Lawrie ✨
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indextwo.net
Lawrie ✨
@indextwo.net
150 followers 110 following 240 posts
Opinions expressed are not my own and are exclusively the views of my employer. he/him.
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indextwo.net
Jumping on that action-figure trend, but zero AI. This is actually a vector that I drew (in Flash!) because I am hardcore. Particularly proud of my hair (modelled from accompanying picture); and unfortunately, this is actually a trace of the shape of my nose 🤥 #starterpack
Me as an action figure in a clear plastic pack with a card backing. It shows me as a mini figure with salt & pepper hair, wearing a cream coloured sweater, blue jeans and white sneakers. My action figure comes with a red mug (for tea); my phone, and a bottle of pills. The original price was $29.99, but it had been marked down to 20 cents. It comes with a "real-feel mouth", plus: 5 snark caplets, 'says "fuck" all day long', and 'headaches. Anxiety, shoulder pain A selfie of me in a cream-coloured sweater with the sleeves rolled up. I am a white man with salt and pepper hair, a slightly arched eyebrow, and a slight smirk.
April 13, 2025 at 10:39 PM
indextwo.net
As my friend put it: feeling my oats today.
A selfie of me, a white man with salt & pepper hair, wearing a loose-fit white sweater and a black band around my wrist. I have one arm across my body, cupping the side of my neck, and I am - as another friend put it - ‘smizing’ at the camera 😏
March 31, 2025 at 9:54 PM
indextwo.net
It finally happened! My FB header image is relevant again! 🙏🏻
Screenshot of my Facebook profile, showing my header image: a dirty sign half-submerged in a swamp that reads ‘BUT HER EMAILS’
March 25, 2025 at 5:46 PM
indextwo.net
Wow this conversation blew up! Almost like…
Security camera footage of a Tesla parked in a garage and spontaneously exploding
March 10, 2025 at 1:00 PM
indextwo.net
94th in the world for speed. SPEEEEED! What no YOU should be working because of deadlines
Screenshot of the Squardle global leaderboard for today’s puzzle, showing me in 94th place in the world. IN THE WORLD.
February 25, 2025 at 11:10 AM
indextwo.net
Quote with a picture and your age.

Neolithic.
Me, a white cis male with salt and pepper hair, wearing a light grey sweater and one arm across my chest and cupping the side of my neck.
February 5, 2025 at 9:32 PM
indextwo.net
One of the big questions I have about Edward Coristine, one of the little harem of the Elon Youth, is this:

who tf gave him that haircut
Edward Coristine, 19 - possibly the dictionary definition of ‘Incel’, wearing a pathetically smug look - as though he’s just fucked the apple pie you’re eating. He also has on a dark grey blazer and a half-tucked-in light puce shirt. On top of his head, there is a pile of curly hair that looks like a wig someone stuffed with cat food and stuck on the head of a chemo patient.
February 5, 2025 at 12:17 PM
indextwo.net
It never fails to surprise me that right-wing grundle-chompers like Tucker Carlson have kids. Like he managed to persuade an actual woman to let him do sex on her. Baffling.

(Also no offence kid but you look like you need to get your face slapped at least 4 more times)
JUST IN: Som of Tucker Carlson, Buckley Carlson, is set to join VP Just-Dance Vance’s office as deputy press secretary. There are two portraits side by side: one of a young ash-blond white boy who looks like he bullies other kids even though he still sets the bed at 19; and JD Vance, the least noticeable vice president in U.S. history
January 30, 2025 at 11:20 PM
indextwo.net
Someone erased my tiny little Trogdor… so I erased the entire blackboard and drew a bigger one 🐉 (artist for scale)
Trogdor the Burninator: a eingslong dragon with a beefy arm, drawn in pink, green and yellow chalk on a black chalkboard. A selfie of me, a man with salt and pepper hair and wearing a black cable-knit sweater, standing in front of my chalk drawing of Trogdor. The chalkboard is about four times the size of my head.
January 11, 2025 at 2:42 PM
indextwo.net
Someone drew an S on the chalkboard, so I had to
Trogdor the Burninator, illustrated in pink chalk on a blackboard: Trogdor the Burninator is an S-shaped wingaling dragon with a beefy arm.
January 11, 2025 at 1:12 PM
indextwo.net
Frosty morning views ❄️
January 10, 2025 at 10:19 AM
indextwo.net
The first proper house clean after Christmas. Already found two sneaky little piles of cat sick hidden away. Thanks for that, guys.
A picture of me, a man with salt & pepper hair in a loose-fitting grey sweatshirt, holding Waffle: a snowshoe-ragdoll cross with white & oatmeal fur with a dark splodge over his nose, as he stares vaguely in the direction of the camera.
January 4, 2025 at 11:50 AM
indextwo.net
IG helping me celebrate in style 🥳
A screenshot of a message in Instagram DMs of me saying “I hope 2025 is the year civilisation ends 🥳”, which IG helpfully coloured in a pretty purple gradient and decorated with sparkles
January 2, 2025 at 4:46 PM
indextwo.net
Happy Holidays! 🥰 Remember not to get fooled by the LIE OF PARSNIPS where they sit there pretending to be chips but they actually taste like school!
A white plate of full of roasted parsnips that look very much like chips (or fried, if you’re American), dusted with Parmesancheese and sprigs of parsley
December 23, 2024 at 9:05 PM
indextwo.net
I’m in the global leaderboard, y’all! For possibly the first time in my life? 🥇
A screenshot of the Squardle global leaderboard, showing me in 57th place out of the top 500
December 19, 2024 at 11:27 PM
indextwo.net
Song lyrics I was convinced of, despite the titles of the songs:

