It's either I get hurt or end up hurting others and I just. Don't want to make the wrong decision again. I don't want to fuck it up again, I want to mean it with feeling to create a long standing romantic bond

I just don't wanna keep stepping on the rake, y'know? Like I don't regret stepping on the rake sometimes but I've gotten hurt enough where I'm averse of it.

Idk I'm just, weary, I guess. I want something with permanence but idk if this is a right fit situation or if it's even some sort of possibility. And it doesn't help that I'm autistic so any positive interaction reads erroneously in my brain

I am taking her kindness and nice personality for granted though, I think I'm reading too hard into her friendship

Unfortunately she doesn't have a PC that can handle it but the prospect of having someone to play toys with together made me bounce out of it a little

I mean I'm sure I'm approaching a literal ton and a half of sporting goods goods that need to be worked/re-arranged with only bare hands and a freight cart. It's really hard on my body and my mental.

There's also the clean-up for black week/Tuesday ad, and I won't be here the weekend to catch up with missing ad goods, so guess who's also going to have to deal with that when Monday rolls around

I still have to:
- fix ammo shelving/place ammo according to caliber size
- clean up/organize back stock to make room for overstock that won't fit on the floor
- re-tag missing 4x2 sale signs
- prep for at least two more boards/pallets tomorrow of missing pet goods

I've tried to communicate my bad shoulder to deaf ears and even worse is that whoever can help tends to be avoidant of the heavy product/inefficient. So guess who gets stuck with all the bad shit lol

To be carted upstairs by hand, by myself, because it's almost four and that's when any form of extra help I could have clocks out and it leaves the skeleton closing crew left. So I'm sorry if I'm in a bad mood/passive aggressive/uncommunicative. I really am working on a bad shoulder with no help.

I still have about two pallets, six foot tall of other camping and smoker goods that need to be sorted through, not to mention the approximate 1000+ pounds of ammo that still need to be sorted/worked on. Oh, and the total 960 pounds of just pure metal propane tanks (a pallet of 24 total) that need+

This isn't an exaggeration btw, from what I heard from management the reason we received so much stock is because pet is going to be a black Friday hot buy.

I'm like actively fighting back tears on the clock because I feel like everyone around me and the world abandoned me to my fate. I'm so fucking overwhelmed right now! I'm so fucking sick of being alive!