Lmfao the idiot man in question really asked if I was “rage baiting” him with the ways I was calling out his bullshit with this shit

Bro I am a brat and I only rage bait actual daddies for my personal fun & pleasure. I would never waste time rage-baiting a fucking loser like you. Fuck off perhaps?

But for me I know it was harmful. The violent event depicted has remained an intrusive thought of mine for years, to this day. It popped into my head again today and somehow it made me smile. Seconds later I realized I was smiling about violent thoughts. I’m still processing how I feel about it all

I fucking hate modern medicine bro and I hate my stupid fucking brain that has me waking up screaming or yelling stupid embarrassing shit. And I hate abusers and ptsd. Good morning.

I honest to god hate “Friendsgiving” with a passion

I am not doing your friendsgiving out of guilt and I am not participating in anything remotely related to Xmas out of guilt. You will not receive a gift and I am actually going to return Xmas gifts from now on. I believe in respectful gift etiquette but I will respectfully decline that shit.

This + reflecting on how my sister acts… I really accidentally recreated my sister dynamics with my friendships. And im now seeing thru it and over it.

Like with our shared traumatic bullshit I shouldn’t have to constantly remind them that I’m allowed to live my life and not go out of my way to attend/plan bullshit family vacations and holidays which I can’t even fucking afford right now.

It is also a simple matter of me not being enough for my siblings, and them taking out their frustration on me for it.

I actually am probably enough, I just don’t do everything the exact way they want and they don’t have free access to me.

Anyway, it comes down to sibs not being responsible enough to figure out how to self regulate emotions. The amount of patience and grace I can give is dwindling.

Some would call a cigarette “self harm” but I consider it harm reduction, if it helps me step away from a tense situation and de-escalate

Related, most people think my asocial, avoidant tendencies are personal attacks against them. It’s frustrating.

I struggle to “keep up” w/ relationships because I am fucking disabled. It’s hard when most of your close relations tell you they “don’t see you enough” even when you make time for them