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humphreyarcher.bsky.social
@humphreyarcher.bsky.social
1.5K followers 3.7K following 480 posts
I write noire short stories. A bit Hitchcock, a tad Dahl, a little Gorey. "Final Destination" meets "The Monkey's Paw "

GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/23380742.Humphrey_Archer
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humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Happy Libation Day

I'm sure this is going to be a fucking cracker!
Young white guy in white t-shirt holding a wine glass almost as big as himself filled with about five gallons of red
April 4, 2025 at 3:09 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
"Hey, what about us? Why'd fukin pengins get all the attention? "
Blue-footed Booby staring with head to one side
April 4, 2025 at 12:13 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
February 22, 2025 at 11:08 PM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Exactly how many of these are unopened right now?
February 21, 2025 at 2:21 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Would you wear this?
To where?
February 17, 2025 at 8:17 PM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Or maybe meet a very murderous psychopath
Villanelle character from "Killing Eve" Blonde and stylish young woman arms folded looking to the left with arms folded. Dark red and black patterned blouse, hair plaited back
January 29, 2025 at 5:20 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
From "The Ministry of the Future"
The Götterdämmerung Syndrome, as with most violent pathologies, is more often seen in men than women. It is often interpreted as an example of narcissistic rage. Those who feel it are usually privileged and entitled, and they become extremely angry when their privileges and sense of entitlement are being taken away. If then their choice gets reduced to admitting they are in error or destroying the world, a reduction they often feel to be the case, the obvious choice for them is to destroy the world; for they cannot admit they have ever erred.
January 1, 2025 at 3:56 PM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
From "Nightbitch"
I always thought motherhood was sort of a weak state of being, but motherhood is a far more primal, active thing than that. It is probably the most violent experiencea human can have aside from death itself. A child's first act is violence against the woman who created it. Yet still, the mother loves the child with the most powerful love known in the universe. This thing rips its way out of us. Literally tears us in two in a wash of blood, and shit, and piss, or it is cut from us with a knife. Our organs taken out only to be put back in and sewn up. So, no, motherhood is not sunshine and baby powder, little pastel mints and lacy frocks. Motherhood is fucking brutal.
December 30, 2024 at 3:05 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Small white dog featured in Deadpool and Wolvering as Dogpool. Pug-like face, mop of straggle white hair, widest eyes and extraordinarily long tongue hanging out
December 28, 2024 at 6:24 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
My current #wip is about murder.

Guess what Eve does for a living, and who she kills
I like New Year the most of all celebrations. It's uncluttered with religious trappings like Easter and Christmas, or political implications like Independence Day, or made up commercial entanglements like Mother's Day. My name is Eve, I am a professional poisoner, and this is my story.
December 24, 2024 at 4:31 PM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
The stupid thing autorefreshed, so now I don't know who posted this image (@KnittaPhd maybe?)

So, congrats on fixing the drawer, but yikes, please don't put your knives in a jumble like that.

Besides being a health&safety thing, jostling each other will ruin the edge
December 22, 2024 at 6:37 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Elon has an idea
December 20, 2024 at 3:29 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Hildegard was done with it. She was sick and bone-tired of weeding out the images, details, and relationships of her son's exes. It felt as though as soon as she had grown accustomed to their names, developed an attachment, and established a relationship with them, he would break it off. He would grow tetchy and irritable if she got the names mixed up, or asked about a previous squeeze's habit, hobby, or occupation. He would peevishly accuse her of being insensitive, and go off in a terrific huff. After Debbie, or was it Anne, Hilda was drawing a solid line - Bruce needed to go.
December 1, 2024 at 7:10 PM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
November 26, 2024 at 1:36 AM
humphreyarcher.bsky.social
Three para story from today's writing group

"An unfortunate Event in the Kitchen"

Stories are based on a prompt, and writers have 20 minutes
Things could have been different. But he chose *that* mask, and so things went the way they did. Their lives could have stayed neat and tidy, but that too was not the way they went. The kitchen could have stayed clean, but again, not. Instead, there was spatter on every surface, and the white tiled floor was being eaten by a hot spread of red. Things would always be different now, and that was for sure. He liked to startle her. He would leap out of cupboards, hide in the back seat of her old dented Kia, or scratch on the shower door when her head was a halo of suds. Her yelps and shrieks made him laugh, and even as she yelled curses at him, it was a funny sort of bond. Halloween was his time to up the stakes, and he took care to frighten her often and greatly, and that was for sure. In the kitchen, she was holding a heavy cleaver when he jumped out, snorting. He expected a scream, but had not known of her childhood nightmares on the farm. He did not know her fears of being torn, shredded, consumed, and how she had run from that place. In her moments of elsing, she did not see him in a mask, she saw a demon, and she swung, and swung, and swung, until the pig demon had changed shape forever, and that was for damn sure.
November 21, 2024 at 12:29 AM