“i’m learning blender” that’s great! i’ve been practicing microwave for a while and i think i’ve gotten pretty good at it. might tackle toaster next

me: *over the intercom* attention walgreens shoppers. Are you mad at me

i feel this way at least once everyday

There was a soup potluck at work today. Over 20 pots of soup. I got a bowl of the meatball soup, but on the way out, I saw that there was pozole. I am now filled with inferior soup and regret.

Soup angst.

Having vegetarian friends is so crazy like girl eat this hamhock don’t piss me off miss vegetable

BREAKING: The ICC have issued an arrest warrant for Israel’s Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, for alleged war crimes relating to Gaza.

Is your teen texting about Thanksgiving?

BRB: Beaujolais Returns Briefly
BTW: Brine Turkey Wednesday
LMAO: Let's Mince Another Onion
SMH: Salads Most Harmful
TFW: Turkey For Weeks
IDC: I Dig Cranberries
STFU: Stuffing Tastes F***ing Unbelievable
ROFL: Refrigerator Overflowing From Leftovers

feeling like Him recently .

cashier: would you like to donate to this fuckass foundation

me: no

cashier: ok

me: are you mad at me

There’s an entire genre of movie that is just “This MAN 😂😂 is taking care of CHILDREN! 🤣🤣”

What if I quit my job to focus on soup. Just making soup and eating it

gay obama:

what the fuck was dr seuss on. Green eggs and Ham ?? what the Fuck are you talking about bitch im pissed off

i feel like in order for bluesky to truly feel like twitter reincarnated it needs to be baptised. someone post the 97 Year Old Diner That Serves Coke The Old Fashioned Way

gonna start writing shit here what if i become bsky famous teehee

anyone else Feel like this

demi lovato avisando que mijou