this was the content I didn't know i needed right now, bless

this is about 1000% how i feel today, also, and is part of why i picked this name 😂 it's a recurring lifelong theme for me

one step at a time. whatever else happens, keep stepping. 💖

things i could control:
my behaviors & choices
restoring some function to my environment
management of my symptoms
reaching out rather than isolating
order of tasks
prioritizing myself
narrowing my focus to directly in front of me
whether & how i care for biological needs e.g. hunger

anyway i shall conclude this liveposting thread here for now

things i did not have control over:
other people's behavior toward me
the weather
existence of my disabilities & chronic illnesses
biological processes
how far away payday is
that i have needs and wants
the passage of time
limited energy

usually all the cleaning is me talking myself through every single step of doing work instead, but also. how is this EVERY day. i don't know how to fix the way every single task feels like it brings me to a grinding halt that i have to force myself back in motion from. what is the deal.

every day i wonder where my time keeps going and every day goes something like this so now i know. the timer for the bread will go off in about 8 minutes. i will eat it piping hot, maybe 2 rolls even if i get less nauseous instead of more, and then i will get ready to pick up Aqua from school.

...ow

🫂💖 you hanging in okay-ish?

bread: in oven ✅

stretch while that is doing its thing, maybe some bones will go back in or something somewhere will hurt less. maybe. ALSO text back a person or two 👀

all these activities brought to you by the power of spite and necessity, for the house was truly getting unliveable again

this really was the lowest effort food i had available though; 2/3 of the ingredients and tools were already out in the kitchen without bending pulling reaching or leaning, and the rest but one item I could get without extending my very ouch arms fully

🤷 idk what this says about me but i like bread

my kind of baking is "can i completely ignore all the critical slow steps and still get a pretty delicious end result" and so far these burger buns do not disappoint

if i want them to be burger bun textured I need the steps

if i want nice but wide rolls I can skip everything but mixing 😌

sometimes gluten free baking is ridiculous. what is this, cookies hour?

no. bread rolls

anyway those can have like. 12 mins to rise while i wash the dishes i made before i cease being in motion

step. uhm. let's call this step 11!

step 11: work or eat? brain vs. body, fight

okay, maybe a compromise. i can probably put some fast bread in the oven while i work? and that can be part of dinner later too?

proponents of "maybe eating should have come first so you would have energy?" aren't wrong, but the counterargument of "now the kitchen will be clean for when i have to cook dinner, which includes my child, and i can eat random shit until then" won out 🤷

do i have food that's easy to make that isn't mcas terrible that I'll actually consume

hmmmmmm

survey says: no
but, i should still have *something*. i have dried cranberries around here somewhere

hey that only took half an hour, neat!

it's not perfect - stove and surfaces (floor, most counters) still need cleaning, and a cast iron. but the sink is otherwise empty and the dishwasher is started and all the hand washing is done (cutting boards, knives, the other cast iron, etc).

I'm tired.

(for posterity, i did take meds and eat the apple and lay down again in there somewhere, kitchen is coming after the 4th(?) rest or however many)

oh but
lidocaine
topical pain relief first, THEN kitchen. that's wise. make it the least agonizing possible