me: if I were on Taskmaster I would simply read and comprehend all of the instructions in the task

also me:

I called it

this 8 ball was WAY less creepy before I submitted a Jira ticket about how it was too creepy, A+ job no notes

"No one is sure if this was supposed to represent him being invisible and intangible or if he was actually a sheet ghost"

"Sometimes he's wearing a cool belt."

stolen from Chris: "There’s an obscure Egyptian deity named Medjed the Smiter who appears in a few versions of the Books of the Dead (a book of spells that people were supposed to learn to use to cast magic in the afterlife, which is already rad) and he looks like this"

the funniest part of this is how much time I spent trying to get the screws perfectly lined up

sent this selfie of me & the baby to several different people before realizing it absolutely looks like I'm exposing my one central hairy tit, hope they all enjoy cryptid porn

gonna stop by the joke name dentist, see if I can get some of those squeaky rubber teeth

today's tip to reduce mental load: keep your favorite "Signal group chat war room" meme at the top of your images so you can quickly respond to your friends when they text you theirs

I'm using this one

this is my fucking life now, I'll let y'all know if it works

teaching the child about wizards & dragons

me: See, baby, this is a lion, and here's a... owl? Yeah here's an owl

Chris: Are we sure that's an owl

me: Fuck, that's not an owl, what IS this

Chris: I genuinely have no idea

me: Baby, Mama is just not gonna be able to teach you about animals, Mama has no idea what the fuck this is

me: what the ACTUAL FUCK, oh wait you mean on a PLANE

do I want this cat as my doctor, he looks kinda freaked out