Surprised Eel Historian, PhD
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greenleejw.bsky.social
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD
@greenleejw.bsky.social
28K followers 330 following 7.8K posts
Surprised historian, not surprised eels.

Doctor of medieval things. Talkin’ eels, history, and maps. Spaniel mourner. Alt-text artist.

I draw custom maps and artwork on commission:
https://surprisedeelmaps.com/

Support me here: patreon.com/SurprisedEel
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greenleejw.bsky.social
Good morning, friends, and happy Friday! I've got a busy day, full of travel, and I don't have time for a full-on historical eel tweet. But I know you need your eels.

So here...enjoy this wonderful marginal imagery showing you how *not* to catch any eel you might want to eat.
🗃️🧪
Medieval marginal drawing showing a somewhat grotesque circle of life. A bald man with no pants is playing a horn of some sort, like a trumpet. A stork or heron is poking him in the butt, and looking pretty happy about it. An eel is sliding out of the stork's own rear end, and is being grabbed with one hand by a man in an orange shirt. His other hand is extended as if he might also use it to grab the eel. The man's body disappears into an interlinear something that might be a vine, but also might be an octopus tentacle. The lettering on the page is minim-tastic. This is the sort of thing that should only happen between consenting adults (of all sorts: human, bird, eel, and vine/octopus). I hope they have a safeword worked out.
November 21, 2025 at 8:16 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
When I was in my early 20s, I spent an unemployed summer selling blood plasma and being lazy. The summer ended, I got a job coaching volleyball, and life went on.

But that summer left me with something to remember it by, and later on I wrote a poem about it.
Image of a poem entitled "Idle Markings." The poem is on one page, in two columns. The text of the poem reads: When I was younger I spent one idle summer unemployed playing volleyball and selling plasma. Twice a week I’d go and sit, watching as the alcoholics tried to squeeze another bottle from their veins and flirting with the dark-haired tech who set my blood to spinning round in vicious circles just outside of my body. Twice a week she’d take my arm and turn it over in her hands to find the mark she’d made before, a healing place within the hollow of my skin, then softly tear a cold new needle through the forming scar and open up my body once more time to pull my blood apart for me The whole thing lasted just about an hour and after I was done I’d take my money and my red cells off to find a sandwich and some sand. [this is the bottom of the left-hand column. The next stanza begins at the top of the right-hand column] I ended that warm summer with a small white mark inscribed above the vein in my left arm, a memory, hand-knitted to remind me of an idle season’s cost. For years it has stared up at me, a silent moment of my past that I can feel beneath my touch. Lately, though, I cannot see it when I look, unless I focus harder than I should, and I am left to wonder if it is so far gone with age that the echo of the thought is all that’s left. Perhaps I need to make fresh scars to tell the story of these busy days, and pull my blood back into view to mark and see the time that I have lost since I’ve forgotten what it means to just be idle in the world.
November 21, 2025 at 1:24 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
We're at the Middle Earth map.
We're at the subway map.
We're at the combination Middle Earth and Subway map!

And you could be too! These maps and more are for sale on my Etsy page! They make great presents for yourself and others!
#LOTR #maps #subway

www.etsy.com/shop/Surpris...
Art. Subway style map to go with The Lord of the Rings, showing the different pathways of various parties throughout the book. The title reads: "Lord of the Rings Transit Map: One Does Not Simply Walk Ino Mordor When One Can Ride." The map takes up the middle part of the page, and there are two keys. The one on the left is titles "Standard Service Lines, and has color keys matched to the subway lines on the map. Lines are named: "Shire-Bree Commuter Line Old Forrest Crescent Wildland Scenic Line Fellowship Line Gollum / Sméagol Line Uruk Hai Express Three Hunters Line Fangorn Slow Service Rohan to Gondor Business Line Black Ships Ferry Service Oliphant Direct Line Army of the West Line Gandalf Express A smaller key on the right side of the map is labeled: "Limited Service Lines" and has color keys matched to the following names lines: "Eagle Express Paths of the Dead Line Nazgûl Search & Resuce Valinor Ltd." A note at the bottom reads: "* Mount Doom station only accepts Rings of Power in payment. Plan accordingly." Art. Subway-style map of the itinerary in The Hobbit. The main journey is show in three different lines: red (Hobbiton to Goblin Town); green (Goblin Town to the Elvenking's Halls); and blue (Elvenking's Halls to Erebor). There are multiple stops on these lines. There is a yellow line going back from Erebor to Hobbiton, making stops at Beorn's Hall, Rivendell, and the Troll's Lair. There is an orange line directly from the Iron Hills on the map's right side to Erebor, and a purple line from Gundabad directly to Erebor. The map's title reads: "Hobbit Transit Map" and there are directions for both There and Back Again listing the lines and transfer points. Between them, in the middle of the page, is a dragon drawn to resemble the dragon on Thror's Map from The Hobbit. A key shows the names of each colored line: Red: Western Lands Line Green: Mountains and Forests Line Blue: Barrel Line Yellow: Gandalf Express Orange: Iron Hills Business Line Purple: Orc and Goblin Reserve Line Text at the bottom right reads Surprised Eel Maps, 2025
November 21, 2025 at 12:05 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
In 1257 William of Stow, the sheriff of Cambridgeshire, was ordered to send King Henry III food for his Christmas feasts. Henry wanted lots of eels, 1 crane, 4 peacocks, & 4 swans.

