Gotta admit: It stings a little when I put on makeup & think, Ooh, I look good and then Face ID is like

It’s bad enough that the general election was over a month ago, but this chode lost the primary. Jeff Gunter: Come pick up your trash.

How can hair be oily AND staticky? Asking for fuck’s sake 😩

Cool thing about being the adult: you’re not obligated to do the elf on the shelf

What’s the disorder called when you can’t not follow “Jingle bells…” with “…Batman smells,” even at 39 years young?

Just think of how much cheaper car insurance could be if they didn’t pay for so much advertising.

Could #TheEchoMachine2025 by @davidpakman.bsky.social be the first book I ever read? We’ll see!

In the very least, maybe we’ll get some good art out of it. 😪

Fun fact about me: I love witnessing strangers exchange pleasantries! 😀🤝😀

“Oh, I looooooove farting in the store.” -a thing that just came out of my mouth

Gently but firmly blowing your pube a goodbye kiss from the rim of the bowl in a public restroom… #JustGirlyThings

Sometimes I’ll be sitting in my car at a red light or in a restaurant eating lunch, and there’ll be music playing, and I’ll look out the window and see a bird, and I’ll think to myself, I wonder if that bird likes this song…

Repeatedly Getting Emotional in a Panda Express: the General Bummers Story