Next person to tell me “you’ll get back on your feet and get a new job soon!” better back that shit up with a job offer lol

Oh...
@mattczap

Bird flu this, bird flu that, who gives a fuck - is RFK Jr gonna put the cocaine back in Coca Cola or not

When Freddie Mercury said “I SOMETIMES WISH I’D BEVER BEEN BORN AT ALLLLLLLL” he was so real for that, me too king

Look for Me at the Grammys tonight! I'll be the one repeatedly thanked by people who will use cocaine later in the evening.

“that stupid fucking rat in pennsylvania saw his shadow and now it’s gonna keep being cold for too long” - my father’s expert analysis on groundhog day

If I had a nickel for every time there was an earthquake in New England that everyone felt but I somehow didn’t, I’d have two nickels

Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

Fav part of my Spotify wrapped was “whoa you listened to so much music in march! where did you find the time!?”

I got laid off bitch I was UNEMPLOYED

Aaron Rodgers Takes Blame For Parts Of Game Where Jets Were Winning
theonion.com/aaron-rodger...

concept: that song “Tradition” from Fiddler on the Roof but instead they just sing “DEPRESSIOOOOOON, DEPRESSION!”

is this place like twitter but less racist?