But no worries...it was tax deductible. William got to write off his expenses of £15 15s 10d.
Meme. Photograph of a woman (probably) with her head down on a pile of US government tax forms. Her brown hair spreads out around her head in limp resignation, like it is floating on a pool of red ink. She is not wearing any jewelry, and she has no sleeves. You can't see the rest of her body, so she might actually be doing her taxes naked, like a Pict assaulting the Romans. But it is more likely that she is wearing something like a sun dress. Perhaps she hoped to finish quickly, and go on a picnic. Sweet summer child. In her left hand she is holding a pencil like a dagger, as if she had tried to stab the forms into submission. In her right hand is a cheap but reliable calculator. Her sword and shield, if you will. But they seem to have failed her, because she has clearly succumbed to the implacable might of bureaucracy. In the end, it's what will probably get us all. At least she went out fighting. Meme text reads: "Wait...the 1099E form isn't for eels?"
November 20, 2025 at 4:48 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Screen shot from the Simpsons showing a teenage hoodlum in a purple beanie hanging out of a car window and holding a video camera to his eye. Text over the image reads “Videotaping this crime spree was the best idea we’ve ever had”
November 20, 2025 at 3:23 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Ahem...
A drawing of an eel, but with faint images of waffles all over it. The eel looks kinda annoyed. Or maybe just intense. Below the drawing is a caption that reads: "Waffeel"
November 19, 2025 at 10:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
The nuns only got the rent during the eels' downstream migration, called the "valson."

Valson is a fun word. It's from the latin "avalatio" & initially just meant the migration. It later became a generic term for eels, & survived into 19th C. English as the word "fazen." /fin
Meme. Photograph of an eel out of water. The eel is yellow-brown in color, and is sitting on what looks like a gray concrete floor. The floor is actively wet, glistening with water like the floor of a carwash. This is, honestly, not a bad thing for the eel. The eel -- we'll call him Mallorage -- also looks wet. Slimy, even. His body curves back out of the frame of the picture, and if you like you can imagine that it goes on forever. There is nothing to stop you. Malllorage is wide-eyed, but you would too, under similar circumstances. The tip of his snout seems curiously red. Perhaps it's a trick of light and slime. Or perhaps Rudolph wasn't a reindeer after all. And a little eel shall lead them. Meme text reads: "'cause your nets ain't even fazen me, hoss"
November 19, 2025 at 5:27 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Sure, monks loved their eels. But so did the nuns!

In 1235 Henry III granted a charter to the nuns of Godstow Abbey that included the rights to local eel-rents.

