if i ever say something genuinely awful, i *want* my friends to tell me to shut the fuck up

no shower but a couple ketty baths. no food. i lost like 10lbs of fat. day 7 dealers were MIA so the neighbours came round, we did cr@ck w them. they stole most of the mugs lmao. we reloaded by night. we were college dropouts so no responsibilities. it was a scatty, fiendish time.

we would get a big order in the morning & a big order at like 7pm. when we ran out of money, i went into debt & my bestie gave sexual favours. sometimes dealers would hangout w us for hours. when we had no stimulants, we’d do K then 4 get in bed and “rest” until we got the call. so mayb sleep?

we were on md (pill & powder) coke and ket.
“explain how it worked in detail. did you shower? sleep? who stayed?” fri - sun days most of the friend group stayed. then the unemployed & dropouts only. eventually it was just me, my bf, my bestie, her bf. ppl would drop in.

i was 3.5 years sober. i thought it couldn’t hurt bc it would just be recreational every now & then, not what its turned into.. i don’t regret getting w my bf though i love him or him not telling me straight away bc i would have probs missed out on an amazing relationship

all this bc i thought i could handle it. when i first started seeing my bf, he was selling ❄️ on the side but he didn’t tell me until i had feelings, then i thought i wont get addicted bc i never had in the past damnit

this is kinda a good thing bc i was getting out of control but i couldn’t tell anyone bc my dad would kick me out & cut me off & my bf would break up w me. so this is the closest to being held accountable without my life falling apart… i need to stop. i know i do.

this is kinda a good thing bc i was getting out of control but i couldn’t tell anyone bc my dad would kick me out & cut me off & my bf would break up w me. so this is the closest to being held accountable without my life falling apart… i need to stop. i know i do.

he also told me he really didn’t want me to ruin things with my current partner. like i swear they love him so much he’s the potential favourite child 🤣 and to think my dad had reservations at the start due to the age gap. he really doesn’t want us to break up. lucky for him, neither do i so 🤷🏻‍♀️

he said he wasn’t sure if he was being paranoid or not but it was like de ja vu how i used to go to shop to score in our country now i go see my friend for 10. apparently dad wanted a full investigation. mum said just ask her. i reassured him anyway, he said he does trust me but it was so familiar

either he’ll read them tonight or get a surprise in the morning lmao