Incredible 👏

After Jimmy Carter left the White House, he built homes for the homeless.

After Trump left the White House, he tried to sell fake gold watches to dumb people.

Here's to hoping the new year is more productive and joyous than the last one.

I think when the temperature differential between my warm bed and the cold outside is more than 45 degrees, we should cancel school.

How do you wake him up when he looks so comfy?

Heard at a middle school basketball game:
"What flavor crayon tastes the best?"
Without hesitation, "Blue."
😆

When I finish eating something, I have to show
my hands to the dog like I'm a blackjack dealer.

Is there anything better than lying in bed on a Saturday morning and listening to your dog yip excitedly in his sleep?