Thinking more oligarchy/class war?

I suspect that will be one of the challenges as well with the shift away from seminary-trained ministers to certified lay or whatever various denoms call it- the specific care training is not unneeded.

But because I am the trained person who is there the most, they identify me as "our pastor" and have to reconcile that with knowing I am not there as a pastor, but as a weekly sermon.

I make time for those with greatest need anyway, but.

I preach pulpit supply every other week at a church in the city. They have been without a pastor for approaching 5 years- just cannot afford one.

They have started hurting for the lack of pastoral care, and are trying to balance knowing I cannot fulfill that on supply pay, against their need.

(RAGE)

Ahem.

Can I like
Give you my care team? Please?

That part is def true.

So we talked about generational trauma, and how it changes the DNA of the descendants. And how that DNA has some questions, comments, and concerns to share with us now.

And how fucking much that sucks when we know we're not going to be running.

Therapissed made me feel less crazy at least, for feeling like this when I wasn't alive for the fleeing part, or the rounding up part, or the dying part (at least not in this life).

She said she's been feeling it too- all of it, though without the nightmares. But the 'whole body has opinions'

I've nightmared about what happens when we get caught. About ending up in camps. Who's chosen to die first. About trying to cling to my loved ones as they are rounded up to be killed.

And how every cell in my body is screaming that I never wanted to do this again.

My nightmares these last few weeks have been a similar flavor.

I've been waking up shaking and in a panic because I just dreamed about running, with those I love, trying to get away from whichever state agents were trying to catch us.

I feel like I am having a ptsd flare. I react to everything, it's like there's bees in my whole body because I am so anxious.

And it's not my usual PTSD- it's the generational shit.

All my ancestors who made it out of Nazi Germany and all the ancestors who died in camps.

And also knowing that we won't, because we can't. Because there are people here who we can't bear to leave behind, no matter what that means for us.

So instead, it's super activated nervous systems.

Yepppp

There was a cinnamon box free gift this time and I figured it would be a good bonus 🥰

There is a store in my city, but I did this online for ease of shipping mischief 🤣

CACKLE

I have accidentally (?) been teaching my therapist to cook?

I frequently make dinner during sessions, and she commented at one point that it was kind of like a cooking show.

She also has asked questions and expressed anxiety around cooking.

So I teach her things and send her recipes 🤣

( @alejandrahope.bsky.social 🤣🤣🤣)

(also jfc that was one of the things that made my doc lose her shit about me def having one)