Absolute iconic unironic use of "buckle up" -- but I have to deduct a point, b/c Nat'l Seat Belt Day was *yesterday*. Sad.

I figure skydiving would let me experience the sensation of falling in a sustained way that would work as exposure therapy. But that shit's expensive! I doubt insurance would cover skydiving-as-therapy. They'd laugh in my face.

So I have no idea what to do.

I hate how this makes me feel. /🧵

No one seems able to advise me on how to manage this. I've talked to my therapist, to my Grandmaster, to my wife. Nothing has helped.

The only thing I know about treating paranoias is exposure, but I don't know how that would work w falling. My whole being seizes up when I try to do it.

In class last night, we were just sitting talking about the skill & my mind started to spin. I tried to focus on my surroundings: I started naming the colors I could see.

After 4 or 5 rounds of this, I finally realized that I'd been naming my pants red instead of purple. My brain was THAT far gone.

This is relevant to my life now bc as an orange belt, I have to learn to fall in tae kwon do. And I can't.

I understand the technique. I grok the importance of teaching my body to do it correctly. But I go to try, and I freeze. Sheer panic. Even thinking about it causes panic to creep in.

I'm fine in an airplane or atop a skyscraper, but terrified on a balance beam a foot off the ground.

I've always loved to climb, but once as a kid I climbed a tree in my front yard & had to escape by jumping onto the porch roof, bc I absolutely could NOT climb down. Like a freakin' cat!

Been decades since I've listened through it; perhaps I'll do so tonight!

Ugh, the Ring cycle, of course. I was THAT nerd: When I put the box set on my holiday wish list, I even specified which conductor it had to be, lol 🫠

It's rough, though, bc I've come to realize that I'd really want to sing Alberich or Wotan or even Siegfried over any of the roles that fit my voice.

(I desperately miss singing classical/art songs; there was a time when I argued vehemently with my college voice teacher because she thought it was hilarious that I wanted to sing Wagner; I was certain I'd eventually prove her wrong, lol. Hasn't happened yet. Sigh.)

As someone who has been listening to a LOT of Jim McCarty lately, I approve this notion

Have you considered recording it since? Just for funzies?

Damn, that SUCKS 🫂

Soooo ... did you ace your audition?

Reading through Jeff Smith's Bone with my 8yo & getting those li'l spikes of guilt again at having never finished Moby Dick. I tried, but it joined Confederacy of Dunces on the very short list of Books I Intentionally Walked Away From.

Even the gingers?!?!

(</sarcasm>)

OH NEVER MIND.

It's also Weird Al's birthday. Can't pass that shit up.

Jfc can we stop this worship of The West™️ already?! YES, ffs, topple that shit! How many times must Rome fall before it takes the hint?

Mm, yes. Put my brain in the state of one of those moments where you can only speak in poetry because the alternative is undifferentiated keening.

Yeah, I know what you mean. That craving for connection is the worst. And it grows emptier the more it's fed.

Shit, I need to watch Only Lovers Left Alive again.