James Maloney
banner
hemlocksoames.com
James Maloney
@hemlocksoames.com
Programmer and Peacemaker
Animemes, Infosec, General Sillyness
"We are in the messy business of loving people"
Pinned
I may be a fool, but I'm the fool they warned you about.
One of the funnier parts about the most recent chapter of Fate Grand Order is getting questions from my spouse about the Mahabharata and then hearing "the WHAT" when I answer.
May 29, 2025 at 12:46 AM
Me, genius, trying to pull-refresh my SMS messages.
May 20, 2025 at 3:03 AM
One of the weirder things about "professional skills multiclassing" is realizing I've tasted composition from film class, Camera Raw editing from web design, and configuring software plugins from an IT background- then seamlessly applying it all to a new cosplay photography hobby.
May 20, 2025 at 12:51 AM
How it feels being a depressive and exhausted humorist, trying to give people the laughs they need to make it through today and a vision of a better world worth fighting for.

Credit: Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Episode 5 - @teamfourstar.bsky.social (I like the scripting and line delivery more)
May 5, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Me, genius, getting ready to use a paper towel to open the bathroom door, thinking "wait, I should blow my nose first", and thankfully realizing in horror what I was about to do.
April 27, 2025 at 6:40 PM
"I understand that it's an unconventional number of holes, but I really think theming our mini-golf course around The Stations of The Cross will be a bit hit!"
April 17, 2025 at 1:58 PM
I am so good at this game.
April 11, 2025 at 3:38 AM
The bros (who have known me since we were 10 and are also fans of "Slay The Princess") staring wordlessly in horror as I talk about the resonant depictions of intimacy in the "Water and Steel" and "She eats he eats she eats he eats..." paths.
March 29, 2025 at 12:08 AM
My favorite part of my "Blind and Clueless" FromSoft playthroughs is the post-game debrief where my friends are horrified to learn what I didn't know about the game.
Happy 10th Anniversary #Bloodborne The timing was a happy coincidence.
March 25, 2025 at 1:39 AM
Reposted by James Maloney
Talk show hosts.

📹 kurok_shirok
February 23, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Overhearing my spouse (working from home today) muttering under his breath, and realizing that she (not a programmer) is unknowingly trying to build a relational database within Monday.com
February 14, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Continuing my descent into the Fate Iceberg.
January 14, 2025 at 4:30 AM
Things that unexpectedly give feelings of power.
Yes, clap for me and my silly meme video, yesss....
January 13, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Me: *Logs into LinkedIn for the first time in years*
LinkedIn:
January 6, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Reposted by James Maloney
December 18, 2024 at 10:23 PM
Reposted by James Maloney
Why is the grimdark cosmic horror always Catholic bro come on let all the other religions chip in and help fight the demons
December 19, 2024 at 2:22 AM
Reposted by James Maloney
My WinRAR bag has just shipped from Paris
December 19, 2024 at 2:30 AM
Reposted by James Maloney
⛏️ dwarf fortress thread ⛏️

it's been a while, so going to play as a single session roguelike, as in "how long will I survive", and if I want to be done in a few hours/days I gotta make some ill-advised changes to the world gen
December 19, 2024 at 1:30 AM
Deploying changes to Production before leaving on an extended vacation because cool guys don't look at explosions.
December 19, 2024 at 12:36 AM
Been trying to get into the habit of running, so I went out today during lunch.
Anyway, did you know that Fitbits have a "non-operating temperature" and will just lose power after a few minutes if it's cold enough?
December 12, 2024 at 7:40 PM
Reposted by James Maloney
a stealth game where you are a courier whose goal is to post a “you weren’t here for a delivery…” notice on the door without alerting the homeowner
December 11, 2024 at 3:37 AM
One of the best parts about trying to focus on creative endeavors this past year has feeling the infectious enthusiasm of so many people.
Both the boundless energy of those younger and the undying passions of those older have been refreshing to the soul.
December 9, 2024 at 3:56 AM
MFW I'm at the Company Christmas Potluck and the shrooms kick in. (I have an allergy and misread the label cards)
December 5, 2024 at 7:50 PM
I have finally reached the point where the legacy systems I'm migrating were designed by me. Sometimes as an upgrade to a previous system.
December 2, 2024 at 7:58 PM
Finally getting around to running again.
Opened up my podcast app and just stared at a wall of (99+) unplayed episode badges.
It's been... a while to say the least.
November 27, 2024 at 4:29 AM