Or, rather, some rights. Turns out, the nuns couldn't get eels all year round...just in the autumn. 1/2
🗃️🧪
Meme. Painting of a group of nuns, sitting in a half-circle. They are all wearing back tunics and white veils and scapulars. The older nun in the middle, whom we'll call Sister Venjens, is pointing to a nun on her right. That nun, who looks like her name is probably Sister Elopine, has her own hand over her chest. Her cheeks are flushed, and she looks is moderately aggrieved. She is clearly being accused of something of bad (like stealing waffles) but not terrible (like trading waffles for sex). A nun on the right -- Sister Quantiphone -- is also pointing towards Elopine. She has Venjens' attention, and is likely offering corroborating evidence. Perhaps she followed a trail of waffle crumbs right to Elopine's room. But maybe she ate the waffles herself and is deflecting blame. The rest of the the nuns are watching this moment with reserved curiosity; likely this is not the first time these nuns have had a dust-up. Meme text reads: "Lots of eels in the fall nun the rest of the year"
November 19, 2025 at 5:27 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
One more drawing from this evening.
Art. Black and white inkpen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines, that looks like a bird of some sort of wild crest. The bird seems to be reaching out with its wings, like it wants a hug.
November 19, 2025 at 4:35 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from this evening. A flying fish-bear? Could be!
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that might look like a fish with wings and a bear’s head
November 19, 2025 at 1:52 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Curses! I've been made aware that there's no alt text! A tragedy. Here's the meme again, with it's intended alt text.
Meme. Scene from the Bayeux tapestry depicting King Edward talking to Harold Godwinson. Edward is sitting on this throe, holding his scepter and wearing a crown. He owns an excellent beard that forks down over his chest. He is leaning forward towards Harold, and his expression seems hopeful, and fascinated. There's the hint of smile on his lips, and his eyebrows are raised. His whole posture is anticipatory. He's invested. For his part, Harold is standing, tall and mustachioed, in the light of his monarch's attention. He is gesturing broadly with both hands. His right hand is up above his head, as if to say, "And the platypus was THIS tall!" His left hand is extended towards the king, as if to stave off disbelief. The scene looks, for all the world, like Harold telling an amazing story to an enraptured child. I hope he volunteers for reading hours at local libraries. He seems like he'd be excellent at it. Meme text reads: "I do confess... I hope it's a mighty celeelbration"
November 18, 2025 at 7:55 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
It's November, & you know what that means!

Yup. Time to start thinking about ordering your holiday eels!
Henry III knew. In November of 1256 the king ordered up 5,000 small eels from Ely, to be sent to him for the Jan. 6 feast of St. Edward.

Only the best for the Confessor.
🗃️🧪
November 18, 2025 at 5:06 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
An eel historian, out for a walk
A black and white photograph of an eel historian with grey hair, and a short salt-and-pepper mustache/beard combo. He has not actually spilled salt or pepper on himself. His hair is the color of moonlight wrapping around an abandoned merry-go-round. His eyebrows are shockingly dark, as if they will be the last thing to admit to age. His eye are deep and dark, and there are lines around them. Perhaps he has laughed too much. Or too little. It's hard to tell. The sky behind him is scarred with bits of cloud: thin strips of water standing between you and the universe. TL/DR: Black and white elfie of an grey-haired dud standing outside somewhere.
November 18, 2025 at 2:22 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Ever find yourself at home, hungry, & wishing for an eel delivery service? Well you're not alone!

In the 1580s Queen Elizabeth had cartloads of eels & pike delivered weekly to her castle at Hertford from Cambridge by a man named William Raven.

Why eel out when you can order in?
🗃️🧪
Meme. Painting of Queen Elizabeth, wearing the fanciest collar you ever did see. It is lacy, and diaphanous, and massive, spreading out in concentric rings, with the last ring being made of overlapping circles with designs inside of them. You can't see the rest of her clothes; I've cropped the picture too tight on her face. But believe me...they fit the collar. Her hair is done up right and tight, and her pallor is ghostly white, with a big of pink on her cheeks. Her lips are pursed, and her expression says, "I am not amused, but you must keep trying. It's your failure that feeds me." Happily for you, she's not looking at you. Rather, she's looking past you a bit. It's as if you don't really matter, but the person behind you does. Normally this would trouble you to be so dismissed. But not today. She does not look like a woman who would play-wrestle with a puppy. But she might order someone else to do it. Meme text reads: "And lead us not into temptation but deliver us some eels"
November 17, 2025 at 6:08 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from today. It started out looking a bit like a squid, but turned into this guy.
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that looks a bit like a person from the shoulders up. The left eye is clear, but it’s unclear if the right eye is covered up or not there. The person’s expression looks friendly.
November 17, 2025 at 2:55 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from this morning. Is it a horse? A dragon, maybe? Or, turned the other way around, is it perhaps a slug giving a welcome speech?

I don’t know!
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines. It might be the head of a dragon or a horse, with a squinting eye and majestic chin whiskers. It is the upside-down version of the other drawing in this post. Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines. It might be a slug, rearing up to address an unseen crowd. It is the upside-down version of the other drawing in this post.
November 15, 2025 at 5:13 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
The story gets fun 'cause the Earl of Arundel was Thomas Fitzalan, & the Archbishop was his uncle, Thomas Arundel. They weren't just tied by blood...the two men had shared exile in France earlier in their lives. They had been close.

