Regardless I'm going to keep improving 😌 getting my life together, getting myself on track for a future I can be proud of.

Destroy friendships, relationships, families, etc. a vicious cycle of rejection, reaction and isolation. I'm doing what I can to break that cycle, and maybe one day I can reconnect to people. Or even just make friends and improve upon myself so I don't make similar mistakes.

Rejection is a major trigger for BPD, so it's something I really need to overcome. Abandonment too, I'm just nervous of the reactions I have so I have my psychologist and a therapist helping me. Still I'm glad I'm getting a handle on this, living with BPD is not easy Like any mental illness it can -

I hurt. I have created space, for myself. Away from the people in my life, people I was extremely close with I no longer speak to. I do feel terrible I didn't give them explanations, and I'm working in therapy to have the courage to reach out and apologize even if it leads to rejection. -

I didn't even realize it was starting to become a serious problem. Getting high at inopportune times, using it to help me sleep and it became my go to to escape everything. To run away from what I was feeling so I wouldn't feel anything, and I'm sure that didn't help with the people around me that -

To those around me. And therapy is helping me to journal and keep track of what I'm feeling, when, where, why, how I reacted and how I can react differently. Trying to break old coping mechanisms that are harmful and find ones that are helpful. Weed was a heavy coping mechanisms for so much -

To react differently. I'm not going to lie, it is challenging when you're in the moment. Your emotions are high, you can't regulate what you're feeling and it's like drowning. You're scrambling for even a little oxygen, even if it brings someone into the water with you. It's scary, for myself and -

Cooking for myself, taking care of myself and I'm just getting my life together. It honestly feels great!

I'm also in therapy for my mental stuff and I'm just so happy I'm getting myself together. It's been such a damn struggle doing it all, especially doing it solo. But I'm doing it, I will improve regardless who comes or goes. I will get better, I will get healthy and I will keep going! 💪🏻

I'm happy to be getting healthy, no more caffeine, no more soda, no unnecessary sugar. More healthy choices, less calories, no alcohol anymore. And the exercise I do just walking to and from work plus what I do on my days off, I can physically feel the difference. I'm getting healthy physically