3. Booked once in the second half whilst one-nil up for Burton Albion for taking eight minutes to tie my boot lace, then shown a second yellow after asking the fourth official to help me fill in a tax return on the halfway line to properly “slow things down.”

2. Sent off playing for Leyton Orient for “unsporting behaviour” after insisting on playing the second half under one of those golfing umbrella hats. Because it was drizzling and I’d just had my barnet done.

Hey Ross, thanks for asking, we'd love to do another season of Sports Horn and are currently talking with various sponsors about injecting some cash into it. It's close to a full time job and whilst we love doing it, it currently earns us between £25 and £100 a month which is not viable.

It needs to be that big because everything I say into it is big and important and massive.