I feel like everyone around me is annoyed in my presence and they just want to get rid of me somehow
and yet I thought I wouldn't be depressed anymore but it keeps following me like a snake and I cant get rid of it
I feel like I was meant to
I gtg
il vent lagter tho...

child to my life and the world around me. I feel like I'm there for other people but no ones there for me
I wanna be hugged and be said that everything will be all right instead of carrying my and others problems [theres nothing wrong with other peoples problems, I just cant stand my own]

brush it away and try to tell me to "deal with it" when Im dealing with a forty pound weight on my back] instead of nagging, she was busy in her own situation and decided not to care [she never cares, I'm still a burden/disappointment to her and Edgar's family] I feel like a helpless/scared/weak

assumed I cut myself [I would only do that in a very severe situation where I wished death really bad and my tears were to the point where it looks fake] and offered to watch over me [Im very uncomfortable in that state] but I pushed her away too [I dont like telling her because I'm afraid she'll

always there so I hid in the restroom [I was trying not to show that I was crying because I didn't wanna be pityed constantly when my sister is obviously going through a worse trauma (at least I think???)] Olive tried asking what I was doing and I told her to go away but she brought in mom and mom

least I didn't go to the mental hospital" way and it broke my heart
she even said stuff that consist of: overdramatic, a big whiny rodent, and something like embarrassing [I thought she was crying so I pointed it out and ekmbaarased myself] but I couldnt be in my comfort space because my sister is

10/5/25

I couldnt see my uncle because my mom was disappointed and mad at the time because me and Olive are always on electronics but my sister said that mom was doing it for "her own benefit" and I had a conversation with her but then she brought up me and being at the mental hospital
in a "at

me
you play favoritism all the time
you favorite your youngest and get mad at your oldest all the time
I don't like my life
I hate it
I hate it and myself
I'm just a freak to her

support
now I suffer to myself
I barely see my counselor which basically means Im pretty much to suffer by myself
you break my heart repeatedly
I barely talk to anyone
you say I'm embarrassing
to you I'm just your little toy to break when your not feeling good
you want to take everything away from

she doesn't want to admit I'm a dissapointment
"a dissapointment is someone you lose faith for"
rewind to when you said something like that
"i've stopped trying for her, I've given up"
that's basically losing faith for me
you don't care because I have no reasoning for you
you were my last mental

SHITTY ATTITUDE
I CUDDLE HER BUT YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION
I LOVE HER BUT ALL YOU SEE IS MY STUPID BRAIN "MELTING"

everytime I try
I end up as a brat
what is wrong with me?
why am I like this?
why do I do these things
I just want to die
I just think everyone is better off without me...

I don't need to do it in detail
I can do it lazy
but that's not enough for her
and my sister
she acts like she's the bigger sister when we argue
I always fear her yelling
but I don't act like it
I try to be the bigger sister
but I'm just a weak soul who can't do anything
I cant be strong

Im always a smartass w/ her
but I don't like it
I just don't know why I keep doing it
I'm just a selfish useless spoiled horrible weak brat in her eyes
"I feel bad just seeing you like this"
then why do you add the insults?
everyday you want me to do my summer reading
but I already did it

but it feels so real
and so far, my progress is nowhere near staying in this school
I don't wanna lose everything again
not again
I wanna stay here
I don't wanna leave
but she doesn't care
she never cares
she only cares about [Olive] and Adam
she always gets mad at me
because I always act back

But I cant lose my family members
but that doesn't make it any better that I act like a brat to my family
and doing that...
"Just like I told [Olive], you have the end of September to change that attitude before you move"
Im scared
I don't know if she's bluffing
she normally does...