got my adhd meds at a low dosage, made me feel on top of the world for two days and then i crashed for the next two. its funny that getting on medsmeans learning to manage your body in a whole new way.

everybody works on themselves, some take that as a reason to do better to their fellow people, open their hearts to criticism. others take that to mean commit harder to your dogma and become a good ideologically committed fascist.

got some new oat milk, this one had 2% more fat than my usual one. its insane how much this alters the flavor honestly. it tastes absolutely divine.

fever has my brain working poorly. sleep is both difficult and much needed. its hard to get out of bed. anxiety about money i dont have. friends looking to meet up that i have to turn down. demands from the world cause anxiety which cause further illness.

is faith merely the belief in something you cannot verify or is it being in love with an idea to the extent all other ideas seem bleak and senseless in comparison? i think i can understand that feeling though i ultimately feel committing to faith would be selfdestructive

i think theres a poem that goes something like im a critter chewing at the carcass of a beached whale, alongside all the other critters and the whale stinks but we all keep chewing. if there isnt there should be.

Watching Michael Lewis insist today, in 2023, that Sam Bankman-Fried was not running a ponzi, tells you everything you need to know about how fucking idiotic the ruling class can be.

let me share a piece by one of my favorite artists, hassan massoudy. "life is a candle light before the wind"

is writing down my derivative thoughts, my uncreative pseudophilosophy to get sympathy or even connect with a human mind in the aether too pretentious or am i getting in my own way? maybe people want to hear from me sometimes?