Scrooge McDuck remains a fashion icon. No one else even coming close to that top hat and pince nez combo
December 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Scrooge McDuck remains a fashion icon. No one else even coming close to that top hat and pince nez combo
Which inedible object do yall think looks tastiest? I’m torn between marbles and rubies
December 22, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Which inedible object do yall think looks tastiest? I’m torn between marbles and rubies
When is that CBS town hall happening where they’re going to debate whether or not Bari Weiss is a Judas to all women
December 21, 2025 at 8:38 PM
When is that CBS town hall happening where they’re going to debate whether or not Bari Weiss is a Judas to all women
My hope for 2026 is that I spend less time looking at my phone and mumbling “these stupid motherfuckers”
December 21, 2025 at 2:59 PM
My hope for 2026 is that I spend less time looking at my phone and mumbling “these stupid motherfuckers”
“Would you rather try to build heaven or be fuckin rich as fuck in hell” is apparently the question posed to the handful of men who are absolutely ruining the world, and it’s wild they still feel entitled to complain endlessly about living in hell.
December 21, 2025 at 2:49 PM
“Would you rather try to build heaven or be fuckin rich as fuck in hell” is apparently the question posed to the handful of men who are absolutely ruining the world, and it’s wild they still feel entitled to complain endlessly about living in hell.
Who needs moral ambition when I’m pretty sure I could get pretty rich marketing alcoholic Yoo-Hoo to tweenagers
December 19, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Who needs moral ambition when I’m pretty sure I could get pretty rich marketing alcoholic Yoo-Hoo to tweenagers
What’s our strategy for the war on Christmas this year, fellas? Maybe we try and convince America that the first ten minutes of Up is a Christmas movie.
December 17, 2025 at 2:31 PM
What’s our strategy for the war on Christmas this year, fellas? Maybe we try and convince America that the first ten minutes of Up is a Christmas movie.
Would you rather be able to carbonate any beverage by sticking your finger in there, or warm anything up by holding it against your forehead and thinking about fire
December 15, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Would you rather be able to carbonate any beverage by sticking your finger in there, or warm anything up by holding it against your forehead and thinking about fire
7 or 8 biscottis are the perfect appetizer for a meal you’ve prepared for yourself and are not that interested in eating.
December 14, 2025 at 9:42 PM
7 or 8 biscottis are the perfect appetizer for a meal you’ve prepared for yourself and are not that interested in eating.
Modern movies don’t have those moments where someone does something embarrassing and then it cuts to a shot of a dog moaning and covering their face with their paw. Probably how Americans lost their sense of shame.
December 14, 2025 at 3:21 PM
Modern movies don’t have those moments where someone does something embarrassing and then it cuts to a shot of a dog moaning and covering their face with their paw. Probably how Americans lost their sense of shame.
I’m functionally unemployable and have some pretty interesting ideas about how getting my wisdom teeth removed has made me dumber. When can I start shaping US health policy?
December 11, 2025 at 8:27 PM
I’m functionally unemployable and have some pretty interesting ideas about how getting my wisdom teeth removed has made me dumber. When can I start shaping US health policy?
I want to go to a massage parlor but for getting tickled.
December 3, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I want to go to a massage parlor but for getting tickled.
Someone tell Proctor and Gamble that we’re ready for a viral toothpaste marketing campaign. My life is miserable enough to buy Roast Beef-flavored Crest.
December 2, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Someone tell Proctor and Gamble that we’re ready for a viral toothpaste marketing campaign. My life is miserable enough to buy Roast Beef-flavored Crest.
Being in America for Trump 2.0 is like that part in Spirited Away when No Face shows up and everyone excitedly starts feeding him because he’s throwing gold around and then the gold turns to shit and he starts eating everybody
December 2, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Being in America for Trump 2.0 is like that part in Spirited Away when No Face shows up and everyone excitedly starts feeding him because he’s throwing gold around and then the gold turns to shit and he starts eating everybody
Growing up in megachurches, I didn’t hear a lot of sermons about how to practically help poor people, but I did hear a lot about how camels can actually fit through the eye of a needle.
December 2, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Growing up in megachurches, I didn’t hear a lot of sermons about how to practically help poor people, but I did hear a lot about how camels can actually fit through the eye of a needle.
Every white supremacist I can think of is a self-contained counterpoint to white supremacy.
December 2, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Every white supremacist I can think of is a self-contained counterpoint to white supremacy.
Like one of those Gatorade commercials where the athletes sweat the product out but instead it’s for Heinz ketchup
December 2, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Like one of those Gatorade commercials where the athletes sweat the product out but instead it’s for Heinz ketchup
If there were a pill I could take that would curb my appetite for material excess, I would buy 10 of them immediately.
December 2, 2025 at 6:19 PM
If there were a pill I could take that would curb my appetite for material excess, I would buy 10 of them immediately.