Alas, choices lead to consequences and I accept mine wholeheartedly now, I’m not afraid and I realize that even if it’s selfish, I won’t suffer for complacency. So ciao ciao bud, hope it goes well for ya, don’t ever interact w me again thanks!

It all happened so fast tbf, with anger being the driving factor, but for once I wanted to finally be the selfish one, for once I did it for ME, regardless of the implications. I simply couldn’t tolerate her being around after I’ve found out EVERYTHING. I was spot on abt the confrontation shit.

So no, I will not be dying in the foreseeable future! Nice!

I want her gone as soon as possible, and god willing if I have to break friendships for it I will not hesitate. I want her nowhere near my life any time soon.

Can’t believe I felt any sort of pity before, cold bastard never cared to begin with lmao. I’m slowly just gonna unfriend her in stuff and to distance myself. She’s a coward on confrontation so it’s not like she’ll say something abt it anyway. Hopefully she’ll get the gist and fuck off.

God please I’m so tired.

I genuinely hate that I need to put an act around now, because one day I’m going fucking snap and explode and everyday I balance out the fact that maybe I can accept the consequences of that happening. I’ve had enough of playing these games. The show is over. Fuck off.

You want to avoid blame, to admit you’ve been in the wrong for so very long, that you went out of your way to fuck me over. And everytime I went out to try and fix everything you continue to lie. So how about you stop being a scared little bitch and just fucking say what’s on your mind.

And this fucking asshole had the fucking balls to demand I don’t do anything desperate! What the actual fuck do you take me for?! Like as if you don’t wanna be blamed for a suicide? What?! Do you seriously think I’m going to do something you myself because you wanted to lie for months to my face?!

All the hugs, the calls, the texts, the hand holding, the cuddling, EVERYTHING WAS A LIE. IT WAS JUST ALL A LIE. LIKE YEAH THAT WAS JUST NOTHING IN THE END, EXPERIMENTATION IF YOU WILL. A TEST TRIAL. All of it was for nothing and all of it was a buildup to the worst moment of my life: at the brink.

If she cared she would’ve said something, if she cared she would’ve reached out, if she cared she would’ve given me more, if she cared she would’ve apologized. And if she cared she would’ve said from the start that this wasn’t going to work.

I tried to give into the benefit of the doubt and tried to view it from her perspective, gave her pity, I gave her so much goddamn time. In the end it’s me suffering while she lives her best life, I realize now I’ve been played so goddamn hard, just took a second perspective to see now.

And this bitch had the gall to blame me on our fallout? That because I did this one specific thing she was uncomfortable with WHICH SHE DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO LET ME KNOW ABOUT UNTIL 3 MONTHS LATER MIND YOU, that’s the reason she through this all away. Yeah man, sure. That’s fucking awesome.

Despite it all tho I lay in bed alone and sad that in the end nothing comes out of it. It’s always me texting first, me talking first, me setting up, me reaching out. It’s clear any sort of friendly relationship is gone because her communication skills are genuine dogshit. That’s why I’m angry.

I can’t fucking believe I even left a thought on this, fuck this and fuck her.

Dunno what to even say at this point anymore man.