This is what makes the youth laugh these days. Is this how we were?

(Totally forgets about Frog Blender and Hamsterdance)

This will be going in my front yard next year. Sorry neighbors, try to keep up

Fuck Crest in particular, I guess

Ahem, entire family🧐

I didn't make the rules

That's beautiful especially the whole photo

Pokemon Go is a better predictor of the weather than local news

🤢 When you're on a pre-op diet and have to eat non starchy vegetables

Texas ranks 47th in education🙃

What I wake up thinking about

A great thing about the X-Files was how every few episodes, in the midst of all the werewolf investigations etc, the show would remind you that Fox Mulder is cripplingly addicted to porn

📢 PSA FOR NEWSKIES 📢
i strongly recommend at least uploading a pfp, setting a display name, putting something in your bio, and posting at least one thing (even just “hi”) before you start going on a following spree—blank profiles can be sus and lots of people block on sight.

Just me, slapping my card against a machine 💁🏻‍♀️

This has been confirmed, so if you use a hidden phone for safety, make sure it's turned off. My understanding is the phone will sound even if silenced or if emergency alerts are turned off

Are people judging me on the speed of my windshield wipers? Are they too fast? Should I put them on delay? Am I being too dramatic about the weather by having my wipers on normally?

I was never on Twitter so this is a broad new horizon expanding in front of me. And you. Right now.