AJ!
@funkyiambs.bsky.social
Good-day-haver, landscaper, writer, sonneteer, believer in NJ supremacy.
I'm in the new Happy Gilmore in case any of you wanna brag that you're buddies with a rising star in showbiz.
July 27, 2025 at 12:36 AM
I'm in the new Happy Gilmore in case any of you wanna brag that you're buddies with a rising star in showbiz.
My old man, who's been moshing in the great pit in the sky for the last decade, must be stoked that Ozzy is finally headlining.
July 22, 2025 at 7:17 PM
My old man, who's been moshing in the great pit in the sky for the last decade, must be stoked that Ozzy is finally headlining.
Went for a walk and then stopped into a bar for three beers. A walk and three beers cures all that ails me. I cannot muster a shred of existential dread in the wake of a walk and three beers.
July 21, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Went for a walk and then stopped into a bar for three beers. A walk and three beers cures all that ails me. I cannot muster a shred of existential dread in the wake of a walk and three beers.
Absolutely devastating day. Went to get my beloved chicken salad sandwich from 7-11 (it's good fuck you) only to discover it now has a sticker that says "New AND Improved" and of course it was not improved. It's so much worse. What's happening to this nation? This is the last straw.
July 20, 2025 at 3:15 AM
Absolutely devastating day. Went to get my beloved chicken salad sandwich from 7-11 (it's good fuck you) only to discover it now has a sticker that says "New AND Improved" and of course it was not improved. It's so much worse. What's happening to this nation? This is the last straw.
I'm in a book club by the way
July 16, 2025 at 5:02 PM
I'm in a book club by the way
Today's book club dish prepared because of this line on page one of A SHORT WALK THROUGH A WIDE WORLD.
(I couldn't find prawns so it's just shrimp. And it's not soybean paper, I got what I could get. Fuck you, it's close enough. Also, for anyone wondering, the book was aight I guess.)
(I couldn't find prawns so it's just shrimp. And it's not soybean paper, I got what I could get. Fuck you, it's close enough. Also, for anyone wondering, the book was aight I guess.)
July 12, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Today's book club dish prepared because of this line on page one of A SHORT WALK THROUGH A WIDE WORLD.
(I couldn't find prawns so it's just shrimp. And it's not soybean paper, I got what I could get. Fuck you, it's close enough. Also, for anyone wondering, the book was aight I guess.)
(I couldn't find prawns so it's just shrimp. And it's not soybean paper, I got what I could get. Fuck you, it's close enough. Also, for anyone wondering, the book was aight I guess.)
One thing being a landscaper has taught me is that perhaps the male loneliness epidemic is real, even if my particular group of buddies has managed to avoid it. Multiple times a day, a neighbor (not even a customer) will come out to offer me a water and beer & just wanna talk for like 10-15 minutes.
July 10, 2025 at 1:17 PM
One thing being a landscaper has taught me is that perhaps the male loneliness epidemic is real, even if my particular group of buddies has managed to avoid it. Multiple times a day, a neighbor (not even a customer) will come out to offer me a water and beer & just wanna talk for like 10-15 minutes.
Happy Fourth. This is what being a landscaper is like when you have to set up a customer's bbq
July 5, 2025 at 2:30 AM
Happy Fourth. This is what being a landscaper is like when you have to set up a customer's bbq
NJ remains the leader in the "over everybody else's shit" clubhouse.
July 1, 2025 at 4:05 PM
NJ remains the leader in the "over everybody else's shit" clubhouse.
It's 100 fucking degrees and my fucking employee called out so I'm doing 15 fucking lawns by myself so if anybody has a pool and or a cold fucking beer let me know I will be by in a bit.
June 25, 2025 at 5:00 PM
It's 100 fucking degrees and my fucking employee called out so I'm doing 15 fucking lawns by myself so if anybody has a pool and or a cold fucking beer let me know I will be by in a bit.
I stopped using Twitter but I hadn't actually deactivated my account. At some point I should do that but before I do I want to make sure, for posterity's sake, to preserve my favorite dumb bit that nobody liked.
June 20, 2025 at 3:10 AM
I stopped using Twitter but I hadn't actually deactivated my account. At some point I should do that but before I do I want to make sure, for posterity's sake, to preserve my favorite dumb bit that nobody liked.
Dude from a construction crew approached while I was finishin my last lawn of the day. "Can ya cut the house across the street we're workin on? It's real high." I look at it. 2 feet high. "Yea, when I'm done here. Just make sure there's no tools & shit in the lawn." You can guess what happens next.
June 19, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Dude from a construction crew approached while I was finishin my last lawn of the day. "Can ya cut the house across the street we're workin on? It's real high." I look at it. 2 feet high. "Yea, when I'm done here. Just make sure there's no tools & shit in the lawn." You can guess what happens next.
