Former Earthling
@former-earthling.bsky.social
Former Earth resident. Current interstellar expat. Native of Doomscroller IV.
Temporarily stationed near Alpha Centauri.
If you’re receiving this, Earth’s Wi-Fi is still catastrophically overpowered.
Temporarily stationed near Alpha Centauri.
If you’re receiving this, Earth’s Wi-Fi is still catastrophically overpowered.
Pinned
The lack of #engagement I get here confirms my theory:
I’m just somebody else’s imaginary friend.
Still trying to figure out whose.
#NoReallyImFine
I’m just somebody else’s imaginary friend.
Still trying to figure out whose.
#NoReallyImFine
Every intermission interview with a #hockey player is exactly the same.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
November 25, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Every intermission interview with a #hockey player is exactly the same.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
We could save time by just going to a shorthand system:
Interviewer: Question 3?
Player: Bland answer 6.
I: Question 4?
P: Non-answer 2.
I: Question 7?
P: Answer 8.
I: Good luck in the 2nd period.
P: Cliché 5.
My humble #suggestions for improving life in #France:
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
November 25, 2025 at 11:24 AM
My humble #suggestions for improving life in #France:
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
1. Screens on the windows
2. Orange juice without pulp
3. Actual apple juice, instead of whatever that stuff is they call apple juice.
Reposted by Former Earthling
November 24, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Back in #Paris, got a cab from the airport to our hotel.
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
a man with a beard is wearing a suit and tie and looking at something .
Alt: a man in a suit and tie looks puzzled and says I’m sorry, what?
media.tenor.com
November 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Back in #Paris, got a cab from the airport to our hotel.
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
Driver unloads our bags, we pay for the ride, I say “Bonne soirée.”
He replies “Tu n’as pas raison.”
????
What did he think I said? Just how bad is my accent, anyway?
That time of year when your car windows are #frosted and you have no idea where you left the #scraper last spring so you clear the windows with a credit card.
#CanadianProblems
#CanadianProblems
November 22, 2025 at 9:00 PM
That time of year when your car windows are #frosted and you have no idea where you left the #scraper last spring so you clear the windows with a credit card.
#CanadianProblems
#CanadianProblems
Look closely, #recruiters.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
November 20, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Look closely, #recruiters.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
I received these two #LinkedIn #InMail messages on the same day.
I’m going to reply to one and ignore the other.
See if you can guess which one and why.
Ooh, interesting. I didn’t have that on my 2025 bingo card.
'Beating heart of Europe': Belgian PM wants to make Benelux into one country
If unified, the Benelux would be the fourth-largest economy in the European Union.
www.brusselstimes.com
November 20, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Ooh, interesting. I didn’t have that on my 2025 bingo card.
Wife is doing homework for her corporate leadership training “self-assessment” and I would like to take this opportunity to express my thanks that I ended up prematurely retired so I don’t have to deal with any of that shit ever again.
November 17, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Wife is doing homework for her corporate leadership training “self-assessment” and I would like to take this opportunity to express my thanks that I ended up prematurely retired so I don’t have to deal with any of that shit ever again.
Reposted by Former Earthling
For those of you following "Operation Total Recall" in Alberta, here's the latest.
The province's far right wing government lowered the threshold for recall to please their base...and have they ever "found out."
#ableg #cdnpoli
www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton/art...
The province's far right wing government lowered the threshold for recall to please their base...and have they ever "found out."
#ableg #cdnpoli
www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton/art...
Recall petition paperwork approved for 9 new MLAs, says campaign group
The initial paperwork for nine new recall petitions against Alberta MLAs has been approved and is waiting for next steps before signature collection, according to organizers of a provincewide campaign...
www.ctvnews.ca
November 16, 2025 at 9:38 PM
For those of you following "Operation Total Recall" in Alberta, here's the latest.
The province's far right wing government lowered the threshold for recall to please their base...and have they ever "found out."
#ableg #cdnpoli
www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton/art...
The province's far right wing government lowered the threshold for recall to please their base...and have they ever "found out."
#ableg #cdnpoli
www.ctvnews.ca/edmonton/art...
I resent the implication that I’m lazy.
And as soon as I get out of bed, I fully intend to do something about it.*
*Unless there’s a good show on. Then maybe tomorrow. If I feel like it.
And as soon as I get out of bed, I fully intend to do something about it.*
*Unless there’s a good show on. Then maybe tomorrow. If I feel like it.
The Fermi paradox asks why we've yet to find evidence of intelligent extraterrestrial life. The odds are we should!
A NASA scientist suggests that "alien societies might plateau at modest technological levels and even grow bored with exploration."
www.sciencefocus.com/news/aliens-...
A NASA scientist suggests that "alien societies might plateau at modest technological levels and even grow bored with exploration."
www.sciencefocus.com/news/aliens-...
Why aliens are (probably) too lazy to make first contact | BBC Science Focus Magazine
Space is big. Why not kick back, relax, and wait for them to come to you?
www.sciencefocus.com
November 14, 2025 at 9:04 PM
I resent the implication that I’m lazy.
And as soon as I get out of bed, I fully intend to do something about it.*
*Unless there’s a good show on. Then maybe tomorrow. If I feel like it.
