Dear DMV, please send me five hours of my life back. Sincerely, me.

We’re not going to make it, as a species, are we.

I paid $100 for dinner tonight. That’s 5 burgers, 4 fries, 5 soft drinks and 4 ice cream sundaes. I don’t think I can convince myself to do that ever again. Explain to me again how Millennials are killing businesses?

Hey, could I borrow your DeathNote real quick? Asking for a friend.

One of these days, I’m actually going to look up what exercises this big exercise ball is for…

I’ve been going non-stop for several months, and my days off have been spent making sure my family has as much fun as possible-think Disney-type excursions on every rest day. My wife said I could just take a break, no stress. Relax for a whole day. What does that even look like? I’ve forgotten.

It pains me to think of all the people who were stuck in a time loop yesterday. I’m glad you made it out.

I finished “Howl’s Moving Castle” (in Spanish, for practice) and I’m having trouble with the Miyazaki adaptation now - the story is completely different, but the book would be an amazing movie on its own. Why do filmmakers do this?

Even though it doesn’t exactly apply to me, when I get cringy, intrusive thoughts about my past it helps to yell, “I’m not Josie Grossey anymore!”

Do me a kindness! Share this if you love and support your local library & librarians (and remember: that includes your school library & school librarian) 😊📚

Thank you libraries & library workers… for everything ✨💚

I reread (audiobook version this time) “Yumi and the Nightmare Painter” by Brandon Sanderson. Highly recommend- you need a knowledge of the “Cosmere” to get every reference, but this book made me cry! And snot, everyone always talks about crying but not the drips that come with it. 5 nose drips!

Me buying a car: “I found a lower deal, can you match it?”
Salesperson: “I’ll have to eat leaves and bark for a month but by golly I will!”
I know you’re still making money, stop with your drama.

I’ve always wanted to be in a book club, never found one that met on a schedule that worked for me. I got “Howl’s Moving Castle” for my daughter for Christmas and we each read a chapter a day and talk about it at night. (No spoilers, it’s my first time reading it!)

It’s not that I hate Christmas music. It’s that every business is obligated to play only Christmas music from Halloween to New Years and it gets really old.

I sang the chorus of “Red Wine Supernova” in the kitchen and my teenager looked shocked.
Kid: “Do you know what that song is about?”
Me: “Actually way better than you do.”

Anyone else grow up trying to be small and not an inconvenience to others and find it’s now impossible to put yourself first?

I studied an hour on the treadmill every morning for six months while listening to instrumental music with no words. So my ‘Wrapped’ is a bunch of Lofi artists I’ve never heard of.

The daydream of encountering an obvious bullying situation so you can stand up for someone who needs help…