But they fell out over eels. Like ya do. /fin
Meme. Medieval painting of a battle. Imagine the kind of fight you'd have if someone were poaching your eels, and you both had an army of knights. It's that kind of rumpus. There are knights with red shields, and knights with blue shields, and they're having at it. There are swords flying, and in the middle is a man with a crown laying about him with a large axe. He's very clearly King of the Eel Rumpus. There are bodies strewn all around. Cleanup is going to be a terrible mess. The horses are wide-eyed at the prospect, thinking of all the paper towels it will take to get up the blood. Hopefully someone brought the hydrogen peroxide. Meme text reads: "Eel fight!"
November 14, 2025 at 5:32 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
With the king leaning on them, they grumpily agreed to share. They decided that the archbishop & his successors AND the earl & his heirs could all fish for eels using big traps called "warenettes."

Turns out there were enough eels for all...even for greedy lords & bishops. 2/3
Meme. Still image from Star Wars showing an orange skin, bugged-eyed alien with a fish mouth. He's wearing a white suit that screams "too hot for disco" and he's standing in front of a large window. Through the window you can see the void* of space, with spaceships engaged in various dogfights. Though, this being the star wars universe, they are likely porgfights or something. The alien's eyes are yellow, and his expression, sans context, is ambiguous. He might be upset. He might have a comment rather than a question. He might just be a mouth breather. But you know the context. You know who this is, and what's going on. This is Admiral Akbar. And you know what he's yelling. Meme text reads: "It's an eel trap!" * Void is an anagram for Ovid, and if you can't make a DaVinci Code style mystery from that then I don't even know what to do with you. Also, sometimes, if you stare long enough into the Ovid, the Ovid stares back. Ask any classicist.
November 14, 2025 at 5:32 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Good eels make good neighbors. Sometimes.

In 1410, the Archbishop of Canterbury & the Earl of Arundel got in a fight about eel fishing rights on the Ouse in Sussex. Each wanted sole rights to set nets & traps in the river.

It got so bad that King Henry IV had to intervene. 1/3
🗃️🧪
Meme. Painting of King Henry on a black background. His name is in gold letters floating above his head, so you know it's him. He is proud, as befits a king whose name follows him around. His expression is stern, but disappointed. He is absolutely giving you the side-eye. What have you done? He is wearing a fairly silly red hat that drapes over his head like a small child dropped a blanket on him. You'd make fun of him if he were your friend, but he's the king, so you'll probably start wearing a blanket on your head, too. Henry's mustache is amazing, tailored to graceful points at the end. Surely he twirls them. How could he not? His beard is that kind of manicured scruffy that plays well with wine moms, and his nose is so sharp that you might think you could cut cheese with it. But...don't. That's pretty textbook lèse-majesté. And Henry demands more majesty, damn it. Meme text reads: "Fighting over eels again? Don't make me pull this country over"
November 14, 2025 at 5:32 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from this evening. I’m not sure what it is, really. But that’s ok!
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines. It might be a baby bird falling from its nest. Or maybe not
November 14, 2025 at 5:01 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Eel smuggling is a major problem today. But it's not new!