And as soon as I get out of bed, I fully intend to do something about it.*
*Unless there’s a good show on. Then maybe tomorrow. If I feel like it.
Got my #Covid19 booster today (finally).
Cost $135.
Also, apropos of nothing, I loathe Danielle Smith and her horde of flying monkeys out to break the public health care system.
#RecallThemAll
Cost $135.
Also, apropos of nothing, I loathe Danielle Smith and her horde of flying monkeys out to break the public health care system.
#RecallThemAll
November 14, 2025 at 8:57 PM
Got my #Covid19 booster today (finally).
Cost $135.
Also, apropos of nothing, I loathe Danielle Smith and her horde of flying monkeys out to break the public health care system.
#RecallThemAll
Cost $135.
Also, apropos of nothing, I loathe Danielle Smith and her horde of flying monkeys out to break the public health care system.
#RecallThemAll
Me: opens Bluesky, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Reddit, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Bluesky again.
etc. ad infinitum.
I’m bored now.
Opens Reddit, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Bluesky again.
etc. ad infinitum.
November 7, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Me: opens Bluesky, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Reddit, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Bluesky again.
etc. ad infinitum.
I’m bored now.
Opens Reddit, scrolls for 20 minutes, reads a few things, doesn’t comment.
I’m bored now.
Opens Bluesky again.
etc. ad infinitum.
Snowing here today. Two weeks after I changed to winter tires.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s almost like I’m a responsible adult or something.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s almost like I’m a responsible adult or something.
November 7, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Snowing here today. Two weeks after I changed to winter tires.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s almost like I’m a responsible adult or something.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think it’s almost like I’m a responsible adult or something.
Funny story: my #birthday is next week, and Mrs. Former Earthling’s is two days later.
She’s traveling for work (again) and gets back home the day after mine, and the day before hers.
I’m expected to have something planned for hers.
Mine, I’m sure, will be quietly overlooked.
#HappyBirthdayToMe
She’s traveling for work (again) and gets back home the day after mine, and the day before hers.
I’m expected to have something planned for hers.
Mine, I’m sure, will be quietly overlooked.
#HappyBirthdayToMe
November 6, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Funny story: my #birthday is next week, and Mrs. Former Earthling’s is two days later.
She’s traveling for work (again) and gets back home the day after mine, and the day before hers.
I’m expected to have something planned for hers.
Mine, I’m sure, will be quietly overlooked.
#HappyBirthdayToMe
She’s traveling for work (again) and gets back home the day after mine, and the day before hers.
I’m expected to have something planned for hers.
Mine, I’m sure, will be quietly overlooked.
#HappyBirthdayToMe
Astronomers are still tracking 3I/ATLAS.
I didn’t get a memo about this visit, so if it’s an invasion, they’re not with me.
#JustSaying #goodLuckEveryone
I didn’t get a memo about this visit, so if it’s an invasion, they’re not with me.
#JustSaying #goodLuckEveryone
November 5, 2025 at 11:43 PM
Astronomers are still tracking 3I/ATLAS.
I didn’t get a memo about this visit, so if it’s an invasion, they’re not with me.
#JustSaying #goodLuckEveryone
I didn’t get a memo about this visit, so if it’s an invasion, they’re not with me.
#JustSaying #goodLuckEveryone
Currently being sucked into a Reddit argument about the #OxfordComma.
Impatiently waiting for someone to invent the tech that lets me boot other people off the internet for being wrong.
#GrammarWars
Impatiently waiting for someone to invent the tech that lets me boot other people off the internet for being wrong.
#GrammarWars
November 3, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Currently being sucked into a Reddit argument about the #OxfordComma.
Impatiently waiting for someone to invent the tech that lets me boot other people off the internet for being wrong.
#GrammarWars
Impatiently waiting for someone to invent the tech that lets me boot other people off the internet for being wrong.
#GrammarWars
Looks like the swarms of mini-humans seeking candy has abated for another year.
This year’s count: 6
Pretty typical.
Anybody want a mini-chocolate bar? I’ve got plenty.
This year’s count: 6
Pretty typical.
Anybody want a mini-chocolate bar? I’ve got plenty.
November 1, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Looks like the swarms of mini-humans seeking candy has abated for another year.
This year’s count: 6
Pretty typical.
Anybody want a mini-chocolate bar? I’ve got plenty.
This year’s count: 6
Pretty typical.
Anybody want a mini-chocolate bar? I’ve got plenty.
Offspring #1 sent me a photo of himself in a Pokémon (?) costume, looking like he’s wearing a bright yellow onesie.
Taken inside a pub.
In the UK.
Where they don’t do Halloween.
And no one else is wearing any kind of costume.
Taken inside a pub.
In the UK.
Where they don’t do Halloween.
And no one else is wearing any kind of costume.
a man wearing a grey shirt that says peloton
Alt: a man wearing a grey shirt says “you do you boo”
media.tenor.com
November 1, 2025 at 12:23 AM
Offspring #1 sent me a photo of himself in a Pokémon (?) costume, looking like he’s wearing a bright yellow onesie.
Taken inside a pub.
In the UK.
Where they don’t do Halloween.
And no one else is wearing any kind of costume.
Taken inside a pub.
In the UK.
Where they don’t do Halloween.
And no one else is wearing any kind of costume.