But then the not talking and the cryptic crap doesn't help, and all the while I still remain in this state, losing support, slowly sort of fading away regardless.

There's something coming up soon that I have to face and I just want to remind myself that being me, being a real artist, getting to be a part of something as unique as this, being Jager, was worth it, no matter what happens, or how people may try to twist things.

I am very grateful that I was given the chance to be Jager and to be a part of something where people are allowed to be themselves.
I feel like part of a family.

I've done a lot of art over the decade and a half, I wish I'd done more. That I made more friends and wasn't as keeping to myself as I was.
But still, I feel like I've contributed to something and that I can say that I am an artist that was able to BE an artist, share a piece of themselves.

I did an awful lot to try and make it work, I remember like it was yesterday asking CatMonkShiro how I make this whole commissions thing work.
And over time I built not only a living for myself but also lots of friends. Friends that really see me and allow me to see them for what they want to be.

To everyone else, those still supporting me. You have literally kept me alive to buy food too and it means a lot, like really.
I've been around a fairly long time and I never fully appreciated the community we have, one that when I'm back active in will get my full love and respect like never before

It's a profoundly difficult situation, one I'm legally silenced by, like I'm constantly having to stop myself from speaking out about. But it's still happening.
I pray once if it's over I can be in an environment that's positive of who I am again.

And I'm sorry, I know how all this on your feed is all you ever see from me now. Maybe I should stop and try to not post about it. I just don't know how to explain that what's happening to me isn't okay. It's not right. But I'm just screaming into nothingness.

And as someone who's always identified in some way therian it's a suffering I can't explain that I really hope is reversible.

The trouble is I've only got people around me physically and systematically that want this part of me gone.
I've only really had the one close friend from this part of me that's been keeping me from killing myself already. And even then, they've only physically been words on a screen.

I just can't believe this is what this is now. I just can't think back to like a year ago and now.
I just don't accept this reality, I just don't know why it's got to be like this.
I can't.

Right now I can't, because of my situation. But I pray that there is the other side of this that allows me to live again and not one where it gets worse.

I'm told to stop even coming here, to forget everything that I am like I have a problem. Even this they could use against me.
Why, why keep living like this. Why suffer being erased like this.