In 1463, London city officials arrested 9 Zeeland merchants who tried to slip 97 barrels of salted eels past customs at Billingsgate. They wanted to avoid import fees, but wound up facing a £40 fine.
🗃️🧪
Meme. Medieval drawing of a cooper, putting the lid on a barrel with a hammer, while surrounded by other barrels. The man -- we'll call him Ædwallow-- is wearing a pink shirt and blue leggings, as if he's planning on going to gender reveal party later and he wants to cover all his bases. He's wearing a somewhat shapeless red hat that might -- or might not -- keep his ears warm. He has a white apron tied around his waist. He is clean-shaven, and his face looks young. His expression is terribly intense, and it doesn't take much imagination to believe that he is sealing his rival in this barrel. Perhaps this was a man named Flord whom Ædwallow had called a friend in his youth, until he had ran off with Ædwallow's mother to live a life of crime together as petty toast thieves in Malta. Ævence spent years tracking them down, & now's he's caught them and stuffed them in barrels to ship back home, for reasons only he knows. Meme text reads: "Staring down the barrel of a too-eelaborate plan"
November 13, 2025 at 4:49 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Looking back at drawings from a while ago, and I'd forgotten about this bird who looks like he's about to throw the runner out at first.
Art. Black and white drawing made of abstract shapes and lines which could show a tall bird standing on one leg, with the other leg raised up nd the claws curled around so they look like he might be holding a ball. His head is pointed towards you, but his eyes are cutting back to your right. His tailfeathers are raised up, and he looks alert. He has two jaunty feathers sticking up from his head, and he is not interested in taking your guff.
November 13, 2025 at 5:15 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
I recently did a map of the triangle trade in the Atlantic. There was a lot of information to fit into a small space, so the challenge was in making it clear and legible.
Grayscale map of the Atlantic showing most of the Americas, Europe, and Africa. There are arrows showing the direction of trade, and each arrow has at least one number attached to it. The numbers match a key on the side that lists the products being traded and their place of origin. There are 15 different sets of commodities listed: 1:Midlands & Birmingham: Guns, Gunpowder, Metalware, Silks 2: Liverpool & Lancashire: Cotton-linens 3: Lancashire: Linens, Cottons, Cotton-linens 4: India: Cottons Cowries 5: Midlands & London: Metalware, Silks, Ceramics, Glassware, Guns 6: London & Glasgow: Credit, Shipping Insurance 7: New England: Beef & Pork, Fish, Rum, Wood, Whale products 8: Mid-Atlantic: Grain 9: Chesapeake Colonies: Tobacco 10: Carolinas, Rice, Indigo 11: Caribbean: Sugar, Molasses 12: Brazil: Coffee 13: Brazil: Gold 14: Mexico / Peru: Silver 15: Britain: Grain, Manufactures The map has a set of grey arrows going from West Africa to the Americas showing the number of enslaved workers transported. The arrows are sized relative to the numbers. The largest arrow shows 6 million enslaved workers going to the Caribbean. 3.5 million went to Africa, 650,000 to the Spanish colonies in Central and South America, and 400,000 to North America. A key in the bottom right lists a set of African kingdoms that participated in the selling of enslaved workers, including Benin, the Oyo Empire, Dahomey, the Ashanti Confederacy, the Kingdom of Allada, the Kingdom of Whydah, and the Nupe people. These kingdoms are outlined on the map.
November 13, 2025 at 1:45 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Are you looking for an expression to deliver at the end of a truly cutting remark? A new clunchfist?

The 1632 play "The Rival Friends" has you covered. Wrapping up a line of insults, one character concludes with this hammer stroke: "There's sauce for your eels!"

Devastation.
🗃️🧪
Meme. Medieval painting of a man hitting a woman over the head with an axe. The man on the right (we'll call him Estabalm) is wearing a pink tunic with blue tights & a blue hood. His short, forked beard is blond like his curly hair, & his torso is too long for his legs. He's swinging his axe at the women sitting in front of him. Estabalm is looking at you with some guilt; clearly you've walked into an intimate moment & he's trying to figure out which lie to tell. The woman in front of him we'll call Fyntinaula. She's wearing a blue tunic, with rusty red tights and hood. She is sitting on the ground, with feet tucked under her & hands on her knees. She's looking down with a serene look on her face, which is surprising because Foclax's axe is crashing into her skull. There is blood all over her head. A bandaid won't help here. There are silent but judgmental trees on either side. "Axes for thee, not me." they whisper. Meme text reads: "When you're hit with the eel of last retort"
November 12, 2025 at 5:49 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A poem for this evening.
The first page of poem entitled: "My Title is Up Here" My Title is Up Here When I meet someone, it always seems that their eyes run up and down the length of me, taking me in. Sometimes it is just skim deep and sometimes it feels as if they are pulling me apart inside their head. I know what they want. Some are looking hard to find those places where the words make gentle curves like swallows all along the tongue, and clever rhymes are wrung like chimes or sung like songs inside the hollows of the mind. For others it’s the imagery that they desire: those clever lies that tell the truth and feed the fire of the heart on borrowed blood. I feel their hunter’s gaze: a languid wolf that hangs above the throat of every flaunted simile. The first page of poem entitled: "My Title is Up Here" And always, when they have read me to the end and watched the way I go they turn the page to do it all anew. Perhaps they comment to a friend: “Check out the rhythms on that one!” before they’re done with me and move along to take in all ways the younger words come sauntering into view. -- John Wyatt Greenlee
November 12, 2025 at 1:42 AM