But yeah, I feel like sharing this stuff could help us advocate for ourselves better if we need to see our GPs.

I found out recently one of my cousins also gets no effect from morphine/opioids. Finding that out while in hospital, in horrific pain with pancreatitis was not ideal. Not ideal at all!!

I'm definitely feeling like my entire personality right now is just a list of symptoms for all this shit.

Thanks perimenopause! You really did just pull the thread, it's all unravelling now!

Mum also had problems with iron for years. She'd get anaemic, be prescribed an iron supplement, then become insanely itchy. Apparently that's MCAS! Now it turns out almost everything else is being explained by connective tissue disorders. Stabbing rib pain randomly? Yep! "hair pain"? Yep!

My Mum always put everything down to me "being weird", but it's gone from "oh, those ADHD memes seem to be targeting me", to "I'll just do the RAADS-R test for 'fun', ohhhh that score is hiiiigh!", to "huh, maybe MCAS explains why I have all these weird 'allergies' to things like tap water?"...

Considering how many times I was, falsely, accused of being a 'home-wrecker' in my 20s, can you IMAGINE how bad it would have been if I was called Jolene as well?!!

"see" not "aww!

Dad forgot she was dead as soon as he was home from the wake. He's been really awful to me a lot lately. How he's still here and Mum's gone... It's not fair in any way.

Anyway, here's flowers.

The funeral was in July. I managed to get all that done, but omg paperwork is hell. I still haven't got probate started, and I still haven't finished filling in Dad's Attendance Allowance forms I started filling in back in October. It's so hard.

She lasted a few days. Once everyone had said their goodbyes, she was off. I got the call when I was on the bus to aww her. Lovely lady in Lush gave me a free bathbomb as I trauma dumped on her when I forgot my PIN 😅

I can see now, that even when Mum passes away, they're going to be a problem for me. They just want to ruin my life to 'teach me a lesson'.

It's so disgusting. As if I'm not going through enough with what's happened to Mum, and having to look after Dad alone 😞

In the family group chat it's been said that I'm "in league" with nurses to starve Mum, and now that I've told the nurses to withhold medications... Neither of which I've done, and neither of which are even possible for me to do anyway! It's not how next of kin/power of attorney even works!!

One nice thing yesterday though, I counted over 50(!) snails in my wildlife pond! Mainly little round ones, but also some fancy long ones.

To think I almost paid for pond snails, and I ended up getting free eggs on some pond plants! 😅

I'd give anything for it to be him in the Nursing Home and Mum here with me. Anything.

Knowing that the rest of my life is going to be looking after this man. Makes me feel sick. This timeline's stupid. I hate it.