Not to say that I have completely stopped hearing her voice, still there occasionally.

It would also seem like she pushes her way thru to front for a bit, I don’t usually notice which is worrying but also found ways to be safe. So here’s hoping it stays fine.

I’m glad I finally spoke with my psychologist yesterday, it’s a start but I don’t see him again for a month… until I get back…

I’m going to keep holding on and holding off…

Influencing some I know to the point of messaging me last night and egging us on to talk.

And we want to, but know we can’t.

Why is there that temptation?

Why are we susceptible to it? What mental mechanism is happening here where pulling away feels harder than lifting massive weights…

This happened with another one in the past, why is this… so so much stronger?

What’s going on in my brain, I need to try to draw it

idk who I’ll be by end of year but I will have hoped that I could see my partners and friends before the end

Doesn’t help that I think I’ve had nightmares again.

I still hate how difficult it is to do the right thing here…

I want to hide and I know I’ll probably do a shit job at it. My sense of self is really struggling to hold itself together…

Being torn apart by parts of myself I feel.