Dropped off both my zero turns for new blades, oil changes, air filters, and spark plugs (plus one needed the deck re-leveled). Currently sitting outside the shop debating whether to go in and discover what I owe for the bill or to just change my name, dye my hair, and abscond.
June 17, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Dropped off both my zero turns for new blades, oil changes, air filters, and spark plugs (plus one needed the deck re-leveled). Currently sitting outside the shop debating whether to go in and discover what I owe for the bill or to just change my name, dye my hair, and abscond.
(Respectfully) we haven't "spoken" fuckall. We can make this shit look as unpopular as we'd like but it's not slowing and we are absolutely fucked until actual heads start to roll*
*figuratively**
**hahahaha
*figuratively**
**hahahaha
June 15, 2025 at 7:25 PM
(Respectfully) we haven't "spoken" fuckall. We can make this shit look as unpopular as we'd like but it's not slowing and we are absolutely fucked until actual heads start to roll*
*figuratively**
**hahahaha
*figuratively**
**hahahaha
I don't even have notifications for texts. It's a better life.
easiest way to lower your screen time is just to disable badge notifications for almost everything. demonic feature
June 15, 2025 at 12:37 PM
I don't even have notifications for texts. It's a better life.
Nah, I woke up there after a particularly grueling bender and took some pretty wicked photos. My buddy Mike made enemies with the locals when he invented a Mercurian slur so we had to bounce real quick and I left my disposable camera behind (this was in 2002).
June 13, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Nah, I woke up there after a particularly grueling bender and took some pretty wicked photos. My buddy Mike made enemies with the locals when he invented a Mercurian slur so we had to bounce real quick and I left my disposable camera behind (this was in 2002).
This is Livin' Landscapin' LLC is running a very special Friday the 13th Special! For an additional 50% payment on top of your weekly lawn fee, I will detach one of my mower blades and use it like a machete to murder your peskiest neighbor!
June 13, 2025 at 12:56 PM
This is Livin' Landscapin' LLC is running a very special Friday the 13th Special! For an additional 50% payment on top of your weekly lawn fee, I will detach one of my mower blades and use it like a machete to murder your peskiest neighbor!
Had a dream last night in which I said the absolutely made-up idiom "you jerked off the dog at the orgy" (meaning—I think—"you did almost everything right but messed up one key detail") and, like, I and everyone else in the dream knew what it meant as if it was a totally common saying.
June 12, 2025 at 2:05 AM
Had a dream last night in which I said the absolutely made-up idiom "you jerked off the dog at the orgy" (meaning—I think—"you did almost everything right but messed up one key detail") and, like, I and everyone else in the dream knew what it meant as if it was a totally common saying.
One of my employees (good kid, he's like 23) keeps calling out and I'm about 90% sure it's because he's hungover, which on one hand, come on dude you're fuckin me over, but on the other hand, hell yea brother glad you're gettin after it.
June 5, 2025 at 7:07 PM
One of my employees (good kid, he's like 23) keeps calling out and I'm about 90% sure it's because he's hungover, which on one hand, come on dude you're fuckin me over, but on the other hand, hell yea brother glad you're gettin after it.
For anyone interested, I am just handy enough to build this about 70% as well for about 90% of the price
June 4, 2025 at 3:18 AM
For anyone interested, I am just handy enough to build this about 70% as well for about 90% of the price
A point I've made (not that this is particularly insightful) is that ANYTIME you use a tool to make your life easier, you're sacrificing part of yourself. A lighter instead of a match, ChatGPT instead of a phone call. Same thing. It's up to us as individuals to draw the line. I drew mine long ago.
May 20, 2025 at 11:55 PM
A point I've made (not that this is particularly insightful) is that ANYTIME you use a tool to make your life easier, you're sacrificing part of yourself. A lighter instead of a match, ChatGPT instead of a phone call. Same thing. It's up to us as individuals to draw the line. I drew mine long ago.
I'm sorry but this new Nuggets coach looks like a McPoyle
May 18, 2025 at 9:20 PM
I'm sorry but this new Nuggets coach looks like a McPoyle
Unless you're an NBA team's 7th man known primarily for being an above average perimeter defender, there is no excuse for wearing a t-shirt under a tank top. Follow me for more free fashion advice.
May 16, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Unless you're an NBA team's 7th man known primarily for being an above average perimeter defender, there is no excuse for wearing a t-shirt under a tank top. Follow me for more free fashion advice.
They should just make a separate wing in the MLB Hall of Fame for all the fucked up people who were very good at baseball and we should be allowed to smoke in it.
May 14, 2025 at 2:00 AM
They should just make a separate wing in the MLB Hall of Fame for all the fucked up people who were very good at baseball and we should be allowed to smoke in it.