Nine times out of ten it's a terminally online white man with nonsensical but right-leaning grievance politics but maybe THIS time it'll be one of those Oberlin sociology majors we're always warning about

I would rather be dead in California than alive in Texas.

My sister and I are double-handedly responsible for creating a whole ass conspiracy theory in our little podunk town on account of the Chinese lanterns we released in honor of our mom’s second deathiversary. Let me tell you, the FB group was lit.

Aaron Mate and rest of the greyzone ghouls are shaking in their boots and I am here for it.