HP Zoner
@hpzoner.crashmania.net
"The Crash Mania guy", as I've been called. Almost never here unless I just played something I really liked or I'm speaking up against something nefarious.
My wife @teiranova.com drew the banner.
Profile pic is from Nicola Saviori's art.
My wife @teiranova.com drew the banner.
Profile pic is from Nicola Saviori's art.
Someone linked me to this: www.reddit.com/r/crashbandi...
And yeah, it's funny, but have you seen N-Tranced's game over screen? It's an edit from Warped's, and they didn't realize those spikes are Cortex's hair, so they just left them in (Cortex isn't even in that game).
Oopsie poopums.
And yeah, it's funny, but have you seen N-Tranced's game over screen? It's an edit from Warped's, and they didn't realize those spikes are Cortex's hair, so they just left them in (Cortex isn't even in that game).
Oopsie poopums.
November 16, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Someone linked me to this: www.reddit.com/r/crashbandi...
And yeah, it's funny, but have you seen N-Tranced's game over screen? It's an edit from Warped's, and they didn't realize those spikes are Cortex's hair, so they just left them in (Cortex isn't even in that game).
Oopsie poopums.
And yeah, it's funny, but have you seen N-Tranced's game over screen? It's an edit from Warped's, and they didn't realize those spikes are Cortex's hair, so they just left them in (Cortex isn't even in that game).
Oopsie poopums.
I can't believe they're adding jump to Metroid. We've come a long way.
November 14, 2025 at 10:09 PM
I can't believe they're adding jump to Metroid. We've come a long way.
What you don't know yet is that Myles McKenzie will eventually become Sylux, hellbent on taking his revenge against Samus and the Galactic Federation, after they left him stranded in the past.
November 14, 2025 at 9:00 PM
What you don't know yet is that Myles McKenzie will eventually become Sylux, hellbent on taking his revenge against Samus and the Galactic Federation, after they left him stranded in the past.
Bikes aside, not enough people are talking about this moment from the Metroid Prime 4 trailer where you're attacked by this pack of alien wolves in the middle of a blizzard, and they run circles around and IT LOOKS SO COOL.
September 14, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Bikes aside, not enough people are talking about this moment from the Metroid Prime 4 trailer where you're attacked by this pack of alien wolves in the middle of a blizzard, and they run circles around and IT LOOKS SO COOL.
The screenshot is my original reaction to the Nintendo Direct.
What I'm trying to say here is I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone. I still get excited. It's just that a few years ago, that would happen without caveats or the lingering reminder of their anti-consumer and anti-competitor practices.
What I'm trying to say here is I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone. I still get excited. It's just that a few years ago, that would happen without caveats or the lingering reminder of their anti-consumer and anti-competitor practices.
September 13, 2025 at 10:04 PM
The screenshot is my original reaction to the Nintendo Direct.
What I'm trying to say here is I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone. I still get excited. It's just that a few years ago, that would happen without caveats or the lingering reminder of their anti-consumer and anti-competitor practices.
What I'm trying to say here is I'm not trying to guilt-trip anyone. I still get excited. It's just that a few years ago, that would happen without caveats or the lingering reminder of their anti-consumer and anti-competitor practices.
So this picture from a few years ago is canon now.
August 19, 2025 at 7:58 PM
So this picture from a few years ago is canon now.
I don't buy into the "Pauline is just cursed to be a child" theory. She doesn't know who DK is when they first meet in Bananza. We don't have enough info to know exactly what's going on, but we do know this is their first time meeting.
Also kinda weird she'd have two curses?
Also kinda weird she'd have two curses?
June 19, 2025 at 11:41 AM
I don't buy into the "Pauline is just cursed to be a child" theory. She doesn't know who DK is when they first meet in Bananza. We don't have enough info to know exactly what's going on, but we do know this is their first time meeting.
Also kinda weird she'd have two curses?
Also kinda weird she'd have two curses?
She's a singer who runs a city, and her best childhood friend was a tie-wearing gorilla. It's a pretty good resumé.
June 18, 2025 at 8:38 PM
She's a singer who runs a city, and her best childhood friend was a tie-wearing gorilla. It's a pretty good resumé.
So... Donkey Kong Bananza.
I have no idea when I'll ever get a Switch 2, but these things I typed on Discord a few months ago should give you a clue about how excited I am for this game, having just watched the Nintendo Direct.
