-Fearing that people will get sick of you forgetting them or things about them, thinking you don't care about them
-Actually forgetting people, remembering years later, but having too much guilt to reach out again
-I don't know IRS, DID I have a job this past year? Perhaps. You tell me

-Knowing this and wondering what else you lost that you don't know about
-Knowing this and begging, pleading on your hands and knees to please please please let you remember this moment and clawing at it with a death grip and holding back tears from pure fear that you'll lose this one too
Cont. 🧵

-Entire destruction of the soul when someone tells you a pure and wonderful core memory with you and this is the first you're hearing of it, let alone being there and part of it
-Knowing this and craving those memories back as if they were childrens stories told to you
Cont. 🧵

Forget feeling lucky that the two men I love also love each other. It's toxic of me to risk them. I can't gamble with who I love anymore. I should consider myself lucky that they have each other to love and they don't fucking need me. They were happy before me, they didn't need me then.

I should stay away from them because they're everything I want, because they consume my entire world and they're both so perfect. I should protect them and let them live blissful lives. That can't happen with me around hurting them.

I don't care anymore that they're everything I want. I don't care that they consume my entire world and they're both so perfect to me. I considered myself lucky that the two men I loved also loved each other. All of this is reasons to KEEP AWAY FROM THEM!!

I never ever should have trusted myself. I never should have risked them for this. They mean everything to me and I'm treating them like part of my fucking experimental treatments.

What is wrong with me? In the most literal sense, I'm willing to risk the people I love most and their emotional and mental well-being on "seeing if I can do it" really??? Their safety is that fucking low to me? I'm so disgustingly selfish it's obscene

I know it would be selfish of me to try again, why would I ever think I could give myself some sort of humility to make mistakes or not be good enough yet when there are other people involved

I ordered a pizza with a heavy topping of men moaning in my ear! WHERE ARE THE MOANS!

Why must I be at work