floorbread
@floorbread.bsky.social
me, abandoning the cockpit of the passenger airplane i'm piloting, sirens blaring as the plane takes a dive, oxygen masks deploying from the overhead compartments: brb
January 22, 2026 at 1:10 AM
me, abandoning the cockpit of the passenger airplane i'm piloting, sirens blaring as the plane takes a dive, oxygen masks deploying from the overhead compartments: brb
"it aint gonna suck itself" i say to the powerful twink wizard, moments before he in fact alters reality and physics to make it somehow suck itself
January 18, 2026 at 5:15 AM
"it aint gonna suck itself" i say to the powerful twink wizard, moments before he in fact alters reality and physics to make it somehow suck itself
how bout no november november
we just skip it
we just skip it
October 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
how bout no november november
we just skip it
we just skip it
heads up guys no newel november is coming up. FUCK this is BAD NEWS for the staircase i was going to build, which would have included a newel (which, again, is a post at the head or the foot of a flight of stairs, just to clarify)
October 30, 2025 at 6:35 PM
heads up guys no newel november is coming up. FUCK this is BAD NEWS for the staircase i was going to build, which would have included a newel (which, again, is a post at the head or the foot of a flight of stairs, just to clarify)
challenge: no dissection december (you can't dissect anything for the WHOLE MONTH)
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
September 6, 2025 at 6:03 AM
challenge: no dissection december (you can't dissect anything for the WHOLE MONTH)
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
Reposted by floorbread
Telling the barber "do whatever, nothing matters"
August 21, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Telling the barber "do whatever, nothing matters"
Reposted by floorbread
Thank you for your email. I am currently out-of-body, remote viewing Io, Jupiter's innermost moon. My detached consciousness will have limited access to email during this time.
August 22, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Thank you for your email. I am currently out-of-body, remote viewing Io, Jupiter's innermost moon. My detached consciousness will have limited access to email during this time.
i mod minecraft to simulate being as far away from texas as possible
August 18, 2025 at 12:33 AM
i mod minecraft to simulate being as far away from texas as possible
things i have buttdialed:
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
August 15, 2025 at 4:35 AM
things i have buttdialed:
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
god what the fuck was humpty dumpty THINKING
August 8, 2025 at 6:38 PM
god what the fuck was humpty dumpty THINKING
frankly, all the king's horses and all the king's men were ridiculous for even trying
August 8, 2025 at 6:31 PM
frankly, all the king's horses and all the king's men were ridiculous for even trying
the frequency at which another tenant, often tragically by the elevator, turns a corner, is somehow surprised to see someone, and then their dog(s) unload a 100-decibel salvo of barks at me, killing dozens of inner hair cells from my cochlea and slightly ruining my day — is astonishing
August 3, 2025 at 8:40 PM
the frequency at which another tenant, often tragically by the elevator, turns a corner, is somehow surprised to see someone, and then their dog(s) unload a 100-decibel salvo of barks at me, killing dozens of inner hair cells from my cochlea and slightly ruining my day — is astonishing
these drilled and slotted rotors are gonna look so gas on the shitbox with failing clearcoat and scratches fucking everywhere from running over brush
July 30, 2025 at 4:01 AM
these drilled and slotted rotors are gonna look so gas on the shitbox with failing clearcoat and scratches fucking everywhere from running over brush
nbs are so unrealistic. babe stop comparing me to regular convex 4-polytopes like the 16-cell. we only have three spatial dimensions and ur acting fucking crazy.
July 17, 2025 at 3:48 PM
nbs are so unrealistic. babe stop comparing me to regular convex 4-polytopes like the 16-cell. we only have three spatial dimensions and ur acting fucking crazy.
men — STOP using weaponized incompetence.
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
July 17, 2025 at 2:17 AM
men — STOP using weaponized incompetence.
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
watch out, babe! I'm gonna go king mode!
July 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
watch out, babe! I'm gonna go king mode!
gee wilikers, thanks for going goblin mode on the king, babe
July 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
gee wilikers, thanks for going goblin mode on the king, babe
hit a speed bump too hard and the whole strut tower snapped off and went into my pussy, doctor! i swear!
April 18, 2025 at 2:18 AM
hit a speed bump too hard and the whole strut tower snapped off and went into my pussy, doctor! i swear!
overtorqued my shit and the glowplugs snapped off inside my pussy
April 18, 2025 at 2:17 AM
overtorqued my shit and the glowplugs snapped off inside my pussy
abortion? why not get a v-bortion. my wife got the 'ol borsch over bluetooth.
April 16, 2025 at 4:57 AM
abortion? why not get a v-bortion. my wife got the 'ol borsch over bluetooth.
my grind schedge:
4:00 AM -
wake up
4:01 AM -
position myself on the other end of the room, full mast.
4:02 AM -
full sprint charge into my wifeoid's stupid woman chungus box
4:03 AM -
cold plunge
4:00 AM -
wake up
4:01 AM -
position myself on the other end of the room, full mast.
4:02 AM -
full sprint charge into my wifeoid's stupid woman chungus box
4:03 AM -
cold plunge
April 16, 2025 at 4:53 AM
my grind schedge:
4:00 AM -
wake up
4:01 AM -
position myself on the other end of the room, full mast.
4:02 AM -
full sprint charge into my wifeoid's stupid woman chungus box
4:03 AM -
cold plunge
4:00 AM -
wake up
4:01 AM -
position myself on the other end of the room, full mast.
4:02 AM -
full sprint charge into my wifeoid's stupid woman chungus box
4:03 AM -
cold plunge
you know the saying like "i'll be the first to admit"
what if you were like
i'll be the second to admit
like. yeah im a coward. someone else do it first
what if you were like
i'll be the second to admit
like. yeah im a coward. someone else do it first
March 27, 2025 at 6:36 PM
you know the saying like "i'll be the first to admit"
what if you were like
i'll be the second to admit
like. yeah im a coward. someone else do it first
what if you were like
i'll be the second to admit
like. yeah im a coward. someone else do it first
thed evil couldnt reahc me bc he. fucking got in a very serious car accident. and is wheelchair bound now and needs assistance but medicaid wont cvoer it.... omg devil im so sorry... Q_Q gofundme soon
March 25, 2025 at 7:23 PM
thed evil couldnt reahc me bc he. fucking got in a very serious car accident. and is wheelchair bound now and needs assistance but medicaid wont cvoer it.... omg devil im so sorry... Q_Q gofundme soon
god couldn't reach me so he left a message after the beep
March 25, 2025 at 7:16 PM
god couldn't reach me so he left a message after the beep
the devil couldnt reach me so he had to call the fire department to get me down (i was stuck in a tree (im the devil's cat))
March 25, 2025 at 7:12 PM
the devil couldnt reach me so he had to call the fire department to get me down (i was stuck in a tree (im the devil's cat))