I have no idea when I'll ever get a Switch 2, but these things I typed on Discord a few months ago should give you a clue about how excited I am for this game, having just watched the Nintendo Direct.
June 18, 2025 at 8:17 PM
So... Donkey Kong Bananza.
I have no idea when I'll ever get a Switch 2, but these things I typed on Discord a few months ago should give you a clue about how excited I am for this game, having just watched the Nintendo Direct.
I have no idea when I'll ever get a Switch 2, but these things I typed on Discord a few months ago should give you a clue about how excited I am for this game, having just watched the Nintendo Direct.
Thanks to whoever decided this would be a good icon for AI and has made me wince whenever I find these.
May 16, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Thanks to whoever decided this would be a good icon for AI and has made me wince whenever I find these.
All I'm saying is if the Mario movie sequel doesn't have an acid trip scene ala Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy, can we truly call it a worthwhile investment?
May 14, 2025 at 12:56 PM
All I'm saying is if the Mario movie sequel doesn't have an acid trip scene ala Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy, can we truly call it a worthwhile investment?
I'm pretty happy with the little retro corner I put together last year, but tonight is the first time I'm actually giving it a fair try. It's nice to sit back and unwind sometimes.
May 10, 2025 at 8:29 PM
I'm pretty happy with the little retro corner I put together last year, but tonight is the first time I'm actually giving it a fair try. It's nice to sit back and unwind sometimes.
We've officially reached Aperture Science levels of dystopian idiocy.
April 27, 2025 at 6:01 PM
We've officially reached Aperture Science levels of dystopian idiocy.
First, we'll shoehorn AI into everything. Eventually, we might teach it basic math, maybe.
April 23, 2025 at 3:42 PM
First, we'll shoehorn AI into everything. Eventually, we might teach it basic math, maybe.
Bowser had his shell surgically removed and re-attached just to wear a suit on his wedding day. Now that's commitment.
April 20, 2025 at 8:07 PM
Bowser had his shell surgically removed and re-attached just to wear a suit on his wedding day. Now that's commitment.
This will never not baffle me.
April 20, 2025 at 7:35 PM
This will never not baffle me.
If you ask me about the sort of inconsequential details that I love in a game, chances are that I'll answer something like "can you take a nap on a cow for no reason".
October 4, 2024 at 11:57 AM
If you ask me about the sort of inconsequential details that I love in a game, chances are that I'll answer something like "can you take a nap on a cow for no reason".
Very proud to be on this platform where I post once a year.
As opposed to every other platform, where I post zero times a year.
I miss forums.
As opposed to every other platform, where I post zero times a year.
I miss forums.
September 18, 2024 at 9:04 PM
Very proud to be on this platform where I post once a year.
As opposed to every other platform, where I post zero times a year.
I miss forums.
As opposed to every other platform, where I post zero times a year.
I miss forums.
I don't think I can overstate how much I'm loving this game. My only regret is not having a time machine to send it to my kid self, because I *feel* like that child again while playing it.
It's just pure, unfiltered, joy, and everything about it makes me smile and forget about the rest of my day.
It's just pure, unfiltered, joy, and everything about it makes me smile and forget about the rest of my day.
September 18, 2024 at 8:57 PM
I don't think I can overstate how much I'm loving this game. My only regret is not having a time machine to send it to my kid self, because I *feel* like that child again while playing it.
It's just pure, unfiltered, joy, and everything about it makes me smile and forget about the rest of my day.
It's just pure, unfiltered, joy, and everything about it makes me smile and forget about the rest of my day.
If there's any consolation with my mom ordering stuff from Temu, it's the instructions.
July 6, 2024 at 2:29 PM
If there's any consolation with my mom ordering stuff from Temu, it's the instructions.
I can't tell if this description of Mario is disappointed, passive-aggressive, or a placeholder.
May 27, 2024 at 11:58 AM
I can't tell if this description of Mario is disappointed, passive-aggressive, or a placeholder.
This spider's been completely immobile in our bathroom for over 2 weeks.
May 24, 2024 at 7:25 AM
This spider's been completely immobile in our bathroom for over 2 weeks.
Anyone who doesn't like chocolate milk can just
April 6, 2024 at 10:50 AM
Anyone who doesn't like chocolate milk can just