I’ve reached a point in my life when I need to apply a whole packet of Taco Bell Fire Sauce to each bite of my burrito

I feel a degree of achievement just short of having Mr. Miyagi smiling and nodding at me off camera

Imagine: I give a poor man bread daily, so that he came to depend on me, and then I stopped without warning.

You could try to say it was never my responsibility to feed him.

But I am morally obligated to give enough notice for him to plan for tomorrow.

Cancelling USAID was murder.

The message for Dems in ‘24 was “don’t elect a sociopath.”

The new message can’t be “we told you so.”

People voted for the sociopath because he made promises Democrats are actually better suited to deliver.

Policies rooted in fairness and kindness will win

Message the better life.

There is no dignified way to make this bowel movement work with my Christmas onesie.

So in Prisoner of Azkaban, when Snape just happens to give a lecture on how to identify a werewolf…not cool.

You’re not even the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor!

What a dick.

The words “terrible terrible” are always followed by “diarrhea”.

A single “terrible” could be followed by anything: “I had terrible luck yesterday”.

The double terrible is reserved for diarrhea.

Try it out loud: “I had terrible terrible ____”.

Always diarrhea.

I watched “Temple of Doom” with my kid

His take: “there’s a lot of whipping in this movie”

I just got back from Thanksgiving in Arizona. Pretty sure I said “watch out for that cactus” every time my kids walked by a cactus.

If I was in charge of city planning and got to name streets for a new subdivision, I would choose names based on how Coyote dies. At first, people would find names quaint like “Catapult Drive” or “Slingshot Court”. They may catch on eventually with “Rocket Skates Lane” or “Flying Batsuit Street”.

I am grateful for the comfort of corduroy pants in the fall, and for spell check.