When I definitively know an answer on Jeopardy and nobody rings in, you better believe I’m making a BIG show of it.

If I know Final Jeopardy and they all biff it, buddy I turn into a rocketship and shoot through my damn roof.

The American anthem fucking sucks ass. Stupid song for Nazi hogs and it sounds like shit too. Fuck you.

They’re probably gonna ban Wellbutrin. I’ll finally be funny on the internet again before I kill myself!

a blocklist specifically for people who say shit like "drumpf" and "SCROTUS" and "elmo" when talking about serious politic issues

Man, everyone in local commercials in LA has the most jacked up plastic surgery

I just want an app where I can talk about fucking Little Bear’s dad

I lost my virginity for Arby’s