“I’ll be eating Milkos, waveform, you sexy thing” - ‘You Sexy Thing’, Hot Chocolate

“After the poison of summer has gone” - ‘Boys of Summer’, Don Henley
Several purple packets of Milka chocolate stacked on top of one another. Yes, I know I thought the lyric was ‘I’ll be beating Milkos’ but that’s what I thought this chocolate was called. Not Milka. Blame it on the logo being in a stupid cursive font. An illustrated bottle of green poison with a cork stopper sat at a rakish angle on an illustrated beach, with palm trees on either side and a cruise ship in the far distance, flaring on a tropical sea
December 17, 2024 at 12:12 AM
indextwo.net
lol. ain’t never gonna happen.
Screenshot of my Apple Store updates, showing the ‘X’ app requiring an update.
December 12, 2024 at 6:13 PM
indextwo.net
Lies we were told as children: Yogi Bear. Turns out he’s shit at yoga.
side profile Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Yogi Bear: a brown bear with a lighter brown maw and black nose. He’s wearing a shirtless collar with a green tie, and a green pork-pie hat with a black band.
December 11, 2024 at 3:14 PM
indextwo.net
Here’s my unapologetic holiday movie must-watches at Christmas:

1. Gremlins
2. Scrooged
3. Jingle All the Way

What are yours? NO APOLOGIES.
Gremlins movie poster. Upper half of a man holding a box, with the lid being pried open from inside by the fluffy white paws of Gizmo the Mogwai. You can just make out his big eyes in the shadows. Scroogef movie poster. Bill Murray wearing a black-tie tuxedo standing in front of a full moon and holding a cigar. A skeletal hand is reaching out with a match to light it. Bill Murray is screaming. Jingle All the Way movie poster. Arnold Schwarzenegger is wearing a camel-coloured jacket and diving over a crowd of frenzied shoppers reaching for a Turbo-Man toy. Sinbad, dressed as a postal worker with a fluffy black cap is below him, also looking harried as he rushes for the doll.
December 9, 2024 at 7:45 PM
indextwo.net
We will rebuild ✊🏻
My garden after a particularly windy night, with garden furniture strewn across the lawn. In the lower part of the image is the patio, slick with rain.
December 8, 2024 at 10:24 AM
indextwo.net
Sometimes I see people posting their desk setups and I have to wonder if y’all are typing like this:
A black and white drawing of a stick figure sat at a desk, with the computer and keyboard all the way on the far side. The stick figure man has incredibly long arms to try to reach the keyboard, and is wearing a look of determined concentration. I drew this in Adobe Flash. That’s right, Flash. Adobe should pay ME an extortionate subscription for this kind of loyalty.
December 7, 2024 at 1:57 PM
indextwo.net
Post someone you’ve been told you look like who you definitely don’t look like.
Actor Adam Woodward as Ian Beale on UK TV series EastEnders; wearing a blue and grey horizontal-striped collared t-shirt and ugly-crying, his face puffy and red, with many chins for us to admire.
December 6, 2024 at 5:22 PM
indextwo.net
It’s been a while since I renewed my membership in this club, but:
A black and white picture of me, wearing a three-piece suit with a white shirt and dark tie. There is a white rose on my lapel, and I am wearing a pair of RayBans, looking off to the right.
December 5, 2024 at 12:19 AM
indextwo.net
IT IS (almost) COMPLETE.

Trees collected: 2/3 ⭐️ ⭐️ ☆
My Balsam Hill Christmas tree, fully assembled and fluffed, showing approximately 1000 prelit lights. It stands approximately7 feet tall in front of a large sash window.
November 29, 2024 at 7:57 PM
indextwo.net
IT BEGINS AGAIN 🎄
(Trees: 2/3. 14% complete)
The base of a balsam hill Christmas tree, standing on a grey carpet with a light grey sofa in the background
November 29, 2024 at 5:17 PM