@foolishbran.bsky.social
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Me: why do my muscles hurt?

Morpheus my personal trainer: because you’ve never used them before
August 21, 2023 at 12:53 PM
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date: can you take off your work gloves

Jim Henson: they have names
May 1, 2023 at 12:01 PM
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I’m just a girl made of equal parts procrastination and hyper focus
August 21, 2023 at 4:15 PM
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Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door
August 20, 2023 at 5:12 AM
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10/10 recommend you guys grocery shop high
August 20, 2023 at 4:41 AM
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Someone just said " like it raw" so naturally I sang, "yeah baby, I like it raw" with a little gyrating action and now HR is emailing me again
August 15, 2023 at 4:33 PM
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I’ve reached the part of my summer where I’m excited that I’ll soon be able to stop checking my kids’s heads for ticks and go back to just checking for lice
August 19, 2023 at 11:55 AM
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Casting director: we don't have Danny DeVito

Producer: shit. I really liked him for that role

Casting director: Is Pesci ok?
August 14, 2023 at 3:23 PM
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Doug is just Canadian for dog
August 18, 2023 at 2:07 PM