I'm still confused. Confused as hell. And nobody intends to explain.

Maybe internship was supposed to scare me? Too ND to notice. Until it hit me like a wall.

I still can't get up. And I don't know who's to blame, or how to get my wits about me.

This might be the thing people call "feeling sorry for yourself."

They just say go to work, find an interest, get a job. They don't tell you they're gonna grind you like pepper to make you fit.

My shit was absolutely not together enough for me to pursue it as an endeavor. There were so many basic "how to handle XYZ" skills I did not have a handle on, still don't. At least now I'm under no illusions of my deficits. When you're bad at something that affects other people, quit while ahead.

There's a protocol to run.

That funeral.

It's gonna be a show. I'm hoping it's at least an acceptable one. Form and function and all that.

The oldest man I knew is dead. And I took every minute of him for granted.

Dude died on Sabbath just like mine did.

Such a shame.

Sometimes it's easier when they give you a script to follow. You can show up, be the Good Daughter, Stand There and Smile. Say Thank You. Etc.

Et cetera.

A shame.

I'm expected to go to the funeral. I hope the funeral is streamed. So I have an excuse to stay home. I can't deliver a eulogy.

She knows who was close enough. Who deserves. What kind of service she's going to have.

Or maybe, hopefully, he selected all that.

I fucking hate being poor.

Anyway. With him went a man who actually knew my father. F dies again.

I was more concerned with the shit in the house. And finding food.

Fucked up. Dude died and I hadn't been calling. I, like, didn't check.

Maybe his daughter knew and that's why she told me about the birthdays.

Because I was supposed to call.

I forgot.

for those of you who are serious about understanding the eugenic lineage of the whole AGI movement, on the other hand, you can peruse some of the resources at www.dair-institute.org/projects/tes...

to wit: