Can the online mortgage calculators please catch up to the new mortgage rules

anyone have the secret to appreciating happiness for the moment instead of focusing on the inevitable pain of the future

I hate when my card gets declined for no reason. That hole knows I’m good for it

People who write worse than me: embarrassing lack of linguistic sophistication

People who write better than me: embarrassing lack of readability

Me: perfect balance of legibility and elegance. There is no need for me to interrogate this conviction any further

D.A.R.E. to resist the real gateway drug: pressing down really hard on your eyeballs

instead of work i would like to sleep for 400 years

That feeling when you blow your nose while you’re sick and you can breathe for a single millisecond before getting congested again >>>>>>>>

A poem for my last day working at the writing center for the semester (by Joseph Fasano)

i either read for 8 hours straight or don’t touch a book for 8 months there is no in between

sometimes you just have to nap for four hours in the afternoon after work

Snoozing my alarm every morning, call that not obeying in advance

I love listening to British book podcasts because they’re always like “of course, we all grew up with ‘Mrs. Dottie Plunkett’s Troublesome Day.’ It would be hard to find a person alive who didn’t read the book or watch the 1972 BBC adaptation as a child”

One of my last tweets was about how Twitter won’t relinquish us because suffering is inevitable. Well it probably is but at least I can look at a nicer social media feed while it happens.