I know this is pissing into the wind in this post-fact, post-empathy timeline.

This is so true (and I say this as a childless person who, in her younger and immature days, used to say she "hated children"). If someone needs to make themselves feel better by putting down other people, they're probably woefully insecure. I was. And am. Just less of an asshole now. ;)

NYEEEEEH NYEH NYEH NYEH NAH NAH

I'd say "please don't, David," and I'd probably add "the world needs you." But it's becoming increasingly clear that we don't *deserve* people like you. :(

I've got just the thong for that

This makes my heart hurt. I am so ashamed to be American.

If fantasy video games are any indication, the teeniest bra that somehow gives me +20 defense.

Anyone who uses Kentucky Fried Movie GIF is very obviously a spectacular human. 🙂

Oh yeah. That sounds delightful and not at all terrifying. 😫

Seriously, though, I hope you heal well (and soon)!

OH MY GOD I am so sorry. JFC.